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DS (3.5) likes to play games that involve him lining up cars precisely on the rug, or making elaborate picnics on a blanket on the floor, or arranging his musical instruments in exactly the right set-up for a concert, etc. etc. Then his 1 yr. old baby sister (A.K.A. Godzilla) comes over and proceeds to mess things up, touch things, pick up things with no regard to their rightful place in the universe. This makes DS freak out - he yells at her, sometimes he pushes her away, or grabs the object out of her hands, etc. DD obviously doesn't enjoy being treated that way so she proceeds to have a freak out of her own. And at this point I feel like freaking out myself.

I have told DS that if he doesn't want anyone to touch his cars, he needs to put them somewhere safe, like on the dining room table, in his room, in my/DH's room, etc. He doesn't want to do this. I thought, well, it really isn't fair to make him go play by himself in another room, so I gated off an area in the living room for him to play in when he wants to. He used it for a couple of days but now he doesn't want to anymore. OK, go back and read the first sentence of this paragraph again. Now read it 200 more times, and you will have an idea of how I spend my time lately. I am really, REALLY tired of saying the same thing a hundred times.

I tell DD that DS is playing with X and she can have a turn in a minute. I try to redirect her and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The whole thing is exhausting because I have to constantly occupy her or she'll want to check out what he's doing and then we'll have civil war again in my living room. I tell DS that she will learn eventually but she is a baby and we have to be patient with her. I try to get them to play together, but if she doesn't do exactly what he wants her to do, he gets mad and starts yelling.

It's not always this bad. But sometimes it is! Please, I'm desperate, help me deal with this situation!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I want to add that I am an only child so I have no personal experience in this area to draw upon. So any insight is appreciated.
 

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FMB...I think we are living parallel lives. I have no great advice. We do the same thigs you are doing. Some days DD is great letting DS play along but other she has had it with him and than I just remind her that it will easier to play that sort of thing when the baby is asleep but for now let's play something we can all play together. Or we go out to the park
 

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Hey
My son is 3 yrs old and my dd is 16 months and i have the same problem. he will spend ages lining his men or cars up somewhere, usually on the chair and then dd comes over and just wrecks it all by knocking them all down.
i have to constantly listen to ds going "mummy move polly away!" over and over again lol, getting louder and louder. I've noticed too that she will take his toys on purpose to tease him, before running away with it laughing to herself!
I try to make a game out of it sometimes by saying "ahhhh no giant baby is coming, quick lets run for cover beofre the giant baby gets here!" and if she manages to grab one of his toys n put it in her mouth ill put on another voice going "help meeeeee! giant baby has put me in her mouth!!" sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
plus in our house there's no where really for ds to keep his toys where dd cannot get them, as she has now learned to climb anywhere he can!
one thing which we do have though is he has his own special lunch box, where he keeps it filled with his special toys that he doesnt want to share. theres only maybe 10 or so toy men and animals in there, but it gives him peace of mind that when its shut dd cant get to it!
sorry not much help but just wanted to say you are not alone!
 

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Absolutely no advice here. It sounds exactly like our situation. Ds freaks out on a daily basis because dd wants to play with his perfectly arranged toys. And forget it if dd happens to NOT want to play the game ds has made up for the two of them. I can deal better with ds. He is getting better at talking to dd and not just pushing her away. Dd is the one who is extremely determined and can throw a major tantrum. How come both my dc's don't welcome re-direction as a parenting tool??
 

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We are here as well! I guess my biggest complaint is that what works one day is a total failure the next... but might work again in another couple of days.. I've never creatively problem solved so much in my life! So I guess you get the gist- of no suggestions here either
 

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This sounds like my kids a year or two years ago . . . they still do this somewhat, but I think reminding your son that she's little helps. Redirecting her helps, explaining that he's in a "common area" therefore more susceptible to little sister and it's his decision to play there and not in his room or someone else. A small child can't be expected to understand but you can try. Big brother needs to understand that he's making this choice, it's a nice little cause and effect. I'm sure the little one is enjoying his freak out a little too.

I know it makes us crazy, they do this a lot less now that my daughter understands more and my son has learned now how to redirect her too, give her a toy and have her play along with whatever they're doing. Mostly it's an age thing, give it time and hang in there until then.
 

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famousmockngbrd, a bit fat "Me Too"
:

I spend most of my day micro-managing the behavior bewteen my 3.5 DS and my 19 month old DD.

I have a hard time getting anything like chores done. As soon as I leave the room they are in, someone screams. If I seperate them, as soon as I begin a task someone goes and bothers the other one, then someone begins screaming.

Even playing outside in the huge backyard is asking for a screaming match.

Forget about going to the basement for laundry, hell breaks loose.


We just moved across the state. I have a gutted house, no kitchen, electric on only half the house. When this house is done it will be perfect, but it's sure not now. I have no support out here.

I am also like you famousmockngbrd, loosing my mind. It's gonna get better, it has to
:
 

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Do you have a way of making some frineds for your son? See, if you could have another kid his age come over, they together may be interested in taking the toys to his room, your room, etc where your daughter could not godzilla, and your son would not be playing by himself, feeling isolated, etc...? Another child his age or older that could play the games and handle the toys "right"


...then maybe line up some neat big kid type toys for daughter to play with in the livngroom, etc meanwhile?

Obviously this can't happen every day, but it may be a constructive outlet for the kids, and a bit of a breather for you?
 

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Are you talking about MY house?
DS is 3.5 and also likes to line things up just so, and gets mad when 11 month old DD "messes" them up! Redirection sometimes works, going outside sometimes, or just picking her up and holding her/playing with her/putting her in the Ergo if I have to do other chores.
 

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Ugh, me too. My 3.5 yr. old loves legos and blocks, and my 7 mo. old loves being in on the action so much he started crawling at 5 mos. and cruising by 6. The floor, the train table, the other room, etc. are not safe unless the door is closed which Julian will not do. So the baby knocks over and eats everything. I hear "Luka, go over there!" "Get out of here" "Leave my toys alone" "I don't want to play with you" constantly. "Mommy, move Luka!" and even picking the babe up and carrying him to me with a "Here."
 

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Me, too!! I'm also an only child and I find I react to things way more than my friends who have siblings. I bawled when ds told me he wanted to give his baby brother away.
I was threat bomb mom today 'cause he was taking everything away from baby bro. For example, baby bro is standing up at the tv taking up a baby's head space on our huge tv screen. DS#1 kept telling (more like yelling) "I don't want him here!" and trying to push him move him or whatever. I told him he was curious and exploring and not really taking up much space. He kept going on and on and finally I said "Let him be or the tv goes off." He stopped. In fact, I was going to post something about it myself. Sounds like I'm not the only one so I am eagerly awaitng good advice.
 

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My oldest dd is 4.5 and youngest dd is 13 months.Same thing started here once baby was mobile.My rule?? Anything on the floor in the common areas...ie:kitchen,livingroom,toy room is fair game.I will not allow her to push,grab things from or yell at the baby.She was not treated this way when she was one and I will not allow the baby to be treated in this manner.It is only fair for her to have run of the house same as her sister.I will not pen her up so her big sister can play.At the age of one she should have the same freedom her sister had!!

My oldests thing is puzzles mostly, so I provided her with her own desk in the playroom and she can do her stuff w/o baby interference there.She also has acess to the kitchen table or her bedroom where she can shut the door or just get up on the bed!!

She has learned that I will not tolerate small parts(legos) on the floor or fighting or that the offending toys will be put up..............

She is a little older than some of yours I know.

I don't know if i'm of any help or not.......
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by bunnybartlett
My oldest dd is 4.5 and youngest dd is 13 months.Same thing started here once baby was mobile.My rule?? Anything on the floor in the common areas...ie:kitchen,livingroom,toy room is fair game.I will not allow her to push,grab things from or yell at the baby.She was not treated this way when she was one and I will not allow the baby to be treated in this manner.It is only fair for her to have run of the house same as her sister.I will not pen her up so her big sister can play.At the age of one she should have the same freedom her sister had!!

My oldests thing is puzzles mostly, so I provided her with her own desk in the playroom and she can do her stuff w/o baby interference there.She also has acess to the kitchen table or her bedroom where she can shut the door or just get up on the bed!!

She has learned that I will not tolerate small parts(legos) on the floor or fighting or that the offending toys will be put up..............

She is a little older than some of yours I know.

I don't know if i'm of any help or not.......
I have been doing some of these things. DS took a toy from baby bro that baby bro chose to play with INSTEAD of destroying his legos. So I took that away. I also am trying to confine the blocks to one room because I found myslef defending block towers in every room. On the one hand I don't think baby bro should destroy everything but big bro nneds to stop taking everything away and thinking that the world revolves around him. I agree that baby bro needs to have the same opportunities to explore and learn as he did. It's just getting him to understand that.
I'm also having issues with him yelling "no!' at his 6 month old brother. I don't even remember how old he was when he first heard that word out of my mouth.
 

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Oh that is so true. Although she never heard the word from us, dd learned "no" pretty early on from ds.
We tried to look at it positively and thought, "How great she's commuicating already."
 
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