[3boobykins]

I started a similar thread to this a few months ago. 4 yo. DS does not use the potty AT ALL! We have gone through times--a day or two here and there, where he would go--pee only!--and even keep his diaper dry all night and pee first thing in the morning on the potty, but it was all very reward-based, and it just didn't seem to "stick." So now I guess we've pretty much decided to let things go and let him lead the way. I don't want to use rewards anymore, at least not food treats. He'd even say, "I want to go pee for chocolate," instead of going based on the urge to go, and squeeze out a few drops. We started limiting the amount of times he could go for a reward, but it was still all about the chocolate raisins, etc, and forget pooping at all except in diaper/underwear. Either he'll ask for the reward and want to go too frequently, or he'll forget and wet his underwear. I think I've gotten a little mean with him about the whole thing, because I'm just so tired of dealing with his diapers at this age, poop in particular. I remind him that his younger friends all use the potty, but I don't feel good about this--I say it in an encouraging way, but I think it just intimidates him.

I'm 6 months pregnant, also have a 16 mo. dd, and just don't want to deal with 3 in diapers, but I think there's a good chance I may have to, unless ds just spontaneously starts using the potty in the next 3 months. Some days I feel resigned to the whole situation and fine with just letting ds totally lead the way, other days I really think I need to DO something to get him using the potty, but I don't know what.

For those who have let potty-learning be totally child-led, how did it work out for you? When did your dc learn? Did you say anything to encourage dc, or just leave it totally up to him/her, trusting that your little one would just start when the time is right?

 

[CTMOMOF2]

SEE MY THREAD -- I'M AT THE END OF MY WITTS. It is miraculous how my non-poopin' on the potty kid suddenly did it!!

I would suggest to take the diapers off, and keep him naked. Let him sleep in underware if his diaper is dry in the morning. It takes a lot of "dragging him to the potty" many times a day. Also, it is helpful to have set times of the day for "potty time" i.e. 6am, 10am, 12:30pm, etc... and stick to it for a while... soon he'll just go when he needs to.

 

[3boobykins]

Wow, congrats on the poop success, CTMom! Maybe I do need to be more proactive, just tell him, "no more diapers." I'm just afraid we'll be cleaning up pee, and (shudder!) poop off the carpet all day. I'd better pick up some Bac-Out and waterproof sheets if we're gonna try the naked approach!

Part of me is just too lazy and tired these days to keep on him actively about using the potty, but changing his diapers is no fun either, so I should probably just go for it. I'd still love to hear opinions on/experiences with the child-led approach--i.e, just waiting until he tells me he's done with diapers. I'm just afraid that won't be for another year or more! Also what does everyone think of nixing the rewards at this point, after him being so reward-motivated when he has successfully used the potty?

 

[caycat]

My ds turns 4 on Monday and for about 2 months now we have said that 4 year olds don't wear diapers. He is not practicing with the potty at all--but he agrees he will stop when he is 4. We will see on Monday!!!!

 

[PM]

My dd was 2 months short of 4 when she started to use the toilet.

We - mostly dh - tried to encourage it before. Nada.

She decided to start, on her own. She gave up the diapers (there were still some in the house). She had a couple of accidents, fewer in the very beginning, then more here and there a month later. A couple of caca accidents. Never a big deal. We always said, "Next time." So she would say, "Next time, mama" and pat my back.

She had only one night-time accident.

Now she's 4 years, 2 months and hasn't had an accident in at least a month.

She never had to cry about it. Never got shamed. Never even seemed to feel the slightest embarassment for an accident.

 

[3boobykins]

Thanks, PM. It's good to hear that the child-lead approached can work, too. I'm thinking it might fit ds's personality better. I would definitely never shame him for missing the potty--I just won't make a big deal of it. I might try the no-diaper thing starting today and see how it goes.

 

[chellemarie]

He'll do it. You'll see. Usually when you give up is when they decide it's time to use the potty.

 

[TiredX2]

Quote:

He'll do it. You'll see. Usually when you give up is when they decide it's time to use the potty.

can be replaced with wean/buckle own seatbelt/write/sleep in own bed/...

 

[bobica]

Dr. Phil did a show a while back & posted it on his website about his "one day" potty training. DD is only 14 mos old so i can't speak from experience, but it involves role play with a doll & LOTS of liquids & a million trips to the potty all day long. it's worth checking out!

 

[librarymom]

3boobykins--I had twins that I was DREADING pottytraining, and what worked for us was--rewards.

: But, it worked. This is how we did it. I made a chart (paper with name on it) and hung it in the kitchen. Each time they went potty or poo, they got a sticker. When they had 10 stickers, we went to Target and bought a toy. Now--they were 3 1/2 , and the first day, lots of accidents (no diapers). Second day, lots of stickers. The whole process took about five days. After the first toy reward, they were gung-ho for the nxt one, and that's when we upped the number of stickers, until they basically forgot.

I suggest setting the number of stickers low enough that he can achieve it, but high enough that you are not heading to Target every evening.

Cool undies were an incentive as well.....

Good luck!!

 

[Taosmama]

I have no advice, except to say that I'm right there with you! Ds is still just 40 mos tho', but I wouldn't be surprised if he pt's after age 4. He has zero interest - we've tried cool undies, peeing outside just like Daddy, heck, he doesn't even want to do it for rewards! He's so clear that he still wants to wear diapers. It drives me crazy. All of his friends are pt'd, and he's in preschool 3 days a week and he's the only one in diapers. (altho' they don't pressure him at all there) So I've backed off, every once in awhile I'll offer the potty or to let him go naked. But I'm still frustrated!

 

[caycat]

We tried the Dr. Phil method when ds #1 was 2 1/2 and it so did not work. I bought him his favourite chocolate and banana cake, noise makers, party hats. He totally understood what was suppose to happen and just refused. I plied him with chocolate milk. He asked once to go out to the park and I said after he used the potty--he didn't ask again. Instead, we watch endless videos. He held for 5 hours until I had to leave the room for the phone and then he went on the couch!!!!

Lesson learnt--I cannot bribe my son to do anything!!!! He will do what he wants to do, when he wants to. (Good skills when there is peer pressure but tough to parent)

Now 1 1/2 years later, he is 2 days from going diaper free. I did set the date by saying that 4 year olds don't wear diapers (I tried to make it seem as though it was something outside our control--sort of like, the sun coming up in the morning). I told him this a couple of months ago and he seems into it--he has been counting down the days ever since. We will see what happens--we are betting that he will be really fast at learning--when he decides to do something, he does it.

A-C
Mothering two wonderful boys--06/21/00 and 08/15/03

 

[3boobykins]

Wow, thanks everyone, for all the great advice and encouragement. I just keep reminding myself that he WILL get it one way or another. I'll definitely take all these ideas into consideration, and see what works best for ds.

Heather, with her carpet shampooer ready for action.

 

[L.J.]

My ds was 4.5 and one day he just asked for the diaper to be off. About a 1/2 hour later, he said, "I have to go pee" and he ran to the toilet. That was the end of diapers for us. He did ask a couple times to use a diaper again & I just said we didn't have anymore and we didn't use them anymore. I made a big deal out of him going on the toilet and I think that helped too. It does happen.

 

[lizziejean]

You know I think it really depends on the kid. My dd (3.5 going on 14) is so %^&*&! contrary that she dug her heels in over the whole thing. Rewards worked briefly, then she figured she'd up the ante... she knew I really wanted it. The only thing that worked was going and staying at a friend's house for a couple of days who had a potty trained kid a few months older than her. It was pretty funny... she says, 'Anna, why do you keep going to the potty?' lol - she couldn't see why you would do it all the whole day long... she was into the groove of just peeing once in a while in the potty and then grandstanding about it, but then peeing in her pullup or on the floor for the rest of the time... so the visit was good, it kind of clicked. Nothing I said had gotten through to her, and seeing other kids at school or playdates go once didn't work either - it took a couple of days.

 

[ktmama]

Boy, my experience is totally to let the kid lead! I have a VERY stong willed dd who simply will not do ANYTHING unless it's her idea.

She happened to like boy undies which we went shopping for, but I wouldn't buy for her until she was peeing in the toilet and taking her diaper off to do it (kind of a reverse psychology thing).

Anyway, she peed in the toilet long before she pooped there or stayed dry through the night. I think each kid is different. No rewards. No parental agenda. Whatever, it was her thing. I even used to put a diaper on her at her request so she could poop.

Remember that potty training is a very intense control thing for kids and the first really independent thing that they do. It is really a HUGE deal for them. My nephew used to hide his poop in a hole in the wall because he didn't want to "say goodbye to his poopie"! Just take it easy and take your cues from him. If you get further into this power struggle, you are done for and all you've done is broken his spirit and saved yourself some money in diapers. Is it worth it?

 

[PM]

I posted here a couple of times about my dd and my questions about how to get through this process. Now I just don't get what my deal was! I mean I wasn't overly stressed, just had some questions, but still. It ended up being so easy because she led the way! Next kid will be a breeze!

 

[3boobykins]

Kate and PM, I think that's the conclusion I've come to in the past few days--I need to just let go and let him lead the way. He's been letting me know when he poops and when he's wet, often asking me or dh to change him,which it a good sign of getting ready to get ready. If he's still in diapers by the time the new baby arrives, I'll just have a few more dipes to deal with, that's all.

 

[joesmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caycat My ds turns 4 on Monday and for about 2 months now we have said that 4 year olds don't wear diapers. He is not practicing with the potty at all--but he agrees he will stop when he is 4. We will see on Monday!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by caycat Now 1 1/2 years later, he is 2 days from going diaper free. I did set the date by saying that 4 year olds don't wear diapers (I tried to make it seem as though it was something outside our control--sort of like, the sun coming up in the morning). I told him this a couple of months ago and he seems into it--he has been counting down the days ever since. We will see what happens--we are betting that he will be really fast at learning--when he decides to do something, he does it.

caycat, i am not picking on you, but i have to say, it might backfire on you to say four year olds don't wear diapers... MY four year old certainly did, & so did many others. if your son is not ready in 2 days to be diaper free, what then? if, on his birthday, he tells you he is simply not ready to lose the diapers, what will you do? or if he tries his best but his body is simply not ready to tell him when he needs to get to the potty? you say, "when he decides to do something, he does it," but YOU are the one who picked a date for him to reach a major milestone out of thin air.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3boobykins Kate and PM, I think that's the conclusion I've come to in the past few days--I need to just let go and let him lead the way. He's been letting me know when he poops and when he's wet, often asking me or dh to change him,which it a good sign of getting ready to get ready. If he's still in diapers by the time the new baby arrives, I'll just have a few more dipes to deal with, that's all.

ITA with parismaman~ while you are in the throes of dealing with a late potty trainer, it can become all-consuming. on the other side of it, even only a few months later, it's like, jeez, WHAT was i so worried about! EVERY kid trains (i hate that word!) in his or her own time.

 

[geekgolightly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ktmama Remember that potty training is a very intense control thing for kids and the first really independent thing that they do. It is really a HUGE deal for them. My nephew used to hide his poop in a hole in the wall because he didn't want to "say goodbye to his poopie"!

i guess, im in for a treat in a few years.