[alexsam]

Is this a phase? If not, what do I do? My 23 month old is hitting, pushing, plling kids to the floor, throwing monster tantrums, etc. Nothing big has changed in our lives, and I (neively!) thought this kind of things would pass us by- our home is a quiet, happy place, I am a SAHM, we don't have a TV, we go to playgroups with lovely moms and friends. It really is a happy, quiet, toddler existance. Then, out of the blue, my usually sweet and gentle DS has started to do this stuff. I've tried everything I can think of- explaining, encouraging "sorry", trying to head off the behavior if I see it coming, and, as a last resort, a time out (though I am pretty sure he is too young to connect the behavior with this "consequence", so I only did it because I can't figure out how to stop this!). We have been going like this for 2 weeks.

HELP! Is this a phase at around 23 months? Will it pass? If not, what do I do? I am at the end of my rope. We just had to leave a playgroup because DS would not stop yanking kids shirts and throwing them to the ground

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[MeganW]

I think it is. And it is one I've caught A LOT of grief over. Although I've tried and tried to get DD to understand that what she is doing is hurting others (usually me or her dad) it is still going on. We've tried preventing, crying (pretend), moving away, redirecting and taking her hand and showing her a "gentle" touch. This seems to work in the moment but that doesn't mean she wont wail me in the face the next day. I'm not sure how long this "phase" is supposed to last but I HOPE it's almost over. My dd is also 23months old however she's been doing th is for about 4months.

 

[alexsam]

Yes, we've tried those too. We've had "episodes" for the past few months, but usually it was directly related to being over-stimulated or over-excited and it did not create a pattern (you know, the occasional shove over a toy or a dog pet getting too rough) but this is... different. Before, it was pretty innocent and would pass quickly and certainly was not any type of behavior that would "stand-out" for the 1.5 year old set. But this is clearly a problem..

 

[alexsam]

 

[illinoismommy]

Hmmm I don't really know what to say, I'm not an expert. My son is 23 months too, well for the next 2 weeks anyway. Wow he's going to be two. He's more aggressive with me than with other children. He gets mad if I don't do what he thinks I should do. Often diaper changing time is a struggle where he is trying to kick me so that I won't change his diaper, and he is sooooo strong. I get really frustrated. I just try to tell myself that so long as I stay calm and consistant he's going to grow out of it. One thing gentle parents tell me to do... help him express his feelings "you're mad because we're leaving the park..." that way when he's older he'll know how to express them without the fits and hitting.

Mostly I would say that kids at this age are not ready to play with others without hands-on supervision. My son will take toys from his little friends if I don't pay attention, and his little friends will do the same. So we're always in there helping them NOT take other people's toys, or taking them and giving them back. Yesterday at the park my son was touching a tree, and his friend was touching the tree and he kept getting mad and pushing his friend's hands off the tree.

So I got right up and went over and helped his hands not push his friends hands. You know what I mean? They don't get it.... they just have these HUGE feelings and impulsively act on them immediately. The best way to get him to stop pushing is to pull him away when he does it and say "we don't push..." redirect, redirect, redirect.... and yes, you might have to do it 100+ times but eventually he WILL get it if you are calm and consistant. When he's older you'll hear him tell his friends "we don't push..." and then it will be worth it.

 

[girlsmamma2]

oh honey, I am right there with ya! I have a soon to be 23 monther and this is all she has been doing the last couple months. We do have a new baby in the house, 2 months, but she adores him and doesn't have any of it directed towards him. Some of it is indirectly because he is here and i simply don't have the ability to pick her up like i used to because he is always in my arms or the sling. We also have a 3 1/2 dd who is taking the brunt of my middle dd's anger. She tries to bite, push hit etc. This has been going on for a couple months and I too can't wait for this to pass. She is ramping up quickly in her verbal ablitity and can tell me when she is tried, hungry etc but still is majorly frustrated. She is just now beginning to stop herself or bite something else when she feels upset towards her sister or me.

My oldest dd never ever ever had any of these issues so this has completely caught me off guard. I just feel so inadequate like I just can't help her. My older had one tantrum and that was it, ever. Since then we use words and problems are quickly, i mean quickly over and aired out. This "mean" streak in my middle girl is just really hard for me to sit and watch, trying everything like you said. THe only thing that worked so that she actually remembered it was I got so mad a couple of times seeing my older more delicate dd be a victim is I put her in a room that has only a couch in it and closed the door for a minute or two. Then talked to her about why she was in there etc. I did this 3 times , then worried she'd remember or have awful "issues" with the door shut being so young all alone etc. So I stopped this "time out" way of doing things. But I have to say that if I even mention it "Emily, do you want to go in the other room by yourself again?" she quickly says "no mamma" and stops doing whatever she's doing. She has no idea that I won't ever do that again, but just the memory of it helped.

I know she is trying but damn...i hate this stage. i can't wait for it to be over. I always prided myself on not having "kids like that". ug! now i eat my words!!!! my determined little squirt....i feel sorry for any future boyfriends out there as she is one little fireball!