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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just in different situations, I'm unsure what to do. Not that all these things have happened yet - it's more hypotheticals. DS has just started getting out of the parallel play thing but not completely yet.
But for example, what would you do if someone grabs something from your DC's hand? This has happened to DS and I sometimes distract him with something else but I don't know if I'm "defending" him or if I should leave him to do it to an extent.
When he's taken from others I've either distracted him with another toy and he voluntarily gives the other toy back.
Another example, pushing. What do you do when other kids push yours. For DS doing things to other kids I sort of have an idea of how I want to deal with it. With hitting I'd like to point out how the other child is hurt and feeling sad and I would apologize to the child myself (he can apologize if he wants).
Hmmm...can't think of any others right now, but my question is more about what to do when other kids do something to yours to make them upset and the parents don't stop it or aren't around.
 

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Well, I try to think of it in terms of "what is my child learning here?"

I don't necessarily think it's bad if another child hits or pushes my child. It all depends on my child's reaction as to whether I:

a) do nothing, just observe
b) intervene on my child's behalf
c) seek out the other child's parent and open a discussion
d) commit to avoiding that child in future

In the case of (a) I feel I'm doing my child an injustice by intervening before I have a full understanding of the dynamics. If it seems like my child is coping with the situation and not calling me into the situation I sit tight and keep watching. I might stop him/her from learning how to be assertive, defend him/herself or avoid that child again in future. eg, my son used to play with a little girl who would pinch and hit. He used to cringe when she motioned to hurt him, but he soon learned to stay out of her way. In time (read: many months), the little girl learned that other children react negatively to her chosen mode of conflict resolution and with some help from the other mothers in the group (redirecting to patting and rubbing instead of pinching and hitting) she learned to direct her impulse elsewhere.

In the case of (b) I might step in if my child is overwhelmed or upset or obviously being exploited somehow. I usually help him/her find the words to assert him/herself and a strategy/solution to avoid the event happening again. eg "I can see that Ben doesn't like being pushed. He would really like to play with this toy too. What can we do? Can we take turns?"

In the case of (c) I would assume the parent is co-operative in finding a solution and avoid assigning any blame. Again, the objective is to help the children learn how to manage themselves. eg, "I see Bobby and Ben are clashing a lot today. I'm okay with standing back and watching what happens if you are. Maybe we can help them find a solution?" or similar collaborative approach to the situation.

And (d) is pretty self-explanatory I think. To date, I have never done it - but I swing in pretty like-minded circles. I would only really avoid a certain child if I found the mother completely unhelpful.

I have learned that some parents have ridiculously high expectations of their toddlers in a social setting. I think it is always helpful to show other parents what your expectations are (eg, take turns instead of sharing) and it is invaluable to have double ups of almost everything so that toddlers can still play side-by-side with the same/similar toys.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yeah I feel wrong intervening to early. I feel like I'm getting in the way of him developing his own way of dealing with things. I thought maybe I was overthinking it but I guess I'm not the only one who feels that way.
I pretty much do what you have listed - altho it's never gotten to the point where I needed to get the mother involved.
 
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