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Discussion Starter #1
X-posted in Toddlers.<br><br>
DD has just started hitting me. We had a great morning, but I pushed it too far with a quick stop at the grocery store. When we got home she was tired and hungry and crabby. She wanted me to go in the garage door, while she goes in the front door. Fine, she thinks that's fun, and I usually do it. This time, though, my hands were full of groceries and I was about to drop everything. I didn't want to walk all the way to the other side of the house. She was very upset. Screaming, crying, the works. She hit me. I told her that I didn't like being hit and that it hurt me. I stepped away from her so that she couldn't hit me. (She was sitting on the counter at this point.) She was screaming, "Mama, come back!" I said, "I don't want to go over by you if you are going to hit me. Can you be gentle?" She said, "No! Ani hit Mama!" Argh. She starts melting down more and more and is looking more and more pitiful so I finally go and pick her up. She hits me.<br><br>
I tell her that I don't like it when she hits me. Then she says, "Okay, gentle." And she kisses me and touches me gently. She says, "Mama happy now?" I said, "Yes, thank you."<br><br>
So did I handle this right? Because she's just not getting the message. She usually hits only when she's tired/hungry/has something else going one. She sometimes thinks it's funny and always looks for a reaction. Would it be better to ignore it? Or should I keep telling her that it makes me sad?<br><br>
She totally gets that giving a hug/kiss makes people happy, but just because you're going to kiss someone afterwards, doesn't mean that you can hit them!
 

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THis sounds way too familiar. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Bumping to see what people have for suggestions.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
So, I have been telling Ani that it hurts me when she hits me and that I don't want to be around people who hit me. I then went in the bedroom and shut the door. She got very very upset. The door was shut for seriously about two seconds. She came in the room and said that she would be gentle and we hugged and talked about how to touch lovingly, etc.<br><br>
At first I thought this was a pretty good method, but now I'm thinking that it sends the message of conditional parenting. What do you think? I'm also tempted to just laugh it off or ignore it, but I do think it is serious and I am also concerned about her hitting other kids. Especially the new baby due in August.<br><br>
No one has any experience with this?
 

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I make sure to make it clear that ds is NOT to hit me (or anyone), then I figure out WHY he's hitting and I give him an alternative way to express that.<br>
It might go like this "Ds, do NOT hit me. I don't like to be hit" (in a very serious, but not mean, voice) then, depending on what his reason was, I'd offer an alternative "If you want to play, say 'mom, play with me'." Or if he's just way super excited, I might just tell him to go jump on the bed or something. lol.<br>
He never really hit when he was angry, but recently a few times he's told me that he wanted to. Like, I might notice that he's about to, and tell him not to, and he stops (he stops easily, so it doesn't seem like he was really going to, kwim?). And he'll say "but I WANT to hit somebody." The response to every alternative I come up with is "no, I just want to HIT somebody." So I just answer Oh, and maybe something about him feeling angry.<br><br>
I'm not a fan of isolating a child after they hit. Definitely, hitting is NOT ok. And they need to be taught not to hit. I'm just not of the opinion that isolating them DOES teach them what you want them to know. kwim?
 

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Oh, thought I'd share this article (articles usually explain things way better than I can. lol)<br><a href="http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/looking_past.html" target="_blank">http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/looking_past.html</a>
 

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My 2yo is hitting too. I tell him that hands are for being gentle, show him how to rub, pat, even give me "5", etc. That usually works in the short-term. Long-term, I'm not sure. My oldest never really went through a hitting phase. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Just to be clear, I didn't isolate her, I isolated myself to avoid getting hit. There were other people home -- my sisters, so she wasn't left alone.<br><br>
I do try to tell her to touch gently, but she says no, she wants to hit me. She really only does it out of anger -- because I didn't understand what she wanted to eat, or something like that. She gets very frusterated and just starts hitting. When I ask her to stop and tell her that I don't want to be hit, it seems to draw even more attention to it and she does it even more.<br><br>
I feel like my options are 1) isolation -- her or myself. (I'd rather not do this.) 2) Laugh it off and make it a joke -- high five, or something like that. (I'd rather not do this either, because I don't think it is a joke. I really really don't like to be hit and it's not funny!) or 3) Ignore it. (Again, I don't want to do this because I want her to know that hitting is just NOT okay.<br><br>
So I am at a loss. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Thank you for the article, too. I liked it, but I think I have tried what she suggests. When she hits, Anneke is just so frusterated and mad that she won't talk at all, she just wants to hit me! I try to ask her how she's feeling and validate her feelings :"I see you're really mad! Can you tell me about it?" But she is just so worked up that she can't.
 

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My 2 yo has recently created a game out of hitting his baby sister while we're tandem nursing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> He hits and giggles, so I hold his arms and ignore it, or I tell him not to hit her. If he carries on, he gets kicked off the boob <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> I hope you find a good solution to teaching your daughter not to hit you! I've gotten hit HARD, in the face, in church, by the wildly flailing arms of 2 yo DS who is just excited to be dancing to the church music <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> It's embarassing and I wonder if other people think I'm letting him walk over me...
 

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My DS was a big time hitter. I gave him other things that were acceptable to hit. I would say "It is not ok to hit Mommy or anyone else. i understand you are frustrated. You can hit your pillow or the couch."
 

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Discussion Starter #10
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MtBikeLover</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8004123"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My DS was a big time hitter. I gave him other things that were acceptable to hit. I would say "It is not ok to hit Mommy or anyone else. i understand you are frustrated. You can hit your pillow or the couch."</div>
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Yes, I thought about doing that, too, but I"m not sure that that is a healthy way to express anger/frustration either. . .<br><br>
I'm starting to think that I really suck at this GD thing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Just a thought- when she hits you, have you tried telling her that she can give you high fives, but she can't hit you? Or telling her that she can growl like a lion if she's angry? Or clench her fists? Or something along those lines.<br>
I think kids need to know an acceptable way to express what they are trying to express, kwim?<br><br>
OH, and wanted to add that Becoming The Parent You Want To Be has a great chapter on dealing with "problem behaviors" like biting and hitting. I loved that book!! You might find something on their site, too. <a href="http://www.becomingtheparent.com" target="_blank">www.becomingtheparent.com</a>
 

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Discussion Starter #12
That is a great idea! Thanks, I will definately try that. I guess I just couldn't think of a good alternative to hitting. I'm putting the book on hold at the library right now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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