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Hi all,<br>
I'm new here, so I'll try to briefly introduce my family. My partenr and I have been together for 10 years and three years ago I gave birth to a beautiful boy. We did not use a known donor and our son seems to love having two moms. We're attachment parents and DS is still nursing, co-sleeping, and in general VERY attached.<br><br>
So, recently he been asking lots of questions about his penis. How he got one, who else has one, etc. He also asks a lot about vaginas. But the other day he started telling me he wants to get rid of his penis and he wants to be a girl. He has a wide variety of dress up "girly" clothes and toys that some people would consider girly too. So it's not about that, it's very specifically about his body.<br><br>
We are friends with a pretty wide variety of people, but all of our really close friends who spend lots of time with our son are women. I think that he might just need a close man or boy in his life so he can see he's not alone in the penis department, but I wanted to see if folks here have any other ideas.<br><br>
Thanks so much!
 

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Your son is three, right? because I think one of the big things for three year olds is figuring out about gender and a fascination with body parts, especially boy and girl parts. My daughter said to me a while back, "When I get bigger, I'll have a penis too," and was very disappointed when we explained to her that that's not how it works. (Disclaimer: I know that some folks change their gender, but I was trying to keep it simple for her!)<br><br>
So I guess from your son's comment, I wouldn't say he "doesn't like his penis" but that he's saying the normal sorts of things that most three year olds say. Now if it persists, and if he shows other signs of identifying as a girl, that's another story.<br><br>
There was a good thread on here a few months back about the whole "male role-model" question. Might be worth searching for.
 

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This is interesting. My son has always been IN LOVE with his penis. In fact he was shocked to see his baby sister the first time I changed her diaper "Where's her penis!". We do have friends (straight couple) whose son has wanted to be a girl and not have a penis since day one - his stress reliever is to dress up in his mom's clothes and jewelry. Who knows what it means but he is surrounded by penises with his dad and brothers<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> So I think it's an individual kids thing relating to him trying to figure out gender differences. All the other penises my son has seen have been his peers or his cousin (he and his friend loved to run around naked) - I don't believe he has seen an adult penis (unless he spotted one in the men's bathroom when in there with his uncles.) He's never mentioned it.<br><br>
Does he play a lot with other boys his age or are most of his friends girls? It doesn't really sound like a gay/straight home thing but more his individual exploration of his gender. I would just keep the communication open and if there is a great male role model he can spend more time with great - how can it hurt. But i don't think they need to discuss penises<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I'm new here too and can somewhat relate to your plight. I was a single mom for a long time after my DS's father passed away. My DS was 7 mo at the time and is now almost 5. He really didn't have much exposure to other boys or men for the first few years of his life. I'd recommend taking a gander at, "Raising Boys Without Men" by Peggy Drexler, Ph.D. It was a source of inspiration for me when I encountered self-doubt where raising my DS was concerned.<br><br>
Katie
 

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I'd say let him play with anything. Just give him time to explore. He should phase out of it. Z did.
 

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<span><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">I worked with someone a few years ago who had a little boy who was 4 or 5 and she was really upset because he was pulling on his penis and saying that he wanted to pull it off because he hated it. This had been going on for over a year. They also had a dog and he said he didn't like that the dog had a penis. I have not talked with her for quite a while so I'm not sure how this has developed but she was very upset over it all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you.</span></span>
 

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Maybe an anatomically correct boy doll would help? You could also talk about people you know who he likes who have penises. Good luck!
 

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Have you been able to ask him why he wants to be a girl, or what he thinks would be different if he were a girl?<br><br>
He may wish to be like you/his other role models. He may be trying to understand the girl/boy dichotomy. He may be transgender or transsexual.<br><br>
With a child that young it's pretty hard to know where it's all coming from. I think the best we can do is support little kids in who they feel they are/ what they feel they want. Male role models are a nice idea. So is letting him know that the penis/vagina does not always 100% correspond with boy/girl.<br><br>
I don't know what your level of discussion with him around body stuff is, or what your community is like, but whether this is a passing phase or a lifetime feeling for your child it can't hurt for him to know that sometimes the parents/midwife/doctor get it wrong and think a baby is a boy when she's really a girl - and that that initial label doesn't necessarily have to stick for a lifetime.
 

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Trans

I think your son may be transgender... It sounds like he does wanna be a girl. If he though you should incourage it because it is not something he can grow out of.
 
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