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My little sister, "S" has a friend with a 5 month old little boy. S just found out last night that he is already FF'ing in the car. S is a full-time nanny to our niece, who is 7 months, and she is very up-to-date with all the current baby info. She knew that he shouldn't be FF'ing yet and asked "A" (her friend) why she had him FF'ing. She said he screams unless he's FF'ing and he's almost 20 lbs, so it's close enough.<br><br>
So, S calls me today and asks for specifics about this. I explained everything, including how it has to be 20 lbs AND one year, and how exactly it's dangerous. She is very worried about this little boy and wants to say something to A, but doesn't know how to go about it. They've only been friends for about a month and a half, and S doesn't want to scare her off because it's nice to have a friend with a baby so close in age to our neice.<br><br>
She also told me that this baby is nowhere near 20 lbs. Our neice is 18 lbs and there is a considerable size difference. She can tell by looking at them and holding them that he is probably only about 15 lbs, which just makes this whole situation worse.<br><br>
She is thinking maybe she should tell A that she asked Kim (our older sister and our neice's mom) if they should turn E around since she's almost 20 lbs and that Kim told her no because of XYZ. This way, it doesn't seem like S is being a know-it-all, or trying to tell A what to do with her kid. And she is going to give her one of those toys that you hook on the back of the seat w/a mirror to see if it helps with the screaming. If A listens and turns him back around, that is.<br><br>
How would you go about it? Keeping in mind that S doesn't have any of her own kids, so lots of people don't even take her seriously, even though she is a WONDERFUL nanny and aunt, and she doesn't want to piss off her friend.
 

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I am not sure if I completely followed who is doing what but I would have the person who wants to tell the mom to turn her child's back to rear facing to get a brochure or an article about the importance of facing rear and give it to the mom. You could probably find some by googling baby car safety or some such words. The mom could also be given the suggestion to get a car mirror so the infant can see his mama when rear facing. After that, there is not much you can do. You cannot force the mom to change her child around.
 

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moving this to Life with a Babe
 

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I am not sure why giving a friend information that could potentially save their child's life would piss them off. Just tell your sister to tell her friend what she learned from you and let that be that. Any reasonable person would hear the reasons for keeping an infant rf and be kicking themselves for the potential harm they could have caused their child.
 

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I had the exact same situation happen recently. I printed off guidelines from the federal government's website. I highlighted the important parts and gave them to the mom. Told her I would much rather her son have broken legs than to snap his neck because he was forward facing too soon.
 

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Here's some websites and even crash tests showing the difference. If your sister's friend can see these and still keep him ffing, she doens't need a kid. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> You can also call the cops on her as well b/c she is not using her seat according to manufacturer guidelines, so even if 20# and 1yr aren't laws there, that still would be. This also voids her warranty of the seat and basically voids any right she has to sue the company if something were to malfunction w/ the seat. Anyways, here you go:<br><br><a href="http://www.cpsafety.com/articles/stayrearfacing.aspx" target="_blank">http://www.cpsafety.com/articles/stayrearfacing.aspx</a><br><a href="http://www.car-safety.org/rearface.html" target="_blank">http://www.car-safety.org/rearface.html</a><br><a href="http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9916868/" target="_blank">http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9916868/</a><br><a href="http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/bsafety/0,,9r5v,00.html" target="_blank">http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/b...,,9r5v,00.html</a><br><br>
RFing crash.<br><a href="http://www.britax.fi/quicktime/TWside240.AVI" target="_blank">http://www.britax.fi/quicktime/TWside240.AVI</a><br><br>
FFing crash.<br><a href="http://www.oeamtc.at/netautor/html_seiten/kisitest_2002/videos/test2002/frontcrash/maxicosipriori.mpg" target="_blank">http://www.oeamtc.at/netautor/html_s...cosipriori.mpg</a><br><br>
Have her also get her seat checked. <a href="http://www.seatcheck.org" target="_blank">www.seatcheck.org</a> They'll also give her lots of good info too. PM me if need be.
 

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A little side note-<br><br>
When G first came to us we were debating whether to put his seat in the middle w/o LATCH or on the passenger side w/ LATCH. I mentioned this to his state worker and she proceeded to tell me how she turned her son around to forward facing at about 5 to 6 months- because he hated being rearfacing so much. Hmmm...safety or yelling in the car?! Oh, this is the same person who kept suggesting we give G cereal at two months (so he'd sleep better).<br><br>
Anyway, I'd provide the person with information about the childs physical development and that even if they are at the right weight, their body still needs the support RF offers in the event of a crash.
 

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Yeah, I would direct them to some of these websites and then if she doesn't turn the kid around, I would call the cops. She is putting that baby in serious danger and needs to make a change, one way or another.
 

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if i wanted to maintain the friendship i would make up a story about reading a newspaper article about a baby that was seriously harmed due to being FFing and then bring up some info on why RFing is so much better. i have a friend that put her 6 mo FFing and i was very blunt with her about why it is dangerous. it didn't change her mind this time but next baby i bet she'll be thinking about it.
 

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How about an anonymous tip-off to the police?<br><br>
That way your sister isn't 'involved', and the friend should get scared enough to keep her baby rear facing.
 

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okay after watching that I want to go turn my dd back around but doubtfull she would be okay with that since shes almost 19months.
 

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Kaya'smama, my son was 27 mos when I turned him back rfing, he had been ffing since 11 mos! Now I'm getting certified to do carseat checks, what a change, huh?! lol He had absolutely no problems going back to rfing and actually liked it better b/c he had some place to put his legs then. I just had to turn him ffing last week b/c of his weight and he'll be 3 in May. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Definitely try it!
 

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Call the police???!!!<br>
Geez! Have any of you even had a baby who would not calm one bit in the seat? how about a screamer, a hyperventilating over the top cryer?<br>
I mean, first someone should get all the facts: when does the baby do this- all the time?? have they tried other tactics like attempting only to drive at certain times? or maybe a music diversion or something ?<br><br>
I understand this is safety issue but really weigh it out, get the facts, try to help in as much as possible and then LET It go-- yes- thats what you read: LET IT GO. IT's not your baby- you do not have to drive with it screaming it's head off and your stress level going through the roof. Sometimes we need to remember that kids actually do survive even if their parents dont follow all the rules and bend them on occassion to fit their personal situation.<br><br>
How would you like it if you had the police coming to you about how you put your child in the car???<br><br>
please, reserve your lecture and your links to dangers because i really honestly think what is necesary here is a little compassion and understanding and at the same time a surrender to what is and not what could be.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lauraess</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Call the police???!!!<br>
Geez! Have any of you even had a baby who would not calm one bit in the seat? how about a screamer, a hyperventilating over the top cryer?<br>
I mean, first someone should get all the facts: when does the baby do this- all the time?? have they tried other tactics like attempting only to drive at certain times? or maybe a music diversion or something ?<br><br>
I understand this is safety issue but really weigh it out, get the facts, try to help in as much as possible and then LET It go-- yes- thats what you read: LET IT GO. IT's not your baby- you do not have to drive with it screaming it's head off and your stress level going through the roof. Sometimes we need to remember that kids actually do survive even if their parents dont follow all the rules and bend them on occassion to fit their personal situation.<br><br>
How would you like it if you had the police coming to you about how you put your child in the car???<br><br>
please, reserve your lecture and your links to dangers because i really honestly think what is necesary here is a little compassion and understanding and at the same time a surrender to what is and not what could be.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap"> THANK YOU!!!
 

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Isn't it actually ILLEGAL to have the child forward facing before 20lbs & 1 year? If so, the friend might use that to her advantage - maybe saying she had a friend of a friend who got a huge fine for having the child forward facing before a year. Just another approach she could use.
 

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My DD was a screamer. We tried to time longer car trips so she would fall asleep in the car. I understand where some one would want to turn the seat around early, but for the safety of the child, they should reconsider. One reason they say 20lbs and one year is for neck/head strength. So it's not just about the weight.
 

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my kids always screamed in their carseats...just something they did until they fell asleep. it KILLED me...i HATED it...i wanted to SCREAM!! but, i would never have turned their carseat ff'ing until they were of the min. weight/age...it is a safety issue and it is illegal to do in some states.<br>
oh course, im in NH and adults arent required to wear seatbelts here, so im not sure what they would do here.<br>
as someone else said, look up the law in the state and tell her that. maybe she is young and just doesnt know any better.<br>
i can see why ppl may have problems calling the police, but it is a safety issue and this mama really does need to consider safety over her own convenience (yes, the babe likes ff'ing too but he's just a baby...he doesnt really get to decide safety issues),<br>
i do feel bad for ppl w/ screaming kids...it really gets to me too and i have to "go some place else", kwim? usually i turn the radio on and tune the babe out (AFTER trying a paci, talking, playing kid music, dangling toys off the ceiling of my car, etc.).<br>
good luck!<br>
rach
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lauraess</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">please, reserve your lecture and your links to dangers because i really honestly think what is necesary here is a little compassion and understanding and at the same time a surrender to what is and not what could be.</div>
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It is a DANGER! A five month old is too small to be forward facing. This is a grievous misuse of a device that is suppossed to provide SAFETY!<br><br>
Trust me on this one. My Ds was a major carseat screamer, non-stop for any car ride, long or short. I would rather have him screaming than DEAD or paralysed though. Babies have huge heads and little tiny necks that have just started supporting those heads. This is not just a danger in a crash, but also in a sudden stop. Whiplash anyone?<br><br>
Not everyone who is endangering the well being of their child can be reached with understanding and compassion. Surrender should not be an option when the change is so simple and just requires someone to bravely speak up.<br><br><a href="http://www.seatcheck.org" target="_blank">http://www.seatcheck.org</a>
 

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How could someone just ignore this like one of the PP's said. Could you imagine KNOWING that this child should not be sitting forward facing and if there was an accident and something happened to the baby?? How could she ever live with that?<br><br>
Having BTDT, I would just bring it up to the mom and if she chose to hate me and not be my friend, then so be it. I would much rather have said something to try and protect the safety of her child than not say anything and have something possibly happen to the child.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mightymoo</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Isn't it actually ILLEGAL to have the child forward facing before 20lbs & 1 year? If so, the friend might use that to her advantage - maybe saying she had a friend of a friend who got a huge fine for having the child forward facing before a year. Just another approach she could use.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 
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