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...this after probably 3 or 4 "mini" meltdowns, starting at the lovely hour of 7:15am. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/sleeping.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="sleeping"><br><br>
Ugh. How can one small child scream and pitch a fit for 30 minutes straight??? How??!!?? I was looking at him during one of the first meltdowns this morning, thinking to myself, "wow...he looks stereotypically autistic right in this moment..." He was flapping, running in place, eyes rolled back in his head, shaking his head back and forth, and squawking as he did it. It was weird to watch. This was his response when I told him he couldn't lay on/smother/squish/torment the cat.<br><br>
The voice that says he isn't going to be high functioning is getting louder and louder and louder. A little voice is nagging in the back of my mind, telling me that this is it...this is as much as he will progress, that he will be in need of constant supervision and care the rest of his life. I don't even know what to do with these feelings.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
Facing the prospect of constant care is very hard and scary.
 

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Have you heard of The Son-Rise Programs: <a href="http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org/contents/other_sections/index.php" target="_blank">http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org...ions/index.php</a><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><span style="color:#564318;"><b>We do not put limits on the possibilities for your child.</b></span> We can help you to bring your child as far across the bridge from Autism to recovery as possible. For some, this means complete recovery. For others, this means improvements in their child's development, human connection, communication, skill acquisition and <i>quality of life far beyond what most would have ever predicted.</i></td>
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<i><br>
History of Son-Rise: <a href="http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org/contents/about_son-rise/history_of_the_son-rise_program.php" target="_blank">http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org...se_program.php</a><br><br>
Barry Kaufman and his wife wrote a book about helping their son with Autism. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=motheringhud-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FSon-Rise-Barry-Neil-Kaufman%2Fdp%2F0446306452" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Son-Rise-Barry.../dp/0446306452</a><br><br><br>
Best wishes,<br><br>
Pat<br></i>
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
I hate it when those thoughts creep in. No real advice, but you're definitely not the only one.
 

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So true that you are definitely not the only one - all kids on the spectrum seem to have days when you think, "Maybe he's not even really on the spectrum," and other days where you feel like, "Will he ever XYZ on his own?" That's just normal for those of us with ASD kids.<br><br>
Try not to go into the future too much. Nothing there is real yet.<br><br>
And, hugs.
 

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Big hugs <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> and big ditto to the other ladies. Embrace the now is my mantra. Thinking ahead to the future only makes me mad/sad/depressed. I'm sorry that you had one of *those* meltdowns this morning - they're never easy to watch/deal with.
 

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I am so sorry! Those feeling are so so hard. It is hard to just stay in the moment sometimes. Big big hugs.<br><br>
I do want to add that my NT child was a nightmare this morning. A full on tantrum because he couldn't have pretzels for breakfast. And I got hit twice on his way to time out. I am not sharing this to belittle your feelings. Just to let you know from a mom of a NT 3 year old, I am finding out that they too can have some pretty wicked behaviors. So the fact that you had to witness that tantrum today doesn't mean that is what the rest of your life will look like. But I do understand you feelings, I do!
 

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Oh yes. I know what you mean. It's the double whammy of having to deal with the meltdown and having to deal with your feelings about what the meltdown might "mean." It sucks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Yes, I'm familiar with the SonRise program. For personal reasons they are a program I have made a very deliberate effort to avoid. I'm sure it's a fine program for a lot of families.<br><br>
It's just one of those days. Good to hear I'm not the only mom who has 'em and who thinks like this.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Finch</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7957154"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The voice that says he isn't going to be high functioning is getting louder and louder and louder. A little voice is nagging in the back of my mind, telling me that this is it...this is as much as he will progress, that he will be in need of constant supervision and care the rest of his life. I don't even know what to do with these feelings.</div>
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THIS IS NOT IT! Your son will go through all the cognitive and physical growth patterns that every NT child does. And he will make SIGNIFICANT advances with each! It is WAY TOO EARLY to know how he will turn out!<br><br>
I think in many ways, the absolute knowledge that we can not predict HOW FAR our ASD kids will go makes it so much harder. We can't count on sending them to college, but we aren't resigned to them being support-dependent for the rest of their lives either. WHO KNOWS what will be available for our young ones by the time they reach middle school and beyond? My neurologist gave me the best advice ever for my son. He said:<br><br>
"I can't tell you what to do. I can't tell you which therapy is better than the others, or which supplement will be the silver bullet. What I can tell you is that the kids with the best outcomes are the kids with parents who TRIED. The parents who pushed their child are the parents who got the most recovery for their child. Pick the therapy you want, and if it doesn't work for your child, pick another. And in 16 years, he'll be much farther than if you had done nothing."<br><br>
Chalk today up to "autism". Tomorrows antics may be classically "he's acting 3" (or 4, I can't remember your ds's age, sorry!)<br><br>
As for what you do with those feelings.... personally, I wallow in them for a bit, then I look at how far I've come and analyze what might have caused the problem, and grit my teeth to forge ahead. Autism won today, but it won't win the war... not without me fighting with every dollar, prayer, and tool at my disposal.
 

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Must be something in the AIR today..Eli's class were all nutso and he came home, stripped and pooped on the floor and proceeded to spread it..sigh.<br><br>
It's just one of those days. I am so done today, though.
 

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Meg I cleaned up some smeary poop today too. I mean, every day I clean up poop, but smeary poop, bleh! Smeary Bede-had-refried-beans-for-dinner-poop. I will stop now for those of you who may be eating...<br><br>
At least he's been trying to clean it up himself some of the time. Small steps, right? Now if I could only get him to, you know, go in the toilet!<br><br>
(Finch hope your day is calmer now too!)<br><br>
Poopily yours-
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: <i>"poopily yours"</i> <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<br><br>
SVC, I'd heard that before too, that kids with ASD who did the best were kids with parents who *tried something...ANYTHING.* So I persist with everything I think makes a difference.<br><br>
Feeb, I'm eating saltines...now I suddenly have a burrito craving, though....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Finch<br>
IKWYM. My guy has a wide variation between sometimes looking "fine" to everybody and sometimes being in a totally non-functional state (echololic screaming, potty accidents, self-injury. You description is super fmailair here).<br><br>
In the good times, he could be a 100% sucessful student, employee, and husband. In the bad times, he needs round the clock care to keep himself from serious harm/death. And of course, it fluctuates. My job, while he's still young, is to figure out how to help him out of that neurological loop somehow so he's phsycially safe and mentally thriving.<br><br>
Finch, do you know any ASD bigger kids? Nobody can tell you your sons future, but man, knowing some ASD kids and teens has fabulous for us. And then DS was diagnosed and I had no fear because I knew how happy and sucessful and smart they are, and ASD has been both a challenge and a blessing for them, you know?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cchrissyy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7962692"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">In the good times, he could be a 100% sucessful student, employee, and husband. In the bad times, he needs round the clock care to keep himself from serious harm/death.</div>
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YES!!! That's exactly it!!! Some days I can see him going to college, going to high school, just being sorta the geeky type but cute <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> , so he does all right socially (like my dh). I see him finding a very understanding partner later in life who loves him for all his quirks and tics, and is the perfect compliment to him.<br><br>
Then there are the days when I think, "no way in hell is he ever getting out of HS with a diploma."<br><br>
I DON'T *know* any older ASD kids. I know *of* them, as in the ones I know of are in group homes or go to the big ABA Autism school in town and are on the moderate to severe end of the spectrum. Hala is as close as I come to "knowing" somebody older with autism. I probably would benefit from meeting some of them.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Finch</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7962506"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Feeb, I'm eating saltines...now I suddenly have a burrito craving, though....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"></div>
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Wait a minute... I know you've been TTC...is there something you're not telling us? I mean, does anyone just eat saltines anymore if they're not pregnant? You don't have to answer. Just letting you know you've made me wonder.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kchoffmann</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7963013"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Wait a minute... I know you've been TTC...is there something you're not telling us? I mean, does anyone just eat saltines anymore if they're not pregnant? You don't have to answer. Just letting you know you've made me wonder.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
Well, here's a thread-jack, but I want to know too. Are there more little Finches coming?<br><br>
(Oh, and I wanted to offer support and love, too.)
 

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This may or may not be of any comfort to you, but that does sound a lot like me at that age. I don't think, for <i>any</i> child, let alone an asynchronously-developing one, you can accurately make adulthood predictions on a preschool-aged child. Your ds is 3 now, right? So much can happen, <i>will</i> happen, in the next 15 years. 3 yr olds throw fits--autistic, non-autistic, whatever; it's a 3 thing. This is just my opinion, but I think these doctors are grossly irresponsible to threaten parents with their children being perpetually 3. No one is perpetually 3 (thank God).<br><br><br>
(this is meant to be supportive, in case it doesn't come across that way...)
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Brigianna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7963990"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This may or may not be of any comfort to you, but that does sound a lot like me at that age. I don't think, for <i>any</i> child, let alone an asynchrotously-developing one (I know that's misspelled), you can accurately make adulthood predictions on a preschool-aged child. Your ds is 3 now, right? So much can happen, <i>will</i> happen, in the next 15 years. 3 yr olds throw fits--autistic, non-autistic, whatever; it's a 3 thing. This is just my opinion, but I think these doctors are grossly irresponsible to threaten parents with their children being perpetually 3. No one is perpetually 3 (thank God).<br><br><br>
(this is meant to be supportive, in case it doesn't come accross that way...)</div>
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That's funny... I was going to post something similar, but thought it might come off as unsupportive. Yes, do remember that he's 3. The behaviors of his tantrum might be autistic ones (spinning, flapping) but the tantrumming is partly the fact of his age.
 
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