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Background info: DD is just shy of 21 months old. She has always been a high needs personality and has an extremely goal oriented mindset. The kid has a one track mind (and it usually involves my chest)! If she could camp out on the boob all day she definitely would. She still nurses multiple times per day, with numerous fly-by nips here and there. I stay with her while she naps and when she goes to sleep for the night as that is the only way she will actually stay asleep. She has always been a crappy sleeper and has always needed physical contact to stay asleep. She will not accept any lovey for comfort and is so seemingly distraught if she cannot have booby when she feels she has to have it. She still nurses 3 - 4 times per night and will not accept any nighttime comforting from DH. She has also had an awful time with all her teeth and will latch on like a barnacle if they are bothering her. She is currently working on the 2yr molars on and off.<br><br>
Problem: If I deny her at any particular time (at church, for example) she will throw an impressive fit and will not settle down until she gets it. I'm talking prolonged, purple faced, inconsolable wailing. Nothing and no one can make it stop except nursing her. And when she is finally snuggled up where she wants to be, under the palpable relief there is such a profound sadness, like she is asking "Why couldn't I just have it to begin with, I love it so much?" That is what gets me more than the fit throwing, the feeling that I denied her comfort that is so easy to give simply because I deem that the place and time is not appropriate.<br><br>
Most days I am pretty content to nurse when she needs/wants. The fits don't happen very often because I don't deny very often. I would really like to be able for her to get through at least the 1st third of church without us having a battle over booby. I have talked with her about how we need to wait until the sermon to go downstairs and nurse, but she always winds up demanding before the appointed time and throwing said fit. We have tried DH taking her out and me staying in, but as I mentioned before, she will not calm down and I wind up having to go down anyway and stop the wailing the only way she will accept. We have tried snacks, bringing quiet things to do (paper, pencil, books, stuffed animals etc.) but all she wants to do is nurse. Sometimes she will ask (loudly) for booby then I will take her downstairs and all she will do is run around. More recently we are starting to have mealtime battles about it. DD will finish her meal first, ask to get down, and then will want to sit on my lap while I finish eating. While I don't mind that part, as often she will pick off my plate and get in a few more bites that way, oftentimes, at dinnertime in particular, she will ask to nurse and then throw "the fit" until I am done eating. When we are home I have made the decision not to nurse due to my not being finished eating yet, I tell her that I understand she really wants to have booby right now, but that I am finishing dinner. When I am done with dinner then we can have booby. You may sit quietly with me while I finish or you may play with your toys while you wait. None of that works of course, and I am left listening to a very upset child until I finish. I understand that she is expressing her feelings about the situation, but good grief, does it ever get any better? (FYI, DH isn't home for dinner a good bit of the time as he's recently gone back to work and does side work as well. Even when he is there for dinner though, DD is not content to sit with him if she gets the idea in her head that she wants to nurse.)<br><br>
I know she has the ability to go for as many as 4 hours without nursing. When we visit relative's houses she can get so involved in exploring that she will forget about nursing so frequently. I need to do a better job of offering new and interesting activities at home so that she doesn't nurse out of boredom but I am tapped out. I am feeling so drained. I kept hoping that after 18 months she might drop her level of intensity but it just hasn't happened.<br><br>
I don't want to wean her. I think it would break both our hearts. But I am so conflicted as to how to handle putting more limits on it. The more primitive side of me says that she still has genuine need whereas the practical side of me that has to survive in modern day society says something has to give. Any advice, or at least commiseration?
 

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just wanted to offer some hugs from a BTDT mama. All 3 of mine have had that kind of high needs personality to some extent. My last one is the least attached to nursing. I had *no limits* with my first 2...and they took it as such. My 3rd just consequentially had more limits and has not had as much of a need. Could have been just personality differences, but IDK. I nursed for EVERY cry for my first two...just haven't done that with my 3rd. Not sure if it's because she didn't press and so I have averted nursing sessions, or if it is because I didn't give her the impression that she could or needed to nurse for every emotional upheaval.<br><br>
In hindsight...I don't know how I feel about the way I parented with regards to nursing.<br><br>
I will say this...if you are feeling resentful...you have to take a step back and be aware of/honor your feelings. I'm not saying you have to wean...but you have to support your own needs to. I say this because over time...it can truly cause some resentful issues.<br><br>
Overall I have LOVED my nursing relationships. However, nursing, like many other areas of parenthood for me...has been draining at times. So I urge you to find a way to recharge your batteries so you have positive perspective each time you nurse. Try to think about this...It's really only such a short time in their lives. Try to enjoy as many of those tender nursing moments as you can, while enjoying the tender non-nursing moments as well.<br><br>
It's late, I know I sound disjointed, so I'm sorry for that.<br><br>
Take care, Mama.
 

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How long have you persisted? With my DD (now 18 mos) I nursed on demand for the first year and then some time after that I picked times we'd nurse and didn't deviate. She definitely had fits but I distracted, comforted, flat out refused, cuddled and after... a week? or so she adjusted. I kept it light. I knew from my son that it's what I wanted to do. Knew what burnout felt like (and how I was fast approaching it) so I approached it in a really upbeat way because I knew how much happier we'd all be once we adjusted to the new days.<br><br>
And we are.<br><br>
But people get through it other ways for sure. I just knew my limits. And honored them, I guess. There is honor in every choice path you take here! Good luck.
 
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