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<span style="font-family:Arial;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> Hello...<br>
I have had two miscarriages and am feeling pretty awful...The last one happened Easter SUnday and I'm having a hard time getting over it...I have only my husban and no family...I don't want to sound like a whiner...Every time someone says "You're young, you can try again" or something similar I start to cry...We were really looking forward to this baby...Any suggestions on how to cope?</span>
 

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Cyber hugs. Maybe try to focus on what you love to do and find a way to honor your miscarried babies.<br><br>
If someone said something like that to me I would cry right there so they would know the weight of their words! You are not a whinner you are grieving and should fully allow that to happen. You suffered a huge loss let it out....
 

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Step number one is to know that it's perfectly normal to feel sh*tty. I feel pretty much that way too.<br><br>
Of course you were looking forward to this child, and to having a baby to hold and you don't and it doesn't feel fair, and no one knows what to say, and the things they do say usually make you feel worse. That's all perfectly normal. I'm sorry you have to go through it. I'm sorry I have to go through it. But here is a good place where people understand.<br><br>
Step number two is to let yourself be upset from time to time, even when you think it's been too long.<br><br>
Step number three is to find some way to honor your feelings. To have a small ritual for your loss, or a plant something in honor of your baby, or donate a bench, or go to a cemetary and leave flowers at a childs grave. Whatever you feel comfortable with. I have a tree at a park where I did a ritual for my first m/c, and I can go when I'm feeling lost.<br><br>
Step number 4 is to find things that occupy you. I've taken up knitting and gardening, and hanging out with a friend and her small child. This little girl lets me be a member of the family and playing with her is too joyous to allow me to be sad when I'm with her.<br><br>
The steps business is a little faecetious, but I'm sincere about the value of each suggestion. Please know that it's not hard all the time forever, and take good care of yourself.
 

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I'm so sorry. It's so hard sometimes. It really is, but healing will come, bit by bit. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I'm a big reader, so I tried to find some sort of spiritual learning cause for my losses. I read somes passages from books such as "Stories from the Unborn Soul" and "Cosmic Cradle". Sometimes, they would actually make me feel worse; other times, much better.<br><br>
Trying to do something special in memory of your baby is another thing, as mentioned. Perhaps planting a flower (like the birth month flower) or tree in memory of your little one, or a donation to a charity in your baby's name. Time and talking about it in a supportive environment is often the best healer.
 

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I am so sorry for your losses......just wanted to send you all my love... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<span><span style="font-family:'Microsoft Sans Serif';"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Hello Everyone!<br>
I just wanted to thank you for your kind words - you really cheered me up! I still have my days (like when all of my friends seem to have gotten pregnant at the same time and are all expecting now...) but it seems to be gettting better. Although I am scared of what will happen (natural I think...) my husband and I are trying to conceive again and I hope the third time's a charm! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I just wish I had a crystal ball so I could see into the future...Well, lots of love and I hope to hear from you soon!</span>[/FONT]</span>
 

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Of course you are going to miss those babies and maybe you are young and can 'try again' but that doesn't mean that you don't want those babies. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s and have fun trying! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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glad to hear you are feeling a bit better..it is so hard...somedays are definitly harder than others...<br><br>
Take care and good luck TTC!!!!<br><br><br>
~Jackie
 

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welcome to MDC, ladybugchild77!<br><br>
sagelove is right... it sometimes feels like FOREVER, but those feelings of grief do ease up eventually. you will never forget those very-much-wanted babies, but you will slowly begin to feel the pain dissolve. honest!<br><br>
be kind to yourself... there are going to be up days and down days. don't let anyone try to hurry you along or force you onto some sort of artificial schedule... these are your losses and only your heart knows how long it will take to heal.<br><br>
after my first m/c, i bought a beautiful butterfly ornament for my garden. now i see it everyday as i walk in and out of my home, and it makes me smile instead of tear up. it took a few years... but now i'm so glad it's there.<br><br>
i didn't do anything like that for my second m/c... but i do think of both babies when i look at the butterfly.<br><br>
i am currently 36 weeks along with this pregnancy... i still wonder what life would have been like if either of my other babies had been able to stay, but i try to remember that this little one probably wouldn't be here if they had.<br><br>
have you read Spirit Baby? it's an excerpt from Baby Catcher, by Peggy Vincent. i know we've had it on this forum, but for some reason i cannot find it... here's a bit of it, anyway:<br><br>
"Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?", and when I nodded tearfully, he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it's a Spirit Baby, and you should be it's mother."<br>
I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don't you know about Spirit Babies? How could I know about them if you don't? I mean, you're my mom!"<br>
But he could see my perplexity.<br>
So my first child, this not-yet-teenaged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here's how it is. See, I was one myself, so that must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that's the baby that's born. If she doesn't get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pergnant but something bad happens before the baby's born . . . now listen, Mom, because here's the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it's always first in line. Isn't that great?"<br>
"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you'll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don't, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman's circle, and it'll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.<br>
"But it'd be a shame for you not to have it youself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really. I've always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I'm talking about here, Mom."<br><br>
take care and let us know how you're doing!<br><br>
hugs, katje
 

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Hi Ladybug - I just wanted to send <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> your way. Also, your post mentions ttc again and I wonder if you have been over on the trying to conceive board. There is The One Thread there and it is fantastic. Moves super fast but there is so much <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> and support there. I read the whole thing just to feel some of the positive energy. We are still waiting to be ready to ttc again and I can't say enough about the one thread. Check it out if you havn't seen it already!
 
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