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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>2 Weeks ago we lost our baby girl at 17 weeks 6 days. An apparent placental abruption caused by fibroids I was told not to remove before concieving. Anyway - I just feel so lost. I had 2 realy great days this past week - I was feeling optimistic, hopeful and almost content with the plan the hubs and I had about moving forward. Then yesterday was a black hole and today I've already cried all morning. I know that grief can affect you in waves and sometimes when you feel like you're moving forward and getting better - there can be a trigger that feels like it set you back. My midwife said if I was still crying a lot after 2 weeks that I should see someone - a counselor or something. Not sure why 2 weeks would do it - why would it suddenly be better? I still don't have my baby??? Anyway - maybe I'll call someone... I just don't feel like getting out of the bed - let alone getting out of the house to talk to a stranger about my feelings. ugh.</p>
 

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Oh (((((mama)))))<br><br>
I'm so incredibly sad and sorry for the loss of your precious baby. Although I'm sure your midwife's heart was in the right place and she's probably referring to possible concerns about PPD along with grief, 2 weeks is *nowhere close* to enough time to expect grief to dissipate and frankly, it can get harder and more painful before it gets "better".<br><br>
I think it sounds like you are coping in the best way you can right now and not feeling like getting out of bed/crying all day also sounds pretty darned normal to me. Grief WILL come in waves, and it will wash over you when you least expect it. <img alt="greensad.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/greensad.gif"><br><br>
I haven't experienced a 2nd tri baby loss myself (though I nearly lost both of my twins to stillbirth, they miraculously survived) so I can't speak personally to the magnitude of loss that you're experiencing right now, although I've lost 4 precious angels when they were younger than 13 weeks. It's a different magnitude of loss, though, I think...more "expected" so less shocking, though still extremely sad.<br><br>
I am sure the other mamas here will help support you through this horrible time the way I and so many others have been supported during our own times of personal hell. Know that my thoughts, love, and prayers are with you and that it sounds, at least to me, like you are going through a "normal" grieving process. Just be gentle with yourself, your expectations of yourself in "getting back to life", and ignore any timeframes others try to impose on you. It is YOUR baby that was lost, not theirs.<br><br>
Claire
 

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<p>I am so sorry for your loss. Let yourself grieve. No one can tell you how to do it. I don't even think I was up to eating more than once or twice a day at the end of two weeks after my first loss and I was certainly still crying every day! I probably cried at least once a day for a few months anyway. If you start having feelings that you'd be better off dead, etc., that's a good time to seek some outside help. Crying because you miss your baby and miss what won't be is normal. I am so sorry.</p>
 

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Thebyr, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I was in your due date club and remember your posts. I'm just terribly sad for you, no great advice on grieving. I think talking to someone certainly can't hurt. Hugs to you, dear.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
claireB
<div class="bbcode_right" style="text-align:right;">Thank you for your words. You are right. I'll grieve the best way I know how and no one can direct that for me.</div>
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
M Anna - Yeah, I really need to cry at least once a day.... Helps me release the pain I'm feeling. This is really tough.
 

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<p>Many hugs to you.  Everyone else has said it better, but you are not alone.  It's definitely still okay to cry.  It's still okay to have good days and happy moments, too.  It's not okay for others to try to fit you into a grief timeframe.  That doesn't exist.  The phases aren't linear.  You can be in one multiple times or be in several phases at once.  The feelings won't be as severe as time goes on, but I'm coming to realize for myself that there will never be a time when I'm "done" grieving.  I may as well say that I'm done breathing.  It is possible, and healthy, to move forward (when YOU are ready, and not when anyone else says you should be ready), but your little girl (did you guys name her?) will always be a part of your life from here on out. </p>
 
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