Mothering Forum banner
1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,904 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
what is another gentle discipline way to get my daughter to stop hitting the dog with her hand/objects. she never ever does it in a mean way, it's always out of play,like she'll chase her with a toy and then sometimes hit her with it...maybe to see how she or me reacts? but she'll also just be standing next to her and hit her almost like she's petting her, but she does it really hard. dd is 3 and dog is big, so she can take it, but it's not exactly a trait i want my daughter to have.

what i have done is tell her
"don't hit my dog", "we don't hit because it hurts" "Gypsy doesn't like it when you hit her" etc. etc.

she always says "ok" and sometimes says "sorry, Gyps" and gives her hugs, but it's like she TOTALLY forgets or thinks i forget. she has also started swatting me (like just swinging her arms and they smack my side or my belly), in the same "playful" way. In which cases, i get down to her level and hold her hands and say something like "adrianna, i don't like it when you hit me because it hurts. don't hit".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,086 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by mamatoady
but it's like she TOTALLY forgets...
Your intuition is spot on! At this age (and well beyond), gentle, but firm repetition of messages is key. They have so little control over impulses and I found with DS that sometimes he just got into a "mode" of doing things a certain way, and it just took time (and patience!) for it to pass. One thing I had to keep in mind with DS is to not make a big deal of it, keep my tone relaxed. If I let myself get sparked over it, then it usually perpetuated the issue. Another suggestion is when she's hitting the dog, gently stop her hand and guide her to a more gentle way of making contact and perhaps mention how very much "Gyps" appreciates it.


One other thing I can suggest is that while telling her what is not acceptable is certainly appropriate here, you may also suggest to her things she can hit: a drum for example, a table, the floor, etc. Sometimes just a simple redirection can be very helpful.

Beyond that, if hitting ever becomes a bigger "issue" DS and I have had great success with a game suggested in Lawrence Cohen's book, "Playful Parenting" where we introduce "The School of Pillow Management" where I'm super "in charge" in a silly way, and tell DS where and how to place and stack a bunch of pillows, and then tell him that the only rule at the school is, that no matter what, he CAN'T bop me with the pillows! And of course, once its said that he can't bop me, its the only thing he wants to do, and so he does... and I act all incredulous and even more silly, and we have many laughs. We then change the game to where we once again rearrange the pillows and the only rule is that he CAN hit me and he usually says something like, "but I don't want to hit you now!" Sounds sorta silly I know, but these kinds of games can actually really help kids get a better handle on impulse control and its also a bunch of fun and laughs which are always good for healing.


Sorry if this is WAY more than you had in mind... I'm rambly today.


The best and hang in there mom!
Em
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,904 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thank you. i guess i didn't realize that she still is at an age where i should keep reminding her. i like your pillow idea-i've never been sure of how i felt about redirecting hitting...your still teaching them it's ok to hit,just on different objects....i guess that's ok? lol, i'll get it.

sarah
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,086 Posts
Glad I could help.


Indeed, the book, "Playful Parenting" has made me think differently about a lot of things. In particular, those things that are just natural for them to do, those things that we do not have control over, and the things we can do to help them rechannel the energy, and also help them work through those "not so nice" things they are bound to be curious about and try. It's helped me let go a little, and also realize just how unrealistic I used to be about things like hitting, how terribly serious I took them and how my reaction to the situations, no matter how carefully I worded things, DH clearly felt bad for something he did by simple lack of impulse control--talk about feeling out of control. The more "out of control" he felt, the less he was able to control himself and the problem would worsen.

And what I've found by and large, is that the more we "play" at things that are "not so nice" the less DS feels compelled to bring them into life, use on the cats, friends, etc. Aggressive feelings are normal, and natural. We all have them. As adults, we have the maturity (hopefully
) to restrain our actions, but kids simply don't always have that kind of impulse control, nor at this young age, are they truly aware of how their actions affect others. All in good time I suppose.


The best,
Em
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top