[P'sMom]

Hi everyone,

It all started when my little angel climbed out (or rather hurled herself out)
of her crib at 18 months. Since then we've had sleep issues on/off. Note, I used to nurse her to sleep at nap time and night time and throughout the day of course (now we are down to night time and morning time)!

After that time, we co-slept for about 6 months, but my husband didn't sleep
well with her in the bed, as our bed is small. So, it would often be the two girls and the husband separately. Finally, he convinced me to try the big girl bed as developmentally she could vocalize her feelings so much better, and we have been doing so with some success.

Problem is, she prefers me over my husband when it comes to any sleep time
routine. However, she seems to fight me more, and not settle down. As we still nurse at night and in the morning, I do night time and used to do middle of the night if she woke up, until we recently realized she will not fight her daddy like she fights me. And, he does nap time, although I usually have to disappear. His tone is harsher than I would like, but it seems to work better. I would prefer to be loving and comforting, as I don't want sleep time to be a
time of stress, but she really is so different with us--even if we try to do/say
the exact same thing. She never wants me to leave, but she'll often mess around forever; while at times she'll tell him to leave and go right to sleep.

So experienced parents, please let me know your thoughts on our sleep issue, as well as the use of a nightlight (I swear I read some where that they were bad for the eyes), and weaning the night and morning nursing.

I know I may be asking people who continue to co-sleep and do extended
breastfeeding--whatever works, but I really value everyone's input.

Thanks in advance,
Beth

 

[alegna]

It sounds like she still NEEDS mama to sleep. I would just put her in my bed (get a bigger bed or put one next to the other if need be) and go with the flow. I would not allow ANYONE to be "harsh" with my child about sleep.

-Angela

 

[AugustineM]

Hmmm... so it sounds like you're looking for advice on ways to get her to sleep better? I'm not sure exactly what the main issue is... is it her nightwaking and difficulty getting back to sleep? Do you want her to go to sleep on her own?

Of course, this is such a personal issue, but I can tell you how it works for us -- and we're pretty happy with it. My son is 23 months, and nurses before bed for a few minutes. I then lie with him for about a half hour while he goes to sleep (in his own room on a mattress on the floor). He usually wakes up around 1 or 2 am and comes into our room and climbs in bed between us. He snuggles with DH or me and goes back to sleep. Sometimes he tosses and turns for a while which can get annoying. He nightweaned when he was about 15 months old. Sometimes he asks to nurse but I remind him that we nurse when it's light out. He understands that. I also have a newborn so I'm pretty firm on that one.

As for your situation, does your DH not want to cosleep at all? Would he consider getting a bigger bed or pushing a twin up against yours? What about having a mattress on the floor in your room where your DD could come in at night, or sleep all night there. It sounds like she's not ready to be on her own all night long, and still needs you for comfort. That's totally developmentally normal, I think. I'd say figure out a way to meet her needs as best you can and try to just go with the flow. In a few years she'll be able to sleep on her own no problem.

You also might want to cross post this in the Family Bed & Nighttime Parenting.

 

[Ambrose]

My DD is totally different with DH and I too. I don't BF anymore and she now sleeps in her room in her toddler bed. She turned 2 last Sunday. DH and I, as she transitioned from the crib to the toddler bed would lay down on the floor next to the toddler bed and stroke her hair and play her bedtime music while she settled in to sleep. LATELY though she has been seeming to want daddy out and she'll just roll over and fall asleep when he puts her in there whereas when I try to put her to bed (as she seems to want ME to put her to bed lately) she fights me, starts crying and while I lay there in the dark stroking her hair she rolls over, crawls out stroke my hair, babbles to me.... all the while yawning her little self out but NOT going to bed.

Tonight after an hour of that I got up, said "bedtime" in a firm but gentle tone, kissed her forehead once she crawled back in and walked out.

She. flipped. out.

Daddy walked in and said in a firm voice (that sounded harsh to ME but then I have to remember that he has a deep voice to begin with so when he speaks firmly it tends to sound a lot worse than it is) "it's bedtime DD. it is not stay awake to be with mommy. We love you. goodnight."

And you know what?? She rolled right over and went to bed.

If I would have done that she woulda just gotten worse in her flipping out and probably not gone to bed for another hour.

So I understand when you say even if you and DH say the same thing and do the SAME thing... you get completely polar opposite results.

I honestly think it's because she knows it's MOMMY and well... IT'S MOMMY!!!

I don't know how else to describe it. And I don't really know how to help you solve it. I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone here with this stuff.

 

[Moose]

Kids test you. They arent stupid. They know how far they can go with whom ever they are dealing with. You are the parent, they are the child. You guide, they learn.
Kids will protest bed time till they get old enough and then opposite will be true, and you will have to drag them out of bed each morning so they get to school on time.

 

[P'sMom]

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the feedback--I appreciate all of it!

Have to admit that when I posted it was after a rough night, so I probably wasn't as clear as I could have been, and that night I hadn't followed my instinct which I should have!

FYI, night time goes pretty well most of the time--using the Good Night, Sleep Tight technique--I still sit in a chair in her room when she goes to bed.

It is the nightwaking that happens occassionally where she acts so different. She wants mommy, but used to mess around with mommy snuggling her--a phase I think...so I finally let DH get up and put her back to bed and he'd be back in 5 mins! This particular night I said I'd get up if she did and when she did instead of snuggling her, which I thought might work, I tried to sit in the chair...long story short...she wouldn't settle down for hours. But, she got up the next night and I snuggled her and she went back to sleep! Then, she stayed in bed all night the next night...so is life.

On naps the main issue...I used to spend a lot of time trying to get her to nap, too, and DH puts her to bed, and checks on her, often saying some stern words and most of the time she'll go to sleep by herself. Problem is, he has to deal with her fusssing for mommy when she recognizes it is nap time, so I was wondering if anyone has a DH who can do nap time without the mommy fussing (I have to disappear, as she won't settle down if she knows I am around). He does an awesome job, but I'd prefer that she didn't fuss for mommy, although it could be a phase or perhaps I am more of her comfort for sleeping.

Anyhow, long story, but thanks for your thoughts. At this point we would rather not co-sleep, although I love the occassional trip, etc. She does need her mommy, so I do spend time at night and in the morning with extra snuggles and nursing, and she is so proud of herself when she wakes up after sleeping all night by herself. We're getting there!

Ambrose, really appreciate your words--that is SO us! I think it is normal for kids to be different with different parents--we bring different things to the table. But, I actually want to make it easier for my husband, so he isn't battling her per se, but like I mentioned...it works.

Thanks again!