40 weeks, 2 days and still baking.

I went to my 40-week check-up on Wednesday (on my due date) and my CNM did an internal check (she asked if I wanted one and I said yes because I was curious to see if I was dilated and/or effaced. I've been having contractions off and on for the past two weeks or so) and I am 3-4 cm dilated, 80% effaced!! I know that is no indicator on when I will give birth, but it's exciting to know that I've already progressed so far!! With Vincent, it took me 14 hours to get to 2-3 cm, so it looks like my labor will definately be shorter this time, unless for some reason it takes my body a while to get to 10 cm.

One thing that made me mad is, towards the end of my internal my CNM said, "Okay, now I'm going to strip your membranes" and I was like, "No!!" She stopped after I said no, so I don't think she did much, but it still made me mad!! I think she knew I didn't like it because she said, "Well, there's no guarantee that it's gonna do anything." At the end of our appointment, I said, "So, you stripped my membranes?" and she was like, "Well, I just massaged it a little". Argh!! I mean, whatever she did didn't do anything besides give me brown spotting, but it makes me mad that she thought she could just strip my membranes! I mean, she could have given me more warning than that! Actually, she should have asked me first if I wanted them stripped, rather than assuming I wouldn't mind! I knew I should have told her specifically before the exam not to strip my membranes because I had a feeling that she might try it (we had a talk at my 39 week appointment how her back-up OB wanted to strip my membranes at 38 weeks and my CNM laughed and said, "Well, that's a little too soon. Maybe at our 40-week appointment"). I didn't object at the time, so I guess she thought I was okay with it.

Anyway, here I am at 40 weeks, 2 days, waiting for labor to start. I've technically been in early labor for at least a week or two because like I said above, I've been getting contractions off and on everyday, since around 38 weeks. I am very nervous about my birth. Lately, I've been worried about things like uterine rupture, my doula not getting here in time, etc. I'm at the point where I just want to get this over with so I don't have to think about the what-ifs anymore. I guess I just need some support and encouragement that everything will go fine.

It also doesn't help that my son (23 months) has been having sooo many tantrums lately! I swear he has at least 3-4 a day and it's driving me bonkers!! It makes me wonder whether he senses that something is going to change soon or if it's just a coincidence.

Anyway, I've gotta go because he's having another tantrum. Thanks for reading!