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4 year old is bringing out the mom I do not want to be.

517 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  healthymom76
Well I am new to all of this so bear with me. My 4 yr old is driving me bonkers. I split from his dad last year and since we have undergone so many changes. I used to be a stay at home mom and nursed him until a little past 3 yr. I became a federal firefighter in Sept 04 and we hired a nanny. I never planned to make this my career just pay off some bills to stay home again. Well it didn't work out that way. Hubby had always been emotional abusive and now that I had my own income I saw a way out for myself and my son. We left the house and the nanny behind(actually he left because my husband was rude to him)to start a new life.
I am rambling...anyway. my son has been having fits of rage and defiance that present themselves only in social situations. He has been kicked out of a few daycares and one of them had to call the police. He becomes physically violent and will hurt anyone in his reach. We have been going to counseling and seeing a psychiatrist. Well that has been a challenge unto itself. I find myself yelling all of the time. With his last episode I had to leave my 60k/yr job as a single mom and stay home to focus on him. I am a bit bitter because he has no idea what his behavior has cost us. I love him more than anything. He still sleeps with me and I hug and kiss him as much as I can...even when I want to just choke him. After all of the hard work I put into caring for him as an infant and toddler I feel that I have failed him. He is not the sweet boy that used to smile up at me while nursing. He has become so angry and defiant. It is believed that he may be bipolar but all the meds are so dangerous. What should I do. I do not know anyone else in this situation.HELP!!!
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Well, I honestly have no idea what to tell you, accept that a dear friend of mine had a similar problem with her son. Her son's father had commited suicide while she was pregnant with him, so he didn't know him, but he started to display signs of rage and depression at a very young age. She is a very different parent than I and wasn't concerned about the long term affects of putting him on meds. The meds he takes have thus far helped him. I can't advise you on that path, but I do wish you luck and happiness, and I will say some blessings for you. What a difficult time.
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If you believe your child is bipolar, better to have him evaluated and helped. Even if meds can be dangerous, the danger comes greatly in medicating children who don't need them. For some children/adults, meds are a life-saver. For some they do nothing. I have had several friends who have bipolar disorder and they had varying degrees of success with meds as well as other complimentary treatments. A 4 year old no matter how upset should not need the police to come to his school. Are you working with a good psychiatrist? Have you had other health issues ruled out? Have you considered OT?

Also, there is a treatment called EMDR which is for trauma victims. Many therapists used to use hypnotherapy and have now have switched to this therapy. I've seen it be effective in trauma victims....big and small traumas.

I would highly suggest getting your son evaluated by a neuropsychologist.
Once he gets evaluated, you will be able to get him some specific therapies to help him.

Hang in there. I know how hard it is dealing with a spirited child. My son isn't violent but he does have awful 'tantrums' (mostly in public) and it wears me down.

Hugs to you,
I'm sorry you're facing such a difficult situation.

For more info on bipolar disorder in children, I suggest checking out: and (that may be org, not sure). This might help in providing you some additional answers. Above all, I would get a second opinion if your son does receive a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Every pyschiatrist has a different set of criteria by which they personally make a diagnosis. BP disorder is often confused with ADHD and those illnesses are treated very differently. I would also think about finding a children's therapist who is accustomed to working with kids with this diagnosis.

BP disorder runs in my family (myself included) and I understand your fear of starting your DS on medications should he be diagnosed. My DS has about a 50% chance that he inherited BP from me, and the thought of him taking the kinds of meds I do is scary. My personal feeling about meds is that they are a necessary evil in treating an illness like BP. The damage and chaos brought about by the symptoms are far worse than taking meds. This is my opinion only, other people feel very different on this subject.

Best to you, please post again with an update or PM me.

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He is working with a counselor, a psychiatrist and his pediatrician. We have had full blood work, eeg, heavy metal screening, the works and he is very healthy. So this is wher we are going with this. Besides there is a family history of bipolar.
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