[rainbowmoon]

I have tried everything to get him to stop. what can I do? I am really fed up with it!!!!

he hits when he's excited, playing,mad whatever. (he even smacked a total stranger across the face at 16mo

) it's got to stop! please help! I have told him repeatedly "your hands are not for hitting" and "we don't hit with our hands, we are gentle with our hands" and so on. He has my attention ALL THE TIME so it's not lack of attention. he will slap while we are playing one on one. I just don't get it??? I have shown him how to be gentle OVER & OVER,redirected him and also just plain walked away from him when he starts smacking me. he's just not getting it though. I feel like I have tried everything and tried to be consistant as well but nothing is really working. he has been a hitter since he was like 9mo (way before his dad died and no I don't think it's gotten worse, just not any better in the least and now he's added punching n& is so much bigger and stronger at this point) so it's been like 20 months of this and I am going

! PLEASE help us!

 

[DevaMajka]

There might be helpful info here. Especially Sledg's post #15 http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=494200

Focus on showing your ds what to do instead, give him other ways to express his excited, playing,mad whatever feelings.
My ds hit (past tense- he goes through phases) when he was playing. So I'd tell him that if he wants to play with me, he can put his toy in my hand.
If he wants to experiment with hitting, he needs to find things that ok to hit. When he was younger, I'd suggest things to hit- the couch, the wall, etc. I'd tell him to pay attention to the different sounds things make, etc. As he got older I'd ask what types of things he thought would be ok to hit.
(obviously, I'd tell him why I don't want him to hit me. But without giving him an acceptable way to express his particular impulse, he had a hard time complying.)

 

[rainbowmoon]

thanks so much for the link

I most certainly do need to take a step back.. I have tried giving him a bean bag chair to hit and that went over ok for about 2 min. I will try that again. though I admit I am a bit reluctant to actually encourage it.

 

[DevaMajka]

I'll add that I don't think its a good idea to encourage hitting in anger. There have been lots of posts on that. But there are a lot of other things you can do- encourage him to use words, I tell ds to make a "mad face," you can tell him to "roar" like a lion, clap his hands, whatever.
But I think encouraging "experimental" hitting is just fine. Or playful hitting. Ds used to love to hit things with drum sticks. lol. And I was fine with encouraging that.

eta- I'm so sorry about your dh

 

[rainbowmoon]

thanks mama, I do appreciate the advice. I am on here searching for other threads and more ideas. I am at the point I will try anything right now! I hate to say it but I'm glad to know my DS isn't the only hitter out there and we will get past this (crazy rationalization I know

: )