Mothering Forum banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
62 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello Mamas,

I'm sort of ashamed to be typing this, but I also feel like I need some comforting words. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and in the last couple of weeks my body image has really taken a nosedive. This is my first baby and I was pretty happy with my body before pregnancy, and even for all of the pregnancy until now. I was so happy when I finally developed a belly and was quite proud of my bump as it got bigger and bigger.

Things are different now....I think it's because I feel like I've been pregnant for so long. Logically, I know I'm supposed to be grateful for this opportunity to have a baby, and it's the most wonderful gift (to be able to carry and give birth to a child), but somehow my emotions are not matching up with this. For the past two weeks I've been feeling really down about the way I look...I developed horrible acne during the 6th month which has not gone away, I can't walk properly sometimes (due to back pain and just the waddle we pregnant ladies develop), my voice has changed so that it's deep and hoarse (to the point where relatives couldn't recognize me when they called and I was once mistaken for a guy), and I basically live in the bathroom because I have to pee so often. Basically, I don't feel like an attractive woman anymore.

I also feel bad about not having any action with dh anymore. Once the belly started showing we (but mainly me) both felt a little weird about sex, and trying different positions was also a little awkward for us. Dh was understanding and told me that he would wait for me to make the moves if I wanted to boogie because he didn't want to make me uncomfortable in any way, even if that meant waiting until after the baby's born. I really appreciated that, up until I started feeling down about my body. Now, even though we had talked about waiting for me to make the moves, I feel like dh doesn't find me attractive anymore. I think part of it is also that before I got pregnant he used to compliment me a lot and was also reaching to touch me all the time, but once the belly appeared the compliments and touching went out the window. I shared my feelings about this with him a few nights ago, and he has really started up again with the compliments and touching, and he is so great with me...but a part of me feels like he's doing all of that out of pity. I haven't told him that I feel like they're pity-compliments and pity-touches because I know that's not helpful and will put him in a no-win situation. So I try to just appreciate him and his efforts. I think I need to be shaken or slapped or something...I feel completely unreasonable and stupid. Could this just be the hormones combined with being pregnant for (almost) 9 months making me feel this way???

I am so down about myself that it's at the point where if I go out somewhere with dh, I think people feel sorry for him that he's with me. It's totally in my head, and dh has never, ever done or said anything that made me feel unattractive....I am just SO shocked that I feel this way because I have always (in the past) been quite positive about my body.

I tell myself that I'll feel better once the baby's born. Will I? Has anyone else experienced this?

Sorry this has been so long. I didn't realize it would be. Thanks for taking the time, if you got all the way through it. I have only one month to go. Is there anything I can do to change my self-image back to what it was?? Any reassurance or words of comfort/support would be much appreciated.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,548 Posts
hi Asianmama,

I hear you ... my self body image took a dive about 16 weeks into my pregnancy (I was in maternity clothes by 12 weeks).

I cried a lot and told my husband that I felt that my body looked swollen, disgusting and terrible. He of course said words that were otherwise but I feel that he was just saying the right things to make me feel better. I've told him to his face that "he's just saying that" and he tells me not to be silly.

Also since my pregnancy was confirmed I've always had to make the first moves if I want to do the wild thing. My husband says it is because he doesn't want to pressure me especially when I am tired (I suffered from extreme fatigure in the first trimester). I have since told him several times that it would be nice to feel wanted sexually and he could make some of the first moves ... but so far it hasn't happened.

I now also have a number of dark red stretchmarks along my left hip and stomach ... which at first made me feel insecure about how my husband would view my body after the baby is born.

When we watch TV and scantily clad skinny sexy women appear on TV ... I switch the channels and tell him that he's not looking at skinny women.

However in my rational times I realise that pregnancy is but a short time my life and that I have to trust in the love that my husband has for me.

Usually things build up to a certain level and then I have a big bawling session infront of a confused but patient husband who waits for my sobs to subside to tell him why I am crying ... then I feel better for a while.

All I can say Asianmama is try to think positively and know that we don't have long to go now before we have our precious baby in our arms.

We'll probably look back on our respective pregnancies and laugh when we think back of the down times and think "What was I thinking?".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
219 Posts
sorry you're feeling so bad - I can totally relate having these feelings with dd #1. I was panicking about my body changes at the end ( she was over 9lbs and I am a small frame person), felt so unattractive, etc.

I am now 33 wks. along with #2, and I've still struggled a bit, but overall, its better this time. I realize shortly here soon, I will get my body back again - athough it takes me a long time to drop the weight and look/feel better. but the blessing of a baby is so worth it.

I think the sex part can be challenging; I missed having sex more often with dh, who struggles a bit with being sexual with a pregnant woman - feels he should be protective and caring. by the time we talk it out and get to the heart of it, I am in the last few weeks, and feel totally uninterested. But I don't worry so much about it this time; I know we will get back, or rather, to a different level!

anyway, when I'm feeling down about it, I go out and find something nice to wear (even if there's one week to go), get new make-up or music or a good book, or read something informative and wonderful about pregnancy or motherhood. Pamper yourself; you are beautiful, and there is a beautiful life growing inside of you.

good luck - and yes, hormones play a huge part in how we feel in all this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,277 Posts
I'm feeling a bit this way too. But my feelings have more to do with feeling so limited physically and so, well, LET DOWN by my body not being able to do what it normally does. My dh and I have no problem in the "wild thing" department, and he's so wonderful about appreciating my changing body, but I find that my insecurities lend themselves to strange projections on him. I don't know what to tell you, because I know these feelings won't end with the birth. My body will be entirely useless to me then, and it will be mushy too! Well, all the more motivation to get out walking ASAP after the baby is born. I do feel I owe it to dh to give him back the wife he married. I'd expect the same from him (and please don't flame me for that!). Hang in there mama, you are making a baby, not a career as a stripper or body double!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
62 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks mamas, it helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Your suggestions have been great. Pampering myself is a good idea - since reading that suggestion I've been taking time to read novels more (one of my favourite activities). I've also found that it helps to avoid watching television, because there's always a scantily-clad skinny woman prancing around somewhere. Great reminder that I'm not here to make a career as a stripper or body double, my body is working hard to make a baby. I'm making more of an effort to look at my bare belly and talk to the baby, so that I'm reminded that dh and I have made an actual person and s/he's living in me.

Thanks for all of the empathy mamas. You're the best!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,482 Posts
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way mama!

I work to keep in mind that pregnancy is a BEAUTIFUL thing, from the inside out.

In my first PG I was thrilled with the bumb. DH reminds me that I felt yucky a bit during the last 3 -4 weeks and I only made it to 36 weeks.

Not really having lost much weight from my first PG has made me much more self concious this go around. Thankfully as of 30 -31 weeks I had only gaind 10 lbs.

At 31 weeks I had to up my steriods considerably and am nursing. Evidently the combo has induced mega swelling in my lower legs, feet and ankles. Even though I had to take these meds, at somewhat lower levels, in my forst PG I had no swelling. So, I don't feel comfortable wearing skirts or shorts and man oh man is it hot here in the SOUTH! It has really made me feel super yucky!

I am right at 34 weeks now and DREAD the dr appt on Thursday. I just know I have doubled my 10 lbs with all of this fluid I am retaining!

DH eveidently loves my body preggers or not. He is always "in the mood". Always playing around, dropping hints and making requests
. Unfortunately, I have not been so that has been a little hard for him (no pun intenede :LOL ).

Just hang in there and know that your husband loves you and probably sees the beauty of your pregnancy even though you may not!
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top