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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Not looking for advice really, but I feel so defeated.<br><br>
I had my appointment today to finalize the contract with my midwife and to get a prenatal check up. She can't take me anymore. She lost her backup midwife and has 6 women due within 4 weeks of my due date. I have been in contact with her since April and we moved here end of may.<br><br>
I don't know what to do, it is stressing me so much I cried for what seemed like hours. She gave me the phone numbers of 2 other midwives she recommends and that I can call. I can't even call them because I'll just burst into tears again.<br><br>
I feel like nothing is going right, I don't want to be 31 weeks, no provider and not knowing what's going on. I feel like it's all too much for me, the cross country move, finding a place, a provider, I don't know anyone here and my family is far away,too.<br><br>
What if I don't like the other 2 midwives? How can I build a relationship with someone in such a short time?<br><br>
Also my husband has to take me everywhere and take a day off,too, because we have just one car and there's no public transportation. I rather would have had those days for the time after the baby is there.<br><br>
I kind of understand the desire for a planned c-section, at least you know what's going to happen. I've so had it<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">. Someone shoot me.
 

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Aw, man, that's terrible, I'm sorry. That's not something a pregnant woman needs to worry about at 31 weeks!<br><br>
I'm wondering why your midwife couldn't arrange another back up for you? If there are these other midwives available, it would seem like they could help her out that way. Due to a scheduling snafu my midwife will be on vacation for like weeks 38 and 39 for me. She let me know months ago and gave me the option of going to someone else, but alternately she set me up with a back up for those two weeks.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>phoebemommy</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Aw, man, that's terrible, I'm sorry. That's not something a pregnant woman needs to worry about at 31 weeks!<br><br>
I'm wondering why your midwife couldn't arrange another back up for you? If there are these other midwives available, it would seem like they could help her out that way. Due to a scheduling snafu my midwife will be on vacation for like weeks 38 and 39 for me. She let me know months ago and gave me the option of going to someone else, but alternately she set me up with a back up for those two weeks.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"></div>
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She did say if the other midwives can't take me she will take me, but prefers not to.<br><br>
I don't know what's possible and what not, I don't want to ask either.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br>
It's unfair that you got dumped so late in the game due to logistics that aren't your problem. I hope you work something out!
 

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considering your recent conversations with her about your desire to have as few birth attendants with you at your home and your possible request to not even have her assistant or back up around, i am wondering if she made the choice to "release" you as a client at this late date because she is finding she is not comfortable with it... if so, than you might consider looking at this as a blessing in disguise since it allows you to choose a new midwife that you may find is more in line with your wishes in the first place.<br><br>
that said, it is definitely a lot of stress to add to your plate of a recent move to a new place with no/little family or friends... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
wishing you a quick and easy journey to find a new midwife and much peace and wisdom...<br><br>
~claudia
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TurboClaudia</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">considering your recent conversations with her about your desire to have as few birth attendants with you at your home and your possible request to not even have her assistant or back up around, i am wondering if she made the choice to "release" you as a client at this late date because she is finding she is not comfortable with it...<br><br>
~claudia</div>
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But I did ask just a week ago if there still is something that would make her hesitate taking me. She could have said it right then via e-mail if that was the real reason. She suggested everyone could be in another room and that sounded fine with me.
 

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Aw mama. I am so sorry. BUt I can try to lift your spirits. I switched from a CPM to a DEM at 32 weeks pregnant. The day before I was going to first meet with the DEM, I came down with the flu. I was msierable. It was almost 4 weeks before I could meet with my new midwife. WE spoke on the phone a bit, but not lots.<br><br>
I ahd 2 prenatals with her before she did her home visit. Then, I had a baby. She was wonderful, respectful, caring, and did an amazing job with my very dificult shoulder dystocia lots of bleeding birth.<br><br>
I hope that one of the other MWs works out for you.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>huggerwocky</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But I did ask just a week ago if there still is something that would make her hesitate taking me. She could have said it right then via e-mail if that was the real reason. She suggested everyone could be in another room and that sounded fine with me.</div>
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i'm sorry, mama... but maybe she is a bit more west coast passive-aggressive than you realized before?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
~c
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I got dumped by my first midwife at 28 weeks. I know how you feel.<br><br>
This is all for a reason. The perfect birthing situation is out there for you and your baby and you're going to find it! Take a couple of days first- let yourself be upset, let-down, mad, whatever. Then go discover the perfect midwife.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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I had resigned myself to either a UC or yet another horrible hospital birth because CNM's in my state don't do homebirth. I am 37 weeks and found a DEM roughly three weeks ago. True I don't know this woman from Adam, but she came to MY house, is coming again tommorrow, and I really feel this was meant to be. You just never know what will happen or why. Also, I would not have found her if it was not for someone here on MDC who gave me the phone number of a midwife close to my area. She wasn't able to take me, but gave me the number of someone right here in my tiny little podunk town who could. Keep looking, and don't worry!!!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I had to find a new mw when I was about 1-2 wks away from my due date. Let me just say that it's a loong story. I felt the same way you do right now. My dh had to talk to everyone because I would just burst into tears if I tried. I felt like there was nothing I could do for awhile. I was also away from my family, living in CA, and thought there would be no way another mw would take me in such a short time. But with the help of the student mw that worked w/ the mw I had been seeing, she gave me the # to a mw she used to work with and she said she still wanted to help w/ my birth. We were able to meet w/ the new mw and she was a perfect fit for us. My birth was awesome and I couldn't have asked for anything better. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I'm actually happy that everything happened the way it did. It was a total learning experience for us. I truely believe that everything happens for a reason. Certain things are just mean't to be. I know it may be hard to think that in your situation right now but believe me...things will get better and work out the way they are mean't to! Hang in there mama!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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We were were temp staying at ILs near my midwife as our home 2 hours awa had not sold yet and this we could not buy yet. I got into a spat with my FIL and was freaked about being 2 hours away from my MW. I remember having several days of non stop crying and panick...but it all worked out. Just let yourself know that it will all workout. One of the other midwive will be a fit for you. You just need to be clear and very specific about your wants and needs this late in the game as you don't have as much time to get to know each other.<br><br>
Everything will be ok!!!!!
 

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Oh darling mama! Fear not! You are a woman and your body was made to birth, it does not really matter all that much who helps you, where you are etc. Everything you need to give birth and do it well and maybe even have good memories come from it are all within you! You can make this birth the event you want it to be. God never gives us more then we can handle because through him we can do anything, so ask Him for help if you are feeeling helpless.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks everyone.<br><br>
I e-mailed one of the midwives yesterday and hope she'll respond today. My husband also offered to call them but I'd be too embarrassed if she'd ask to talk to me and he'd have to decline because I'm too upset <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"><br><br>
I'm already having a bad feeling because on her website she has a birthstory where the woman writes that she was pushing in the tub and the midwife suggestes to her going to the bed to speed things up. Sounds like everything I don't want. I hope it doesn't mean anything.
 

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re: that birth story -- sometimes a change in position AND location can help things and just because she's in a bed doeesn't mean she's laying down on it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I hopeyou can find peace and a wonderful care provider mama! Wishing you all the best!<br><br>
Namaste, Tara
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Also, in the Farmer and the Obstetrician, Odent notes that the water will often slow the pushing stage.</div>
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Thank you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaTaraX</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">re: that birth story -- sometimes a change in position AND location can help things and just because she's in a bed doeesn't mean she's laying down on it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br></div>
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True...that made me feel better thank you.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaTaraX</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">re: that birth story -- sometimes a change in position AND location can help things and just because she's in a bed doeesn't mean she's laying down on it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: I did just that with my last birth, before the 2nd twin was born. It was totally my choice although my mw brought it up a couple of times. I <i>wanted</i> to stay in the tub b/c it felt better but realized that if I wanted this baby to arrive anytime soon I was going to have to surrender myself to more intensity, so I got out, climbed in bed, and gave birth to him shortly thereafter sitting upright on my knees.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry you're left having to figure things out so late in the game, but I do believe you'll find what will end up being best.
 

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It is not about your provider it is about you and your birth support. It is about birthing and not about planning and counting on others. It is your responsibility and your journey. Your birth will play out perfectly if you just trust in the journey. And crying is all part of letting go and feeling release. Blessings mama it will all work out!
 
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