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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Ladies,
I always thought I was pretty comfortable talking about all things sexual or otherwise. My 3 yr. old dd has been pretty curious about the body lately. Asking me why I have hair on my vagina, why I have breasts, hair under my arms, etc., etc. She has asked me how her sister came out of my belly, and I told her the truth pretty comfortably. Although she hasn't asked me yet how her sister got there, but I'm sure that's coming soon (she's almost 3.5). I'm also one of those people who will openly talk about masterbation and am not embarrassed to admit that I participate. However, that was before I've seen my darling dd enjoy being naked and touching/exploring herself. I've been somewhat okay with it, not making a big deal about it when I see her do this. I figured it's normal and she's curious about her body. Well, more recently, it's been really hard to get her out of the house to do anything or to even go outside to play. She just wants to be naked. I told her we can't go anywhere naked, she has to wear clothes. Everybody wears clothes to protect our bodies and keep them safe. Today was a perfect example. It's been a horrible day behavior wise and in addition to this, it seems she just wants to be naked and exploring her body. I walked into her play area to see her naked, laying down on her back with a toy on her clitoris. I came in the room and caught myself being surprised, asking her what she was doing and I scared her. I told her she shouldn't put things like that on her vagina as she could hurt herself. Now I'm wondering if I should've said anything at all. And my own feelings shocked me. What she's been doing up until now is just spreading her legs to look down there, which I found to be normal. But, the toy incident and her positioning just kind of freaked me out a little and it has me wondering if I'm as open about this as I thought. This is also from a little girl who has always loved to be busy, going outside and doing things. So, for her to tell me that she wants to be naked and indoors all day, kind of freaked me out a little. Am I worrying for nothing? And, what should I say when I catch her doing something that appears to be exploratory masterbation? When should I start to worry about it being "abnormal"? Please help! I'm starting to think I would rather go through potty training all over again than this!


Ladybug Mama to two beautiful girls, (3 yrs. & 21 mos.), and wife to crazy freefalling DH.
Seasons of Cosleeping:

...dd1 ... dd2 ... me with both ... me with dd2 ... dh with dd1
 

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I think it's perfectly normal, momma!!! She is at the age of exploring, and I would just make it a casual conversation to talk about it, if you feel like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, though!!
 

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It sounds to me like you are being really hard on yourself. From my perspective it is possible to feel both a: that bodies are great and that sexual behavior is fun and b: you don't need to be involved in someone else's sexual behavior on your kitchen table or whatever.

My approach would be to simply acknowledge what you know to be true "that feels good" and direct her to the appropriate places to engage in that behavior. I don't see that as a matter of shame but just manners. Manners are about making other people feel comfortable. Nothing wrong with pooping, but past diapers age we generally don't do it in the kitchen. Nothing wrong with masturbation, but it doesn't need to be on the couch when you are sitting next to grandma.
 

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It's totally fine.......Quite a few of my friends kids masterbate. It's ok to set limits though, like you do that in your room/bathroom whatever, and you wash your hands. My best friends dd "bounces" on everything all the time, she's been doing it for a couple of years. The rules they've made are hilariou. Including no asking unsuspecting strangers for "horsey rides".
 

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It is totally normal, but there are reasons that it's usually done in private. It can creep other someone out to watch another person pleasure themself in the middle of a public space. So, while it's perfectly normal and not something to be discouraged, it's perfectly fine ot have limits on it to teach her how to be polite about it (and keep the toys clean
)
 

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I'm hearing that part of what is freaking you out is that she seems to be shunning other activities to have more time to explore herself. If she didn't want to go outside so that she could stay in and read or color all the time, would you feel the same way? Like others said, it's a normal activity, but I'd add that it's also normal for kids to get obsessed or caught up on one activity. For my own dd, it's coloring right now. For your daughter, it's exploring her body. Set your limits, per PP's advice and let it run its course.
 

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Most of the time, if my dd is naked, that's what she's doing. I focus on keeping her dressed rather than addressing her exploration, personally. It's fine by me for her to explore and engage in that sometimes, but if I feel it's all she wants to do then I redirect her somehow "Come on, time to get some clothes on so we can make cookies/draw pictures/go outside!".

I think the toy thing is normal. I haven't experienced that yet, but I wouldn't be too shocked if I did! I wouldn't worry too much about her hurting herself, she will stop if it feels uncomfortable and long before she harms herself.
 

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i think alot of kids that age want to be naked. and most want to explore their bodies. im with others who would suggest that your dd limit that activity to her bedroom, etc. (where you are comfortable). theres nothing wrong with that. what you dont want is for her to think there is something wrong with doing what she is doing. and i don't think she will hurt herself.
my ds2 used to hump a cup before going to sleep and upon waking up (he took a water bottle to bed). either that or his stuffed animal. he hasn't done it in years, but he i saw him doing it a few weeks ago.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks, everyone! It's nice to hear these things, really. It's nice that I can come here and hear that I'm normal, or my kids are normal. There's a lot of things that relatives and friends just don't talk about. Sex and body exploration as a child is one of them. My dd wanted to play outside all day today ... guess she's making up for lost time!
I also really liked what a lot of you said about teaching where it is appropriate to explore/masterbate. I certainly don't want to discourage her, it's just not something a lot of people would feel comfortable with. Keeping the toys clean was a good thought too!


Ladybug Mama to two beautiful girls, (3 yrs. & 21 mos.), and wife to crazy freefalling DH.
Seasons of Cosleeping:

...dd1 ... dd2 ... me with both ... me with dd2 ... dh with dd1
 
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