Please consult a lawyer about this; it'll help you feel a lot more secure. You can probably get a free phone consult in your area, or perhaps you qualify for legal aid. Honestly, it's SO worth it to arm yourself with knowledge.
Also, I'd start documenting how much parenting your STBX actually does (changing, bathing, feeding, etc etc). This will come in handy when you speak to a lawyer.
This is highly variable by state. In some states 50-50 is the norm, but not in all. Yes, it's best to consult an attorney. You should be able to get a free consult. Contact more than one. If your STBX hasn't been really involved you may end up transitioning to 50-50 over a period of time.
i don't know ... my sister was a sahm and the judge ordered 50/50 custody which ultimately ended up with him getting sole custody (well there's more to it than that but we'll leave it there). you never know what will happen if it gets in front of a judge
are you able to work this out between the two of you? is your STBX just making empty threats?
Hi, my ex and I have 50/50 custody (my kids were 8 & 6). It's worked out okay, but it has always been really hard to have consistant rules for them to live by. My kids still straddle two different worlds, and it's not been easy on them.
That has been the down side. If I were to live it over again, I would have gone for primary custody with just me. Good luck.
we did 50/50 for a few months, the kids were 3 and 2. it was really, really hard on them and eventually even ex saw how detrimental it was and agreed to change it. having tried it, i would recommend against it.
Does he really WANT to do 50% of the parenting, or is he trying to avoid cs? As you are no doubt aware, lawyers of divorcing men use custody demands as a weapon to try to get the women to agree to lower support payments, no alimony, etc. It would be useful to know if this is a true desire to become an equal parent (in which case you might want to consider it, perhaps agree to a 50/50 split starting when the kids are in grade school) or just a tactic.
As PPs have said, every state is different in what the "norm" is. You need a good lawyer now. Do whatever you have to to pay for it, it's worth it.
If you need to settle for 50/50, I'd suggest working in chunks of week-on, week-off rather than shuttling back and forth throughout the week. But what I'd REALLY suggest is getting a good lawyer who is committed to building a strong case for you as the primary custodial parent until the kids are older.