[KindRedSpirit]

Maybe I should put this in discipline, but not sure...Ds (1 mo. shy of 4) is having a really hard time with younger sister making her own decisions.For example,this morning she wanted yogurt for breakfast, and he simply did not want her to,and almost had a tantrum!How can I confront,console,explain nicely to him that he can only decide for him(especially when I make some family decisions...)and he can talk to her and try to persuade her own decision,but still it is hers to make....This is what I told him this morning,and after crying and thrashing a bit, he did persuade her to have something else.Which brings me to -should I be teaching him to persuade?YIKES!!!! help me sort out this can of worms!

 

[mama-t]

You'll know this already, of course...4 is an age for power and control, your ds is probably acting it out on those near and dear to him.

I have a 4y/o ds at home, no others, but when I am looking after other little ones and there is the classic power debate, I try to turn it on them: ie, this morning:
Dropping off my ds and his friend at our childcare co-op, they see another child and start to make really un-kind comments about how icky so and so is here (well I couldn't believe that *my* precious one was saying these things about another child!! OMG! yikes!)
First I said that those are very un-kind words, and looking at his friend (who I must say is quite influenced by an older sibling), said that we never speak that way about other people and how would you feel if someone had said that about you?
I said it would hurt *my* feelings to know that someone would say those things about either of them, and please do not say such things about another person.
Well, ds in his rather consistent style of wanting to be the polar opposite of me (at 4!), said that it wouldn't hurt *his* feelings if someome were to say that about him.

I just looked at him with that mommy stare I have unconsciously started doing, and said, it is not ok to talk rudely about other peplke. Please do not do it again.
'Oh, all right' -heavy sigh from ds-

This may not be too helpful, huh?

Keep on reminding ds that he can make his own choices, as can dd. Was he having yogurt for breakfast, too? Maybe he wanted her to be 'just like him'?

These little ones and all thier thinking, oh my. Good luck. ;-)

 

[ja mama]

Iget tired of hearing myself explain this exact thing, except it's finally sinking in. Ds1 is starting to say it to me. Andrew gets to choose what Andrew does, you choose what you do. You may ask him if he's interested in ..., but he gets to decide.
Our battle is mostly over the way ds2 plays with toys contrary to how ds1 thinks the toy should be played with. But now Josef will ask me "it's Andrew's body? He is choosing to sit, he's not interested in playing chase with me"
I try to say it when Andrew wants Josef to do something to, so often "it's Josef's choice" gets said aloud.

 

[KindRedSpirit]

mamma-t -He didn't want her to have the yogurt,not sure if he did want some or not,most likely not.It is usually something she wants and he doen't want her to have.Another time it was over him wanting a red sucker,and he wanted her to have a red one too,and she chose a sugar daddy-square carmel stick-total opposite...He had a very hard time with that one....Other than this ,they get along incredibly well.Thank goodness!