[Amila]

I was at Macys and I saw this teeny tiny baby (still wearing the mittens)who looked like he had JUST been born in a stroller with a freaking receiving blanket rolled up, and a propped bottle. I try not to be judgemental of other's choices, but this really pissed me off. HE WAS ONLY A FEW DAYS OLD!!!!!!!! I mean, jeez, I didn't want to put my baby down for a month! What is wrong with people. If you aren't going to breastfeed at least bottlefeed with LOVE or something.

:

 

[CherryBomb]

Stuff like that makes me want to strangle someone

 

[dubfam]

Some people just don;t get it. It isn't like they KNOW that they should hold the baby and they choose not to.
They really just don;t understand how much a baby needs that closeness.
And a lot of people are very overwhelmed and they start shutting down emotionally.

I don;t think it is worth getting angry with the parents, though.
They aren't intentionally doing the wrong thing.

Be grateful that you know better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[mbhf]

i find that talking to a momma who's doing something you see as wrong goes pretty far. not about what you disagree with, but just in general. people just do what they see, and unfortunately babies in strollers with a bottle propped is pretty normal. who knows if she wanted to breastfeed or not, you do't often see babies nursing out and about so a lot of mothers feel like they have to give their baby a bottle when they're out. just talking to a mom, asking how old the baby is, simple stuff like that, is a great way to get a conversation going. and whenever i talk to another mother, i always get questions or comments about whatever carrier i'm using. then i can refer them to the local NINO group, or a particular carrier or two that i think would suit them.

 

[christy005]

that makes me sad

 

[newmommy]

Was there an opportunity for you to proactively enlighten the Mama?

If so, what would you have said? Or would you have not said anything?

 

[princesspennie]

That is so sad.

I might have been tempted to do something I hated when my son was an infant.( I hated when strangers wanted to hold my son)

I might of gone over and said something like Oh' he/she is so precious and just pick em up and hold the bottle and feed him and say you like to be held while you eat dont you..
Then again probably would not do it..but it would be hard not too..

 

[Ruthla]

How do you know he was only a few days old? Did you ask the mom (or whoever was with the baby) or did you just guess based on the baby's appearance?

 

[ParisApril]

We wouldn't want the baby to get used to being held. Then it might want to get held all the time!

 

[Dragonfly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dubfam Some people just don;t get it. It isn't like they KNOW that they should hold the baby and they choose not to. They really just don;t understand how much a baby needs that closeness.

: Going from SAHM/student to the workplace has really been a shocker in that respect. Before starting work I was surrounded by seriously AP parents pretty much all of the time. Yesterday, I found myself in a conversation with a (childless) colleague - an incredibly bright, driven woman whose judgment on most things I really respect - who began telling me about a friend of hers who just had a baby and how she just couldn't believe all of the cool new things they have now that keep the baby from being an inconvenience. One of them - a bottle with a long, twisty straw and a nipple attached to the end so you can just put the bottle between the baby's legs and not have to pick them up to feed them.

It was like being in the twilight zone.

 

[bec]

Quote:

Originally Posted by princesspennie I might of gone over and said something like Oh' he/she is so precious and just pick em up and hold the bottle and feed him and say you like to be held while you eat dont you.. Then again probably would not do it..but it would be hard not too..

You know, I probably would have FREAKED OUT if some stranger came over and picked my newborn up. Why would you ever think that was acceptable?

I have seen a bunch of these threads, and I always have to wonder at the judgement I see being thrown around. Maybe it was an insecure mother. Maybe she had had her head filled about how she will spoil her baby if she picks him up, maybe she has ppd and is just trying to survive, there's a million maybes that we just don't have the answer to, because no one bothered to try to help her, no one bothered to try to get her story, and no one bothered do do anything other than tsk-tsk her on the internet.

 

[Leylla]

Yea...while we all know bottle propping isn't a good thing, you really don't the entire situation AT ALL.

W/ DS1 I could not hold him AND hold a bottle at the same time for a month or so. Granted I was not able to be walking around a department store either. But it was the best I could do and I don't know how upset I'd be if I saw someone posting derrogatory comments about it.

One of them - a bottle with a long, twisty straw and a nipple attached to the end so you can just put the bottle between the baby's legs and not have to pick them up to feed them.

The Podee....while it certainly has a place, it's very limited and once again a product that shouldn't be marketed to the general public. *Mainly HOMs who are formula fed and there isn't much outside help. But that is such a small market there is no need for these to be in every store.

 

[chinaKat]

I remember when DD was a week old... I went to a breast feeding support group, because I was having a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE time BFing. Lots of mamas there with slings, BFing... a cool, AP environment.

I brought DD in in the carseat carrier. And I didn't take her out, b/c she was sleeping. And I hoped and I prayed that she wouldn't wake up during the meeting, because I was afraid that she would cry, and I wouldn't be able to comfort her, and that I would be working so hard trying to make her happy that I wouldn't get a chance to ask any questions at the meeting and get the support I so desperately needed. I'd been a mom for all of a week and I had no idea what I was doing.

I think of that day all the time when I see critiques of other moms on MDC, when posters accuse strangers of being horrid non-AP mothers. Because I don't doubt that that day there was a post about me on MDC, and how my poor one week old baby didn't get taken out of her plastic car seat, and what a crap mother I must be.

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amila I mean, jeez, I didn't want to put my baby down for a month!

I didn't want to put any of my babies down for a month (at least), either. But, I did...I did it all the time...I couldn't hold them for extended periods, because the strain on the c-section incision became too painful.

I hate bottle-propping, but I also hate assumptions about someone's parenting being made based on a public snapshot.

 

[StephandOwen]

Nooooo..... not another one of these threads!

:

Quote:

Originally Posted by ParisApril We wouldn't want the baby to get used to being held. Then it might want to get held all the time!

I seriously hope you're joking. Please tell me this was sarcasm.

Quote:

Originally Posted by princesspennie I might of gone over and said something like Oh' he/she is so precious and just pick em up and hold the bottle and feed him and say you like to be held while you eat dont you.. Then again probably would not do it..but it would be hard not too..

Oh my.... hon- I would be very surprised if you picked up some strangers baby and did NOT get tackled by that mother. Even in my most sleep deprived days if some stranger had picked up my newborn all hell would have broke loose. I'm baffled why someone would think that's okay.

 

[siobhang]

My only concern would be with bottle propping for such a small child. If I were close and the mom seemed very new (as in no older children), insecure, and not really paying attention, I might say something, in as kind a manner as possible, like "oh, honey, you do know that bottle propping is dangerous at this age! The baby can't turn its head to stop the milk if it starts to choke. I think the recommendation is to not bottle prop at all - not until the child can hold the bottle himself."

I think many moms DON'T know that bottle propping is dangerous. It is pretty common to see and there are so many gadgets, I get the feeling that some moms just figure it is what you can do.

So my approach would be a gentle warning about something potentially dangerous - similarly to how I might say something to the mom if I saw a toddler doing something I thought might be dangerous.

 

[redsfree]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chinaKat I remember when DD was a week old... I went to a breast feeding support group, because I was having a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE time BFing. Lots of mamas there with slings, BFing... a cool, AP environment. I brought DD in in the carseat carrier. And I didn't take her out, b/c she was sleeping. And I hoped and I prayed that she wouldn't wake up during the meeting, because I was afraid that she would cry, and I wouldn't be able to comfort her, and that I would be working so hard trying to make her happy that I wouldn't get a chance to ask any questions at the meeting and get the support I so desperately needed. I'd been a mom for all of a week and I had no idea what I was doing. I think of that day all the time when I see critiques of other moms on MDC, when posters accuse strangers of being horrid non-AP mothers. Because I don't doubt that that day there was a post about me on MDC, and how my poor one week old baby didn't get taken out of her plastic car seat, and what a crap mother I must be.

Amen to that, chinaKat.

Compassion for ourselves and others is key.

None of us are perfect parents, as much as we may hope and try. Thankfully, kids are pretty adaptable. I was in survival mode those first few weeks of our DD's life, too. And to this day I'm certain I act a fool at times.

So, when I feel that judgement creeping in, I try to talk to the person and see where they're coming from. I may share my experiences with them. Most folks learn and teach better by example.

 

[benharperfan]

Although I would be wondering in my head what would MAKE a woman with a two day old baby HAVE to be at the mall that badly to prop a bottle in his mouth, I would say nothing because I do not make assumptions based on a single moment in time. If the woman was my friend and she had a two day old and said she was taking him to the mall because she "just felt like shopping" or something like that, I might have something to say...

I would NEVER EVER want someone judging me by what they might witness for two seconds in a mall or Target or a restaurant or whatever, so I try to give others that same benefit of the doubt.

 

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

poor little thing.

 

[maliceinwonderland]

I'm not entirely sure doctors take the time to mention you shouldn't prop a baby's bottle. When I starting supplementing ds with formula the doctor didn't even mention not proping the bottle. Maybe she was a ftm and just didn't know any better? Or maybe she was just at the end of her rope and just wanted to not hold the baby for awhile. Not that it makes it okay, it's still dangerous..but I've had moments lately because of the heat where I just wanted the kid off me for a minute!