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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is getting incredibly frustrating for me, because DD used to not be this way. But within the last month or so, everytime something does not go her way she says "I need to nursie to feel better." If I try to comfort her in other ways, she just gets hysterical. If she is physically hurt, she doesnt need to nurse. But if her feelings are hurt, if you tell her no, if plans changed, if there is any type of emotional upset, she cant deal with it without nursing. She will be 4 in March, and, like I said, this is a new thing for her.<br><br>
We havent had any type of major change in our lives. We have talked about being done nursing when she turns 4, but SHE is the one who said she would be done at 4, because thats when her older cousin was done. She is also really scared of everything. She can't handle being alone anywhere in the house, she wont play outside without me right next to her, but thats thanks to our lovely maintenance men. Towards the end of the summer, she was playing outside with her friend when the maintenance men drove their golf cart maintenance trucks up on the sidewalks, right behind the girls. It scared the crap out of her, and she has never gotten over it. But it wasnt for at least 2 months afterward that this "nursie to feel better" thing started.<br><br>
Oh, and now she is developing a stutter. Actually, it was really bad 2 weeks ago, but its gotten significantly better. Now she only does it with the word "but". She repeat that word over and over and over again.<br><br>
Alrighty, so any ideas? Has anybody been through anything similar? I would really like her to have some coping skills other than my breasts.
 

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I dont have any advice as i have yet to make it that far nursing but thought if you post under the breastfeeding forum there is a spot for extended bfing I cant remember the title of course lol. Good luck though that sounds exausting.
 

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I have had a similar experience. My DD is now over 5 and we weaned (mostly my choice) when she was 3.5 months shy of her 4th birthday. We were largely done nursing (only occaisionally in the day, or when something upset her and at bedtime). Anyway, I pretty much bribed her off the breast and it worked. The weaning wasn't without difficulty and dedication, but that is another story.<br><br>
I think in your case you should maybe keep the notion that she has a lot of fear and her stuttering seperated in your mind. There may be a connection, but there may not be one either.<br><br>
I think at 3.5 just growing older in awareness and in their little bodies is enough to cause stress and the need to seek comfort. I think that because they are older we tend to view their need for comfort at the breast as maybe not so great when in reality it is the best thing for them. (At least that is what they not only think... it is what they KNOW). It is our jobs to help them learn new coping skills and ways of approaching and dealing with all of the difficulties, fears and hurdles of life (including dealing with those pesky landscapers).<br><br>
Personally, it was not until I weaned my daughter that we could begin this process of learning new skills becasue I would always let her nurse if she wanted to even I was in the roll my eyes, can't believe she is nursing kinda mood. Hence we could not learn new coping skills because the ideal coping mechanism was still available.<br><br>
I do understand those who think children should nurse until they are ready to stop, but that was not the case for us. We found a happy medium and my Dd nursed for 44 months and then I was like, okay.... done. We had to move on in several areas and so we did.<br><br>
Hope this helps, good luck.
 

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The stammering is really common at that age, so I wouldn't worry about that. Denali did a lot of stammering on and off between that ages of three and four and a half. it kinda came and went. Sometimes it seemed to be happening every other sentence and drove us nuts. It makes sense, though: little kids have so many thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and the problem is they don't have a way to really express all that. Too many ideas and very few skills to get them all out in an organized way! So it gets "backed up" in their little heads and and comes out as a stammer. She completely stopped after awhile.
 

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My DD had an emotional period right about 3.5. It didn't last very long. She would get really upset and run off to her room and then cry in there until one of us came in and talked to her. Of course we went as soon as we heard her. I think it's common for 3.5 year old to be more emotional for abit. Your DD's coping skills will get better on their own, just be accepting of her now.<br><br>
With the weaning stuff. My DD weaned herself about a month before turning 4. We hadn't talked about it or anything, she just started not drinking breast milk. She'd nurse for seconds. She continued with that for about two months and then stopped completely. She was still nursing quite abit at 3.5, even nursing to sleep. I wouldn't have expected her to wean before 4.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks, ladies. That is very helpful. I am trying to be very patient and understanding and accepting of this, I just dont want her to grow to be emotional incompetent because she never learned to deal with lifes ups and downs in any way other than nursing. I know that may sound silly, but I havent been around too many kids who have nursed this long,so I dont know what to expect. I dont know what is normal and what is abnormal.
 

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Don't worry that nursing on demand will make your DD too emotionally dependent. Taking care of LOs needs makes them feel secure and will help them be more emotionally healthy and independent. As I said in the earlier post my DD nursed anytime she wanted and she quit on her own. We also co-sleep or maybe I should say co-slept since my DD has decided, just this week, that she likes her bed and bedroom better and now is sleeping in there. Again this was her decision with no prompting on our part at all. I actually couldn't sleep the first night she slept there it was just so different.<br><br>
My DD was definitely a child that went from being a very needy 3.5 year old to a pretty independent 4 year old. She still has her needy moments, but the change in the last couple of months is incredible. You might be able to tell I'm still not used to it, lol, but she's fine with it all.
 

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mama my dd is 7.25 years and she is still nursing. our ending is getting close. she may nurse just for 10 secs once or twice a week, but she still wants it.<br><br>
i am SOOO GRATEFUL for that.<br><br>
she is a super sensitive child with anxiety. and nursing is like therapy to her. nothing, NOTHING else calmed her down as nursing did. she did that emotional nursing thing since she was about 18 months old.<br><br>
today seh is a super independent, gutsy, kind child. and its because she had her needs taken care of. her need for safety and nurturing was met. i am just so so so grateful we had such a simple thing as nursing to help her thru this. i didnt have to do play therapy.<br><br>
check into your own feelings. why are you feeling this way. are you letting society dictate to you how your dd should feel. how much she should be independent?<br><br>
i have discovered the way to independence is being super dependent. at least in my dd's case.<br><br>
my dd is in a second/third grade split class. due to CA budget she had no space in her second grade class. at the PT conference her teacher told me my dd was the ONLY child who hadnt cried even ONCE in his class. all the other kids had cried multiple times (for various reasons) but she didnt.<br><br>
so for me knowing my dd - i think for her the nutrition aspect of nursing was the least important - in my books. i mean she could have had formula. there is something there. but her need was far more greater than nutrition. her need for her fears (she is extremely imaginative and a philosopher) - for safety, reassurance that no matter what goes on in the world at least mama is always there and the boob too.<br><br>
we are towards the end of our nursing journey. and i am so so so grateful that i did that. that i at least had that to help my dd. nursing and cosleeping are two things that have contributed to who she is today. a gutsy confident child who is not scared of standing up to the bullies. who in fact befriends bullies and tries to find out what makes them bullies. for that one reason i am super proud of her. but that supreme confidence and self esteem comes from nursing and cosleeping.<br><br>
to heck what society says what is appropriate or not appropriate about nursing or cosleeping. what my dd says about it is the most important.<br><br>
what is replacing nursing? people around her whom she trusts to talk to about her deepest feeling. her class teacher is one of them.
 

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My dd announced last winter that my milk was going to go away when she turned 3. I wasn't completely sure I was ready to stop, but she kept saying that and I decided to go along with it. So we talked for the few months leading up to her birthday about how the milk will go away and brainstormed ideas together for how our new bedtime and morning routines would go. We talked a lot about other ways to feel close to each other. This went on for months. Then 2 weeks before her birthday we did a countdown calendar (kind of like Advent) where a star went on the chart each night before nursing until all the spaces were filled up. On the last night we nursed, said goodbye to the milk, and pretended to toss the milk up to the stars. There were a few stressful days after that, mostly because of my intense hormone crash, but it was good. We had already developed our plan together for what was going to replace nursing in our lives and once we got over a few days of adjustment that all fell into place nicely. So my advice is to take hold of her saying she will stop nursing when she is 4 (if you think that is best for her and you are ready, too!) and turn that into an event to plan for and look forward to--and to celebrate along with her birthday.
 

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My son will be 4 in february and he has been scared of things lately. Usually they are things he does not want to do like cleaning the house or putting his shoes on. He doesn't nurse anymore, but I do notice a big tug-of-war in him right now. He goes from being fiercely independant one minute to wanting to be a baby the next. My biggest thing right now is why can he ride a 2 wheeler but he won't poop in the potty? They are confusing little creatures.
 

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Just wanted to let you know that my 3 1/2 year old is the same. Whenever there is frustration or stress (particularly in social situations), he melts down big time and the only words i can understand are: "I want milkie!!!!!"<br><br>
Like your dd, my ds doesn't always need it for physical hurts now, more for times when things haven't gone as he has wanted it, or how he expects it to.<br><br>
Apart from using milkie to deal with these episodes, he has really lost interest in nursing, except first thing in the morning and last thing at night.<br><br>
Sometimes I have patience for it, but otherwise it can drive me nuts (particularly if we are out and about, or if he has just had his morning milkie 5 minutes ago). I am very inconsistent about letting him have milkie in these situations... usually it's to do with the (fairly lax) limits that are usually in place, such as not nursing in a busy shop, or when I've just sat down to eat and I'm starving.<br><br>
I know that ds wont want milkie forever, but still, it gets very wearing somehow nursing for 10 minutes or more, when I'd love to be able to just hug and talk softly (or something!!!)<br><br>
I have talked to ds about what happens when he is upset and milkie is not around (when I'm at work, and he's with dh or my mum), and he says "then I just don't need milkie, I feel better just by myself! Both my mum and dh say that ds won't let them console him, he will shut himself in a room and cry and cry until he's calmer. He just gets worked up if they try to intervene. I don't know how I would feel if ds didn't come to me when he was upset, but did this instead. I would feel like I would want to hold him or be near him at least.<br><br>
Hope that's helpful, at least in regard to the nursing! I can't comment on the stammering, apart from knowing a few friends whose kids have gone through phases of doing this and come through it fine without any specific intervention.
 
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