[alexsam]

Is this a phase? If not, what do I do? My 23 month old is hitting, pushing, plling kids to the floor, throwing monster tantrums, etc. Nothing big has changed in our lives, and I (neively!) thought this kind of things would pass us by- our home is a quiet, happy place, I am a SAHM, we don't have a TV, we go to playgroups with lovely moms and friends. It really is a happy, quiet, toddler existance. Then, out of the blue, my usually sweet and gentle DS has started to do this stuff. I've tried everything I can think of- explaining, encouraging "sorry", trying to head off the behavior if I see it coming, and, as a last resort, a time out (though I am pretty sure he is too young to connect the behavior with this "consequence", so I only did it because I can't figure out how to stop this!). We have been going like this for 2 weeks.

HELP! Is this a phase at around 23 months? Will it pass? If not, what do I do? I am at the end of my rope. We just had to leave a playgroup because DS would not stop yanking kids shirts and throwing them to the ground

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[monkey's mom]

Totally a phase. Totally normal.

He will outgrow it!

Sounds like you are doing all the right things to guide, prevent, explain, and avoid.

I promise you: eventually it will sink in and it will stop!

My son's toddler yrs. were spent doing the exact behaviors you describe. Now, at 4.5, he is calm and gentle and non-violent.

Hang in there!!!

 

[alexsam]

 

[5gifts]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexsam HELP! Is this a phase at around 23 months? Will it pass? If not, what do I do? I am at the end of my rope. We just had to leave a playgroup because DS would not stop yanking kids shirts and throwing them to the ground .

With my 4 boys I have found that when they act like this they really need a werestling sesion with Dad!

It gives them an appropriate outlet for all that 'boy energy'. Of course he does it all in fun & never tries to scare them.(well every once in a while daddy's growls will send them running to me - only to run right back laughing

)

The mildest of my boys never even bonked, poked or pulled his siblings until almost 4yo.(which he is now) However my youngest monster (now 17mo) has always hit everyone on the head, pulled hair etc... even an accidental bonk will set him cackling...then doing it again

: Oh ..and the pinching too!! We all take turns wrestling with him, swinging him around wildly, throwing him up in the air.....anything to get his extra energy out! If he's cranky & fighting a nap (and that usually means fighting me & being ugly if I try to even hold him), we run back to my bed - he gets all excited - I fling us down on the bed together & flip and tumble him all around for a few minutes. Then he is calm and happy & nurses to sleep.

When I try to read bedtime stories in the living room he was attacking me from behind & pulling hair - not mad at me, just laughing & thinking it was funny. Well I just reached behind & grabbed him & fipped him over my head! He loved it! Now every night he runns up behind me, hugs my neck & walks his feet up my back. I just duck down, support his head & let him flip over me - and he does this till he's ready to nurse!

: So the 4 yo gets his story & the babay gets the attention HE wants....with no fights LOL!

If those peer problems in playgroup aren't anger problems, then maybe some really physical or outdoor play before you go could get some of that pent up energy out....so that it doesnt 'burst out' in the excitement of playing with friends

!

 

[Tori Gollihugh]

It could be a phase, but it's more than likely to continue unless you help it end! If he feels he has power, why would he give it up - yaknow?

Leaving is a very good reaction - ESPECIALLY if he wants to stay!!!

Do you make sure to explain your expectations before the outing or event? I've found that this makes like MUCH easier and better when we're out and about!! Make sure to be specific and convey your meaning at least twice before entering any given situation (at least that's what I did at first and it made a tremendous difference). Now I only have to have the expectation conversation once before each new activity and we have a good outcome 99.99 percent of the time!

 

[abac]

How large is your playgroup? Large groups of children can be overwhelming and overstimulating. I also find with ds (28 months) that playing with children his own age can be more frustrating as the other children are figuring out the same skills. Having him play with older children works much better as they are often more understanding of his age and abilities, and tend to have more patience with him.

From your post, it sounds like your little guy is not doing these things out of anger, but rather because he is overstimulated and excited, and maybe is trying to engage the other children in play. I would focus on helping him learn appropriate ways to engage other children, (is he verbal?) and would avoid situations with too many children.

 

[alexsam]

No, it's not in anger. He's not frustrated or angry- I think curious. I think, honestly, he's interested in the idea that his buddy will scream and fall down if he yanks him... (he thinks "Well! Now that was quite a response! And look! He fell! Did I do that? Let me try it again..."). At 23 months, I don't really think he has a strong idea of empathy (though he does say "Sorry!" and offer a kiss for his offenses, I don't think those ideas are from "feeling", but from "This is what we do after we conk somebody"). So, I tried to say "See how Johnny is upset after you hit him? That makes him sad! We don't want to do that to other people!" But in my honest oppinion, I don't think he really gets it yet.

So, what's left? If the child isn't doing it out of maliciousness, just curiosity, and does not understand empathy yet... It seems like there is not much I can do with that that would be meaningful as well as effective

.

 

[monkey's mom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexsam So, what's left? If the child isn't doing it out of maliciousness, just curiosity, and does not understand empathy yet... It seems like there is not much I can do with that that would be meaningful as well as effective .

You just keep modelling, teaching, explaining, and protecting everyone as best you can. And do that about a million more times and viola! He passes through that phase with an understanding about what is appropriate, his dignity intact, his attachment to you secure, and some good tools in his toolbox as he moves into the next phase.

And about that time you will feel ready to be discharged from the loony bin!

:

Or maybe that was just me!