[stafl]

Yesterday, after playing with some friends earlier in the day, DD used a vulgar word for a certain body part, and said it in context of having babies, as she touched herself there. It isn't like she was talking about a kitty cat...

Okay, I did educate her about how babies are born when I was pregnant with her sister because we planned for her to be present at the birth.
But I know for a fact that neither DH nor I have ever used that particular word in her presence (we don't use that word even when she isn't around).

So, I asked her where she heard that word, and she got a look on her face like she was in trouble and wouldn't tell me. I didn't press the issue or ask any leading questions that she might answer with what she thought I wanted her to say instead of the truth. Plus, I didn't want to make a big deal of it.

Now I don't know what to do. The word itself doesn't bother me so much as the fact that someone has been talking to my three year old about certain private body parts, and their function. But that word *does* bother me because of negative connotations, you know? And for once, I'm glad she's still in diapers, so I know at least nobody has touched her inappopriately (oh, god, I hope not).

I realize the girls she was playing with yesterday may not be where she heard that word, but I still think I should say something to their mother. I really like those girls, and their mom, and don't want to make anyone mad at me over something so trivial. Yet I have this burning need to figure out who it was that told DD that word. And I'm starting to wonder if there's more than just shyness making DD not want to play with her friends or go to group activities that we used to enjoy?

I am so not ready for the talk about bad touches. Oh my, what am I to do?
What would/did you do in such circumstances?

 

[zaftigmama]

If I ask my dd a direct question, she'll occasionally avoid it. But I can usually get her to spill the beans. In a similar situation to yours I would tell her, "You know we use the word vagina, honey" (or whichever word you use). Then, I would say, "Daddy uses the word vagina, Auntie does, Uncle does, Grammy does ..." etc.,. And if I can get her on a roll, she'd probably say who doesn't. She loves to list things, and talk about what is different, or who does something different. Or I can wonder aloud, "I wonder who would use the word (fill in the blank)? I don't think anyone I know would." She'd tell me if she knew who it was, just for the joy of being right.

At three, I wouldn't start a discussion about inappropriate touching that could scare a kid. My ped. tells her that anything that her bathing suit would cover is her private body. And that anyone other than herself HAS to ask her mom or dad before they can see it. And then he makes a point of asking me if he can see her private body. I think she gets it. She loves to yell, "THIS is my private body" usually as she's exposing herself to someone.

It's a tricky situation, good luck!