[Phoebe]

FIL called today kind of sternly stating that they were worried and that they wanted information and to know what was going on with our situation.

I have no flippin' information, man!! My due date was 10 days ago, mom and baby are fine, leave me alone. Thats the info I have. They have never been comfortable with my decisions to HB.

But what is the deal with people's lack of understanding of human gestation lenght? Why is it that no one is ever concerned when a women goes into labor "early" at 38 or even 37 weeks. No one seems to blink at the idea of an induction, necessary or not at 38 weeks either. Why is any time past 40 weeks some sort of serious danger??

I am so pissed at FIL's phone message. Like I am not anxious and eventhough I am cool-headed and feel good and really don't suspect any problem, I am a pregnant woman who has been reasonably concerned (if you want to call it that) since that pee test had a plus sign. Don't you dare call me with your alarmist concerns and expect me to calm your fears

:

Just had to vent a bit...

amy

 

[ShwarmaQueen]

Wow, to me it would have been a little less annoying if it were my MIL, since afterall she actually had been preggo before.

I'm sure it's just excitement wrapped w/ anxiety to meet the new grandchild...but geez!

 

[Gena 22]

You're doing an excellent job "cooking" that babe. Don't let your FIL get you down. As you mention, we have a real cultural bias towards prematurity these days. Due dates seem crazy early to me in general, especially if you have family history tending to later births.

Your babe needs all the time inside you possible, and it's better for everyone.

Vent a lot, here, in the shower, to your DH. Then focus on the positive, enjoy your last pre-birth moments and don't take any more of FIL's calls!

 

[layla983]

In my case, everyone around me has been programmed to think "Oh god, she's past due, now what?!" My mom was told when she was pregnant that after 40 weeks "bad things can happen." She was scared because she was 2 days overdue when I was finally born. My inlaws & SIL were even worse because when SIL was pregnant 3 years ago the day after her due date she was only 1cm dilated, so they sent her right over to get induced because "she's never going to go into labor alone & the placenta can't support the baby much longer." Add to the fact that after 4 hours she wasn't dilating fast enough according to the doctor to they rushed her in for an "emergancy c-section" & you'll understand what my inlaws were saying to us that whole time. So many people here, like you mentioned, get induced by 38 weeks. I started getting the offers from m doctor at 37 weeks. The problem is that somehow pregnancy started being seen as something that last 37-40 weeks. Yes, it's possible at 37 weeks to go into labor, but I'm not sure when that became the token time for a baby to be born. In my head, pregnancy is 40-42 weeks. When I've said that to people, they think I'm insane because they've been told by doctors at some point that they shouldn't be pregnant that long, usually without giving much info about the so called dangers of it. And around here, people believe what doctors say without any research or really much other thought other than, "Well, they are a doctor, they know these things."

So imagine how many calls we were getting after I was due last pregnancy? I was 9 days over when I was induced (huge regret). And once I was in labor, it didn't stop. After a few hours, my inlaws were calling back to the room, having nurses come back in our room to tell DH he needed to come outside to see them, even bothering the nurses about how they couldn't believe it'd been so long & they wouldn't just give me a c-section. I had one really nice nurse who stopped working with me & my new nurse mentioned that my FIL had been calling her every 30 minutes or so, asking what was happening & whhy they weren't doing anything to hurry everything along because it was taking too long, so I'm convinced she traded patients with another nurse because he was bothering her to be perfectly honest. After DS was born, after 24 hours of labor & 3 hours of pushing, my MIL announced to my parents that they can't believe how long "the doctor let it take" & as they were leaving & DH was walking them out, my MIL went on & on about how we shouldn't have any more babies because if I'm going to take that long everytime, they don't have the nerves to sit around & wait like that & asked if the doctor ever mentioned a c-section or if they'd have to do a c-section if I ever did get pregnant again. When he said I wouldn't need one, she went back on the whole "well, don't have anymore babies! She's not made to deliver babies I guess & we can't take all of this stress."

Aren't they gems? lol I'd tell your FIL that you're pregnant, that's the only situation.

 

[Phoebe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by layla983 In my case, everyone around me has been programmed to think "Oh god, she's past due, now what?!" My mom was told when she was pregnant that after 40 weeks "bad things can happen." She was scared because she was 2 days overdue when I was finally born. My inlaws & SIL were even worse because when SIL was pregnant 3 years ago the day after her due date she was only 1cm dilated, so they sent her right over to get induced because "she's never going to go into labor alone & the placenta can't support the baby much longer." Add to the fact that after 4 hours she wasn't dilating fast enough according to the doctor to they rushed her in for an "emergancy c-section" & you'll understand what my inlaws were saying to us that whole time. So many people here, like you mentioned, get induced by 38 weeks. I started getting the offers from m doctor at 37 weeks. The problem is that somehow pregnancy started being seen as something that last 37-40 weeks. Yes, it's possible at 37 weeks to go into labor, but I'm not sure when that became the token time for a baby to be born. In my head, pregnancy is 40-42 weeks. When I've said that to people, they think I'm insane because they've been told by doctors at some point that they shouldn't be pregnant that long, usually without giving much info about the so called dangers of it. And around here, people believe what doctors say without any research or really much other thought other than, "Well, they are a doctor, they know these things." So imagine how many calls we were getting after I was due last pregnancy? I was 9 days over when I was induced (huge regret). And once I was in labor, it didn't stop. After a few hours, my inlaws were calling back to the room, having nurses come back in our room to tell DH he needed to come outside to see them, even bothering the nurses about how they couldn't believe it'd been so long & they wouldn't just give me a c-section. I had one really nice nurse who stopped working with me & my new nurse mentioned that my FIL had been calling her every 30 minutes or so, asking what was happening & whhy they weren't doing anything to hurry everything along because it was taking too long, so I'm convinced she traded patients with another nurse because he was bothering her to be perfectly honest. After DS was born, after 24 hours of labor & 3 hours of pushing, my MIL announced to my parents that they can't believe how long "the doctor let it take" & as they were leaving & DH was walking them out, my MIL went on & on about how we shouldn't have any more babies because if I'm going to take that long everytime, they don't have the nerves to sit around & wait like that & asked if the doctor ever mentioned a c-section or if they'd have to do a c-section if I ever did get pregnant again. When he said I wouldn't need one, she went back on the whole "well, don't have anymore babies! She's not made to deliver babies I guess & we can't take all of this stress." Aren't they gems? lol I'd tell your FIL that you're pregnant, that's the only situation.

Oh wow...She's not made to deliver babies...wow.
You ILs get on my nerves big time

I had a somewhat similar situation after my first child...ended in csection after 52 hrs. When I got pg again and I called to tell my parents the happy news, my mom hollered out to my dad that I was expecting and he said "oh no she's going to do that to me again!". When I asked to talk to him she said he went out to the garage. Thanks for the congrats, daddy

 

[Phoebe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gena 22 Vent a lot, here, in the shower, to your DH. Then focus on the positive, enjoy your last pre-birth moments and don't take any more of FIL's calls!

How did you know that my favorite place to vent is in the shower??!!
I must not be the only one

 

[punkrawkmama27]

I have been getting this alot from people, even since I was about 39 weeks! The neighbors behind us have called every Sunday for the past month (they NEVER call). My family is always on me, arent you uncomfortable? Cant the midwife do anything to move it along? I hear all kinds of horror stories about cords and problems with large babies. I always feel better after talking to my mw, but then everyone else has to make such a big deal out of it, like it is a medical emergency, then I start to worry. I was actually coming on here to ask what risks there are to having a baby that is "over due".

 

[pantufla]

My first was 10 days past his EDD, and everyone kept asking me "When are you getting induced?" I'm not, but thanks for asking.

 

[Sheryl1678]

I am 41+3 today too!!

The "worried" phone calls and emails have been steadily increasing since I passed 40 weeks. I think everyone believes that 40 is the end. I JUST posted on my blog about it today in fact.
http://blog.amuchbetterway.com/pregn...-weeks-3-days/

 

[AutumnAir]

OMG - I nearly went nuts with this.
I went to 43 + 1 weeks. My family on my mom's side have a history of longer pregnancies and I was reasonably confident to let it go as long as I and babe were fine (as confident as anyone can be anyway!).
My aunt called me up to ask why the doctors hadn't induced me already - this was at about 42 weeks. She was telling me that I should just demand to be induced. I was trying to keep a straight face while explaining that I wasn't seeing doctors but midwives, and that I'd had nothing but pressure to be induced for the last week, but that I was doing what I believed to be safest for me and my baby by not accepting those 'offers'.!
But the people who kept calling to ask if we'd had the baby yet were the worst! I mean, people, as though I'm going to have her and just not bother to tell anyone! LOL
It's kind of funny now, but it was awful at the time. I didn't answer the phone at all the last week or so - I'd had enough and I didn't need to listen to people trying to freak me out all the time.
But I agree - it's ridiculous that somehow 40 weeks, instead of being the 'mean' length of pregnancy is now pushed by medicos as the 'terminal point', i.e. we have to get that baby out of there now. AVERAGE length of pregnancy is anywhere from 38-42 weeks, but there are exceptions to that too. Just because a woman has a baby at 37 weeks doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong - that might just be the right cooking time for her and that babe. And the same for a woman who has her baby at 43 weeks, but somehow in this environment the latter situation is seen as being incredibly dangerous, while the risks of prematurity are pooh-poohed

:

 

[dogmom327]

I've really been debating what we should tell people for a due date. So far the only people who know aren't the type to worry about being "overdue" so I told them the truth. I'm really tempted to tell everyone else that the baby is due sometime this summer.

 

[tpintsch]

I went exactly 14 days post due and let me tell you it was the most challenging thing about my pregnancy. Morning sickness has nothing on your entire family, friends and co-workers worrying for you. I was getting about 5 phone calls a day from people that were "concerned", one of my husbands co-workers that he barely knew took the time to tell him that a friend of a friends babies died just from being post-due

. He came home that day and just cried. At that point we refused to answer the phone and he started his paternity leave a week early. The time seemed to literally slow down. But needless to say we eventually had the baby. You will too. But in the mean time know that everything will be just fine. I regret ever telling anyone my real due date, for future pregnancies I will give a due "month".

 

[madiesmommy]

Wow, I had turned off the phone because my MIL would call and leave messages like that and give me the third degree about how I felt. I went to 41w 3days by one due date and 42w by another...I know how you feel!! I agree with pp where next time, I am going to add 3 weeks to my projected due date and tell everyone that date...or week...

 

[Phoebe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by madiesmommy I agree with pp where next time, I am going to add 3 weeks to my projected due date and tell everyone that date...or week...

Too bad this is the last one or I'd do the same.

Of course when I got to 37 weeks I said to my MIL "well, it could come any time now really". Dumb thing to say. She then replies that around the 18th or 19th she'd start expecting baby. I said but no, I'm not DUE until 11/23. Don't start expecting anything until then!!
Sure enough, they are worry mongering and I'm still pissed about that dang phone call.

Oh and my SIL who is supposed to be caring for our 2 boys during my labor keeps calling asking if there is "any movement". If anything is happening, she'll be the first after the midwife to get a call!!! If you get no call...THERE"S NO LABOR!!! If there is no labor...then nothing is happening. We tell her that almost daily. Sheesh.

As some of the pps have said, I have stopped answering the phone to anyonw who I suspect would give me lip. My best friend who works in L&D is certainly one of them. She has a real knack for words. Last pregnancy (first HBAC) she asked me "so what's your plan in case you rupture". Uh, nice. I wanted to tell her we would get on a donkey and mosey on over to the hospital, maybe. WTH do you think! And there is no good reason to mention the R word to a woman about to attempt her first VBAC, you tactless woman! She's always talking super clinical like "I worked a vag delivery today" or "we sectioned this lady"...buzzkill.
Anyway, I really only talk to my mom, who is not friendly to HB but 2 of her 3 pregnancies were over a week late and she doesn't understand the current incduction stuff. She's a homebirther at heart and just doesn't know it

 

[maria22000]

I think most people are nervous about it because there is an increase in stillbirth after 42 weeks.

The RCOG (2001) and NICE (2001) guidelines cite a retrospective analysis by Hilder et al (1998) in supporting their assertion that perinatal mortality is lowered by induction after 41 weeks. This study suggested that the risk of pregnancy loss increases from 0.35/3000 (continuing pregnancies) at 37 weeks to 2.12/3000 at 42 weeks and 5.8/3000 at 43 weeks. (The authors of the RCOG guidelines rounded these numbers up to 1/3000, 3/3000 and 6/3000 respectively). However, there are a number of potential sources of bias in this study.

There are a number of methodological and statistical problems inherent in this study, including that (but not limited to) the definition of "pregnancy loss" includes infant mortality as well as stillbirth. Hilder et al justify this on the basis that "post-term delivery has been associated with an increased risk of infant loss for up to two years" (169). However, while a correlation may be found between post-term birth and infant mortality, including the total infant mortality rate in an analysis such as this will include babies who have died for reasons quite unrelated to the gestation at which they were born.

Hilder L, Costeloe K, Thilaganathan B (1998) Prolonged pregnancy: evaluating gestation-specific risks of fetal and infant mortality. British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, 105(2): 169-173

Some people say the increased risk is 1/1000. I am not sure where those numbers come from though.

 

[aurora_skys]

Ugh, try your best to ignore it!

I went two weeks "overdue" (although according to my due date, not my obs arbitrary one, the baby was just 8 days "past due") and you would have thought I was trying to kill my baby! People started talking about inductions, all kinds of shiet, it was so irritating! Top that off with having the baby at home and wow, what fun family gatherings! >_<

so just try to ignore it, explain to him that theres a wide time frame for when a baby is "due" and that babies do not expire like a gallon of milk! Also explain that pregnancy is stressful enough without being reminded of your babies supposed lateness.

due dates are guesses!!!

 

[bri276]

Quote:

However, while a correlation may be found between post-term birth and infant mortality, including the total infant mortality rate in an analysis such as this will include babies who have died for reasons quite unrelated to the gestation at which they were born.

and correlation does not = causation. Most mothers here who choose to allow their babies to gestate until the natural onset of labor have spent a while reading about both sides of the argument, but I really doubt the OP's inlaws have been perusing the medical literature. I think it's because everyone is programmed to think due date and then, induction. Without giving it a minute's thought because "doctor knows best".

People are also just so eager to see the new baby. They get sick of waiting and take it out on the worst person possible- the heavily pregnant mama!

 

[maria22000]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bri276 and correlation does not = causation.

Right, that is what I implied.

I was going to add to just give the inlaws the research and let them figure it out *inserts evil grin*

 

[boogiebearlove]

I decided to have a home birth, and while I had educated friends planning to be there for the event, I had no formal midwife, so my family was freaking out. Then when I reached 42 weeks all hell broke loose. My MIL said I was being neglectful!!! So I cut them all off, until she was born, which was 3 days later. I sent out an email to everyone bugging me, saying that me and the baby were healthy, and there was no way I was going to the doc unless I felt otherwise. The biggest point I was trying to make was that I am the mommy - I love this baby more than you do. Please respect me enough to believe that I would never put my own baby in harm's way. That worked well for my mom. But MIL- she flipped out.
I carried my son for 41 weeks before I was induced for no reason (so irritated I wasn't as educated back then), so I have no idea when he would have come naturally. If I have another I'll know to expect a longer term.
Everybody was worried because my son weighted 9.5 lbs at 41 weeks, and I am very petite (5'2" and 120 lbs). They were sure that a 42 week baby would be huge and require a c-section, because of course our bodies aren't made to deliver really big babies (yeah - right). At 42 weeks and 3 days dd was only about 8 lbs 11 oz, and she was SO healthy and pink and happy

Best wishes mama! I know you're confident in your body and baby, but I'm sure you're pretty uncomfortable nonetheless! Hope the baby comes out soon!

 

[punkrawkmama27]

Quote:

Originally Posted by boogiebearlove I decided to have a home birth, and while I had educated friends planning to be there for the event, I had no formal midwife, so my family was freaking out. Then when I reached 42 weeks all hell broke loose. My MIL said I was being neglectful!!! So I cut them all off, until she was born, which was 3 days later. I sent out an email to everyone bugging me, saying that me and the baby were healthy, and there was no way I was going to the doc unless I felt otherwise. The biggest point I was trying to make was that I am the mommy - I love this baby more than you do. Please respect me enough to believe that I would never put my own baby in harm's way. That worked well for my mom. But MIL- she flipped out. I carried my son for 41 weeks before I was induced for no reason (so irritated I wasn't as educated back then), so I have no idea when he would have come naturally. If I have another I'll know to expect a longer term. Everybody was worried because my son weighted 9.5 lbs at 41 weeks, and I am very petite (5'2" and 120 lbs). They were sure that a 42 week baby would be huge and require a c-section, because of course our bodies aren't made to deliver really big babies (yeah - right). At 42 weeks and 3 days dd was only about 8 lbs 11 oz, and she was SO healthy and pink and happy Best wishes mama! I know you're confident in your body and baby, but I'm sure you're pretty uncomfortable nonetheless! Hope the baby comes out soon!

Ds1 was 9.1 lbs. I was induced at 39 weeks due to GD, and an u/s that revealed a large baby and low fluid. I had no problems pushing him out, but now that I am more than 40 wks, everyone in my family keeps saying that this baby will be huge, and with me having a homebirth, how am I going to get this baby out. My mw estimates that this baby is about 8 lbs, but when I tell my family they say that cant be right, you are huge. I dont feel any different or look any different then my last 3 pregnancies. But when they keep saying things like this to me, it really worries me, I too do not have a very big build (5'6, 125) and they worry that I wont be able to deliver the baby if it waits any longer.