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My 6 yo asked me today if I thought her face looked weird. I asked her what she meant and she said that sometimes she looks at her face and thinks she looks weird. She thinks her face is too round and she thinks it looks funny and she's worried that when other people look at her they are thinking that she looks weird.

We're not a family that focuses on beauty or outward appearance. I do tell her that she's beautiful or that she looks pretty or that I love her hair or whatever but, I try to primarily compliment her on what a thoughtful person she is, how loving, kind, funny, creative etc.... she is. But, I do think kids - well, really I think everyone - has a need to hear that they're pretty, beautiful, look lovely etc..... so I do tell her those things as well.

So, I didn't totally know how to handle it but, after determining that no one said something to her about her appearance, I told her that I did not think she looked weird and I couldn't see anything anyone would ever say was weird about how she looked. We talked about how everyone is unique, no one is perfect and while she's beautiful, the most important thing is how she feels on the inside.

Anyway, she's brought it up a couple more times and I'm just not certain how to handle this insecurity in a 6 year old! I feel like I'm not saying the right things or focusing on the right things.

After her shower tonight, she was looking in the mirror and started talking about it again so, we stood there looking in the mirror while I brushed her hair and I asked her to tell me something positive about herself. She was able to talk about her beautiful hair, her blue eyes, her long lashes, her freckles etc.... and she's able to verbalize understanding that everyone is unique, no one is perfect etc.... but, she keeps bringing up her fear that she looks weird and that people around her think she looks weird.

Anyone deal with something like this? Any words of wisdom would be so appreciated.
 

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My DD does that a lot it both makes me sad and drives me batty she too is in afamily that does not emphize personal beauty we do tell her shes is beautiful as in shes is a beautiful girl/person/spirt ect but still she'll sudenly point and obcsess over something.. Her nose shape then its her hair then its her feet then its the color of her eyes ect shes dwels fora while dros it and moves to the next thing.. Sometimes its like sehs jsut wants to hear no your perfect jsut that way other times I'm not sure she never seems particularly down about herself just picky.
BTW she is 7...

Deanna
 

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it doesnt upset me. i join her and show her parts of me i dont like. we laugh over my nose since we have the same one - i dont like mine and she likes hers. she asks me why i dont hate my big tummy when gyms specially advertise to get rid of belly fat. i tell her coz its where the uterus is where i carried her. plus i have fibroids so i always appear at least 3 months pregnant. i tell her that too. i tell her i love my big tummy because because i carried her and i look just like the fertility goddesses they find in ancient ruins.

the thing is she needs acknowledgement of her feelings - whether you agree or not. there is nothing you have done wrong. i have though brought up my dd to believe what matters is what she thinks. so no matter what others think, what matters is what she thinks of herself.

she has baby fat on her even at 7. her dad was like that till his early teens. when she was 5 her dad and gpa used to call her fat. ex even built a running track on his lawn. inspite of me talking to him he didnt stop. dd gets round in summer and then suddenly end of summer shoots up overnight. so i asked dd what she thought of herself. does she believe her dad and gpa. i had to take that stance because seh was starting to get really affected by it - to the point that she was watching her food and watching her stomach in the mirror. anytime she would bring up anything which started with 'he says' or she says or they say, i ask her what does she say. that really helped her.

what really matters is also my attitude. i notice if i dont treat the thing as a big deal she doesnt either. i would listen to her talk about herself as an alien, and my attitude was so what. be the best alien you can be. you are what you are. i share how others find me wierd for different reasons. for instance teh other day she proudly brought home a paper with an A on it. apparently she was the only child in her whole class that did a super job on a hard thing. so i asked her if she had fun getting that 'a' or was she miserable putting in all the hard work. i told her i would much prefer her get a c and have fun rather than get an a that she didnt get a chance to play.

all this talking has really taken the bite out of the word wierd for dd. in fact she sees it as a compliment. for instance when i start talking about her eating habits - what she eats and doesnt eat and what she likes and doesnt like - i myself call her wierd because she hates waht everyone recalls as their fav. from childhood. she is too healthy an eater adn her fav. is sushi.

my dd's talk of alien began when she was 3.

so the world might find her weird. so what? in reality some would. no matter what. what is her fear.

it also helps dd that i do crazy things in public (inspired by john lennon's mom). she sees that i dont mind people thinking me crazy.
 

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Maybe you could point out how certain features she has resemble other family members...like her nose is like yours, eyes like grandpas, whatever. If she can see how the "weird" features are like other people in her family, at least she is not alone in being "weird". I remember thinking the same thing about my voice the first time I remember hearing a recording of it, like other people hear me like that? Man I must sound weird! But my mom explained that it may sound "weird" to me, but other people hear that all the time so it is not strange to them. Plus, a little "weird"ness keeps the world from being boring, right?
 
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