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hmmm. I don't even know if this is the right forum for this. I don't know if this is a real gentle discipline issue, or what.<br><br>
My 2 year old is being very possessive of her toys these days. even the ones that aren't hers ( <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> ) some of the toys that my littler baby has, H will take away. S doesn't even have very many toys, not that she cares, but they are kind of age specific (vibrating thingy with black/white...)<br><br>
H will play with her nicely, in a way, but she will take whatever S sets her focus on, and sometimes will say "mine". S doesn't really care yet, but I want her to not learn to be so much like this. Is there somehow I can divert this possesiveness? It's nice that they play together, but I can see how this could get to be an issue a ways down the road.<br><br>
I have never taught my DD to be possessive, and we're not very materialistic, but she definatly does become "grabby" at times. With older kids (her age) this happens frequently. How do I handle that situation as well?<br><br>
TIA<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Well, my little guy is 3, and I know 3 is not 2, but here's what worked for us. I told him he could have it when his sister was finished with it. He learned to wait until she dropped it or lost interest in it and then he swooped in. At first it sometimes worked, sometimes didn't but now he knows to wait for his turn. So I would say "sister's turn, then your turn" type thing. Also, be careful not to "grab" anythign from her even if retrieving, but try to have her hand it back to the child, assuring her that her turn is next. Good luck, it's a tricky one!
 

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I don't know. I might say something like, "It isn't nice to take your sister's toys away from her. If you want it, please ask her and give her something to take its place."<br><br>
I think by the time S starts to mind, H will have outgrown it, but I know what you mean about reinforcing the fact htat she shouldn't take things away from people.
 

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I got the exact opposite advice on this when we were in that phase and what we did was totally praise the baby for sharing. "Wow ds2 you are such a good sharer, that is so nice of you to let your brother play with that XXX that you were using. DS1 really appreciates you letting him play with that XXX and it is so nice of you to be so generous." Then I would turn to my older child and say something like, "Please remember to ask your brother if he will share will you next time. It will hurt his feelings if you grab things out of his hands. Can you play with that for a couple of minutes and then give it back to him and say thank you" If I needed to, I would prompt the return and thank you after a few minutes.<br><br>
5 month olds are developmentally better sharers that 2 or 3 year olds so this is an opportunity to create a learning moment for your older child and build up some goodwill between the kids before the little one starts grabbing stuff. Ths actually worked GREAT for us. It feels a bit counterintuitive at first but the last thing you want to do is take the toy back from the older child since you are then modeling the very behavior (big takes from little) that you want to stop.<br><br>
HTH<br>
BJ<br>
Barney & Ben
 

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We aren't very materialistic nor possessive either and my ds went through a SUPER grabby phase - we started doing a "put your hands on your head game" That way if ds was grabbing at something I would tell him to put his hands on his head and he was to keep them there until I gave him a big hug - during the hug I would tell him that I love him and I know it is hard to share/wait sometimes but he can't grab things away from his friends. If he could wait a second it would be his turn and then I would help the kids work the turns out and dish out some phase all around.<br><br>
That being said - I found this a very trying phase and give you hugs for going through this - sharing is hard and truthfully they don't see many models for it from adults. We rarely just give neighbors our cars, toys, etc. A few of my friends and I threw a couple of "sharing playdates" while our kids were at the height of this where the moms shared stuff - like my friend wore my hat and we switched cell phones and called our dhs. We were really weird and theatrical about it and the kids thought it was a RIOT.<br><br>
BJ<br>
Barney & Ben
 

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I nicely told my older DD to find something nice for her little sister to play with. I didn't make a big deal out of her taking the toy, because DD#2 didn't care and I had enough stress at that point without making it into a discipline issue. This worked really, really well for a long time. Big sis got in the habit of making sure that little sis had some kind of toy and little sis didn't mind her toys getting "switched" at random.
 

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DD #1 (Pumpkin, 4 yrs) doesn't want baby spit on her stuff. So DD #2 (Peanut, 6 months) has her own basket of toys. If Pumpkin wants to redirect Peanut, she hands her one of Peanut's own toys<br><br>
The redirection seems to work really well.
 
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