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My 4.5 yr old DS is challenging me. I'm crying uncle and writing here - help! He refuses to go pee until it's a national emergency...and as such, many times he'll have a minor accident on his pants/underwear while trying to get them down super fast, and/or he'll pee all over creation because the stream is coming out like a fire hose and he didn't have the time to aim it right. And then of course, sometimes he'll have a full blown nowhere-near-the-bathroom pee accident.

He'll be doing the potty dance or sitting down really fast, grabbing himself, etc. and I'll suggest he go pee...he almost always refuses. Says he doesn't have to go. I'll assure him that it's quite clear to me that his body is telling HIM that he needs to pee, so why not just do it? No reason, he just doesn't need to go. And then however long later (15 seconds sometimes), he's running like crazy, yelling that he has to pee. And God help us if anything is in the way - the bathroom door is closed, the dog is in the way, whatever. If something slows his progress, all is lost.

So, what? WHAT? What can I do? I've given him college level lectures on why he should go sooner. I've given him kiddie talks in short sentences with small words. I've used enthusiastic game-like voices to encourage him to go. Nada. He's on his own dang schedule and that leaves me with lots of messes, smelly clothes to wash, and frustration.

Go ahead. What?

And thanks for the magic answer
!

Nicole
 

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It may not be an MDC-approved answer, but I don't ask or convince at that point, I just tell them "before you may do [whatever they're doing], you must go use the potty."
I don't debate whether they need to go, and if they say they don't need to pee, I tell them they have to try.
 

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Sounds like he has a power play going on you! I would let him have the power - don't mention that he needs to go, let him take care of it. If he has an accident it is a natural and unpleasant consequence. He is making it into a challenge. Kind of like someone saying you can't do XYZ and you want to say, oh yeah! watch me!

Another strategy would be not to say anything and if he wets himself he has to take off his clothing and wash up. My ds was having similar accidents, not to the same level, and after a few I pointed out that it takes alot more time to get back to whatever fun activity he was doing if we have to change clothes and get cleaned up. If you take the 10 seconds to sit on the potty you have alot more time to play.
 

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I'm sorry, I don't have the magic answer. I do know I've gone through this with both my children and am still going through it (sometimes) with my DD who's now 8 years old. She is getting better and DS no longer has accidents unless we wait too long to find him a bathroom (like when we are stuck in traffic). I'd say your DS will learn his body's signals eventually and in the meantime I would just take extra undies for when he has accidents. I don't think I'd lecture, I might just ask if he needs the potty and if he says no then I'd let it go. A few times when I didn't have extra pants/undies for the kids and we were out. . .I'd warn them that if they had an accident we'd have to go home to change.
 
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