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My ds is almost 3 and in the last few months has taken to doing all those things to myself, DH and 1yo dd - but has increased in the last 3 or so weeks. He does it in a playful way, but not in a just-in-the-moment-and-getting-carried-away - it's like a testing, teasing kind of way and laughs when he does it. He does go to daycare for 2 mornings a week, so it could be something he's picked up from there.<br><br>
We GD/UP and I have tried: asking him not to do it, firmly told him not to do it, ignore it and move away (yet remain in the room, but try not to do love withdrawal), turn it into a tickling game, ask him if he wants my attention to tell me and that I'd love a cuddle, just pick him up for a cuddle and tell him I love him, ask him to try the tactic on himself first and see how it feels (not said in a nasty way, just for him to analyse his action a bit) - I know I'm jumping all around here, but not too sure what strategy to stick with or whether I need to try something else.<br><br>
He isn't really hurting me, but is upsetting his sister when he does it to her, and I'm really aware of not setting up sibling rivalry which I suspect it's an attention thing - hence my strategies are very focused on maintaining a loving response.<br><br>
Any ideas please?
 

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My 3 y.o. DD thinks its hilarious to do hurtful things. I swear she has not a single shread of empathy in her body yet.<br>
I've tried all the things that you've tried...and we have been really frustrated with it.<br>
What I've been trying lately and it actually seems to help a little, is that I stop everything and insist that she tell me what she just did. (even if I know what she just did). When I first started doing this she would avoid me at all possible costs....run and hide, change the subject...etc etc. Then she went through a period that I would say "emily, what did you just do to momma?" and she would just cry and cry. But I would say that she had to tell me what she did. Sometimes it takes me a good 5-6 minutes to get her to say what she did and then we move on. Lately, she's gotten a little better. Like if I suddenly hear DS crying, I go in and say "emily what happened' "nothing" "really? nothing" "no" "what did you do" "i hit ben" it goes quicker, she's able to verbalize what she did. Since I've been doing this, the behaviors have decreased. Not gone away, but decreased.<br>
Hope this helps.<br>
Good luck!<br>
Amy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Your ds sounds just like my ds but I have no answers for you, just bumping your thread because it is on the last line of page 1 and you have my fullest sympathies. My ds doesn't go to daycare or have a younger sibling but he is still like that. He started doing things to force people to engage with him at 18 months by pulling daddy's books off the shelf. At 20 months, he would get other kids to keep playing by going over to their toy and pretending to take it so they would reclaim the toy (they were pushing strollers and carts around the house) and keep playing. He started biting/hitting/pinching after age 3. He is very verbal so it has never been a problem that he was frustrated from trying to communicate. He just wants someone to be focused on him and playing with him ALL the time that he is awake. So with him, much of the problem is boredom. It would be ideal if we lived with half a dozen adults that were constantly working on different projects that ds could follow around, observe, and help. I thought school would help but it didn't and I withdrew him. The school wasn't an engaging environment, he was uncomfortable with how structured it was, and the teacher was very controlling.<br><br>
When ds starts acting "crazy", I usually just hold him so he can't hurt me. There is nothing I can say that will make him stop. He gets wound up and will just keep coming at me. Of course, I give him as much positive attention as possible. Even the most gentle punishments make his behavior worse. He does best in an environment that is not controlling. But sometimes, I just have to shut him out of the bathroom so I can towel off and get dressed.<br><br>
It does sound like you are doing a great job. Part of our problem here is that not only is ds excitable, but dh is so he tends to over react. Acting calm and bored is one way to deal with my ds since he is looking for a reaction. Getting silly with ds helps alot also (like your turning things into a tickle game) and I am a big fan of UP. It sounds like you are giving the problem of potential sibling rivalry the attention that it needs. Good luck.(smilies from ds)<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> 111111111<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/BFPChart2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Chart">:
 
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