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Discussion Starter #1
I did a search and a lot of the biting threads were about younger kids... so bear with me!<br><br>
Here goes:<br><br>
DD was a very laid back baby, and is now a really explosive two year old. She's very verbal, but disproportionately younger emotionally (or, she's verbally advanced for a 2 year old, but right on track emotionally? I don't know...) When she's mad or sad she completely dissolves - either falls in a heap on the floor sobbing, or attacks. By attacks I mean bites. If I'm holding her (like if we have to leave someplace and I'm carrying her) she'll sink her teeth into my shoulder and bite REALLY hard. I've tried the, "No biting, biting hurts mama." and putting her down (once she releases her jaw...) When she gets mad at DS she bites him, hard. Now he's got a big bruise-y imprint of all of her teeth on his back from a dispute this morning.<br><br>
I try to avoid getting her too upset or making any abrupt transitions - ie when we have to leave someplace, I give her a heads-up/count down so that she know a transition is coming. I'm careful with her diet (we eat mostly organic and I avoid HFCS and other nasty additives) and try and make sure she gets enough sleep. I don't leave them beyond going into the next room, though, so *usually* I an stop her before she goes after DS or de-escalate a situation. Unfortunately, they can be playing really happily one minute, and she gets mad the next.<br><br>
She's fundamentally a really loving, affectionate toddler who tends to be happy and playful 95% of the time...but she turns (emotionally) on a dime. She's my full-throttle girl, there's no "in between" with her emotions.<br><br>
DS was relatively easy at 2 and got more challenging at 3, but DD's a mystery to me. Do you guys think this is within the "normal" behavioral range for a 2 year old? I know ever child is different, but she's just really extreme.<br><br>
Interestingly, she's very sensitive. A raised voice from me dissolves her into immediate sobbing and a "Mama, pick me up!!" plea (she seems to be the most sensitive to my reactions, less so for DH.) I'm not a yeller, but on the rare occasion where I have taken a harsher tone, she loses it.<br><br>
Help - I need some input and wisdom here!!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">:
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Bumping to see if anyone has any help on this one. I really have searched! Any experience or advice would be GREATLY appreciated!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Hmmm.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Okay, my oldest child is, in your words, "full-throttle." For her there really is no in-between, she's calm and then she's <i>really</i> angry/frustrated/sad/happy. She's never been one to bite, but she has a history of being aggressive in other ways. With our dd it's all about helping her learn the skills she needs to handle frustration and conflict in better ways. And that takes time. Prevention and supervision, as you're doing, are also extremely important. My oldest is still learning to remain calm enough to problem-solve (or to calm down so that she can communicate and problem-solve), and she has really had to be taught this. This, for her, is the gateway skill that allows her to handle frustration and conflict without verbal or physical aggression. I wish we had recognized that so much earlier, b/c I think everything would've been easier if we'd worked on that when she was much younger. And you know, it's kind of hard to teach and for her to learn. She's been learning this best through our active listening/empathy when she's upset, through reminders to take a breath and calm down so we can work this out, and through our modeling. Besides calming down, she's also had to work on learning to better identify and communicate her feelings, how to identify the problem, how to think of ways of resolving a conflict or solving a problem.<br><br>
There's a great book called Raising a Thinking Child which is all about helping preschoolers and young children learn to resolve conflict. Because we started working with the activities in this book with our older two kids, our youngest one started learning these skills in this way when she was a young 2. She's very good now, at nearly 4, at communicating her emotions, identifying and articulating the problem, at taking deep breaths to calm down, and is rarely aggressive (though she went through a phase of aggression at age 2), and getting there in the area of brainstorming solutions. (My oldest, though much less aggressive now than a year ago, is still working on staying calm but she's making definite progress.)<br><br>
Have you read Raising Your Spirited Child?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks for your response - that's helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to type it out! I'll have to re-look at the spirited child book. I looked through it when I had DS, but not much was applicable to him...I think it'll be helpful with DD.<br><br>
I think I'm at a bit of a loss because she doesn't seem to "get it" as much as DS did. Although she's very verbal, she seems emotionally YOUNG (yes, I know she's 2, bear with me!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> At that age I could explain things to DS (after he'd calmed) and he seemed to "get me" more. He'd look in my eyes, and I could see some comprehension and he'd nod. DD will do anything to escape "talking." If I scooch down and say, "DD, please look at mama and listen." she'll squirm away and take off. (and I'm not talking about heat of the moment stuff when they're angry, I never try to engage an upset toddler, I help/let them calm down and work on a teaching point later. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> )<br><br>
I wish I could help her problem-solve more, but she reacts so FAST. If she perceives a slight, she melts down immediately or lashes out instantly.
 
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