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My 2.5 year old is picking on my 14 month old baby <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
They both have blankies they love dearly and drag them around the house. Lately the 2.5 year old's favorite thing to do is steal his sister's blankie and hold it just above her head while she cries and reaches for it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: It just seems so MEAN. I don't know why he does it??<br><br><br>
I also don't know how to handle it. (The punitive part of me wants to take HIS blankie and hold it above HIS head whilst yelling "FINE! NO BLANKIE FOR YOU!" But I have a feeling that might not help<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: )<br><br><br>
I tell him to give it back, he gives me a defiant look. I count 1...2.... and he usually chucks it back at her on '2'.<br><br>
But he's doing this multiple times a day. It really upsets the baby and it really annoys me.<br><br>
Thoughts?
 

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Okay I'm kind of talking out of my rear here, because I only have one child!<br>
But I remember this chapter in the Becky Bailey book.<br>
You say, "See your sister's face. It is red. Look at her tears. She is sad. Hear her voice. She is crying. She wants her blankie." And then you "assume positive intent." (Bailey's words). You say, "You wanted to play with your sister" or "You wanted to get your sister's attention" or something like that. Then you state the rule. "You may not take her blankie." Then you state what he SHOULD do to get her attention (or get your attention, or whatever you think he's trying to do) "Pick up her stuffed doggy and make it move for her." or something like that. Say, "Do it now" and if he does it and it has a better result you say, "You did it! You played with your sister!"<br><br>
Repeat 41,000 times.<br><br>
Just remember that he's too young to have developed empathy yet. So he's not trying to be mean. He's really too young to really intentionally be mean yet. He is trying to accomplish something, and once you figure out what it is, you give him an appropriate way to do it.<br><br>
If it were me, I would buy baby gates and have them play in separate areas unless I was right there playing with them. For my sanity.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
Angie
 

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Hey it's definitely worth a shot!<br><br>
No go on the baby gates....we have a teeny house. Plus, for the most part they like playing with each other.<br><br>
*Assume positive intent*. I like it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>angie3096</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7984736"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You say, "See your sister's face. It is red. Look at her tears. She is sad. Hear her voice. She is crying. She wants her blankie." And then you "assume positive intent." (Bailey's words). You say, "You wanted to play with your sister" or "You wanted to get your sister's attention" or something like that.</div>
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I agree with that and would add:<br>
first give the attention to the baby, like a hug or pat and stay physically close/touching if possible to the baby, and look mostly at the baby, while you're stating 'ooohh, look the baby's face...'<br><br>
that way the older child sees that the bad behavior gives attention to the other child, not to himself.<br><br>
I actually think the opposite with the babygate thing. I tend to believe in the kids learning to work things out as much as possible on their own as long as they are safe. The more you intervene, the more they will act out to get you to come intervene, because they BOTH want your attention. Also, if you can see it coming, try to prevent it...although that is very difficult.<br><br>
If your children are open to it, maybe you could designate a special place for the blankies, where they can see them, but not hold them during play? Not as a punishment thing, as a pre-emptive thing, like 'today, lets put the blankies on this shelf while I show you these cool toys...'
 

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I would suggest that a 2 yr old is not much different from a 1 yr old. One and two yr olds are all about about the motor world, not the empathic world. Try to think of them as emotional twins. Don't expect from the older baby what you would not expect from the 1 yr old baby.<br><br>
The two year old doesn't really have any more experience in the world than the younger child. The first couople of years are taken up eating, growing, moving and checking out the world. Have faith that the older baby is perfectly normal and needs as much as the baby needs.
 
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