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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have to get this off my chest...

That is what DH has been up too. Two years ago he told me he wanted to take guitar lessons. I said that's great honey, go right ahead. He started taking lessons from this guy he worked with who would come to our house and teach guitar. This guy is a music major and had never really taught before.

DH hardly ever practices. I rarely hear him play guitar, and yet, he has 1 acoustic and 7 electric guitars. He has two guitars that cost over $800 a piece, with the latest acquisition purchased yesterday to the tune of $900- "Oh but honey that includes a hardside case that they threw in for $50!". He has two amps that have run about $500. I can't even begin to count all of the little bits and pieces of guitar accessories.

This guy CANNOT sit down and play a song after TWO YEARS of lessons. Oh, I take that back, he can play Stairway to Heaven (sort of) just the same as any 15yr old rock start wannabe- he is 36!!!Lessons are $100 a month. I started playing flute in the 5th grade and was in intermediate books 2 years later. What is his problem?! I guess he thinks buying a fancy guitar(s) will make him a better player.

I have just really been bugged by this. His excuse is that he will buy this with the money his folks give him for his b-day ($2500). He thinks that since he has done family things with that money (pay off cars) he can just spend it on toys. The sad thing is, I would love a new bike with a baby trailer to ride the trail near our house, but all I hear is how we can't afford that now.

So yesterday I went to the mall with my mom and bought a leather wallet/purse for $92, and another tote bag today for $50 just to spite him (they are also really cute!).

I just have to get this off my chest. If I insist that he take the guitar back, I don't want to put up with the inevitable pouting. I guess I should feel grateful that he buys a guitar every few months and doesn't go to the bar and pick up women.

So am I way off base to be bugged by all the damn guitar equipment? I guess I wouldn't be so bugged by it all if he could actually sit down and play something (other than Stairway).

Thanks for reading....
 

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Are you and I married to the same person?
My dh would spend all his money on guitars if he could. I have had to be very VERY firm and tell him that he just cannot do this, we need the money, ext/it took a lot of doing but his head isn't all full of dreams anymore now that reality struck. It's kind of different in my family I guess, b/c we are all musicians. I play guitar, dh, and so does my little brother. We have all together nine guitars and one bass. We also have a half-stack amp with is basically a stage amp that is LOUD! All equipment together worth about $6000 dollars.
:
 

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You know what? I am very similar with my crafts stuff. Luckily we can afford it (and frankly the cost of crafts stuff is like pocket change compared to some of dh's electronic "boy toys"), so it doesn't cause a marital issue. But, what I buy is out of all proportion to what I achieve with it. I think sometimes when we have difficulty or discouragement learning a new skill, we compensate by buying more stuff for it. I'm not saying you shouldn't be ticked, but don't judge him so harshly; having been in those shoes, I can tell you that it has a lot to do with self-esteem, insecurity etc. Making him feel guilty for the money (unless it is affecting your kids' food or something, in which case he should feel guilty) will probably make matters worse. The more supportive and "noble" thing to do (not that I would blame you if you considered this to be more than you could do!) would be to support him in actually getting somewhere with the guitar playing.

I do think you should address the situation head on - for him to be telling you you can't afford something that you would be using to provide fun enrichment for your child (bike trailer) while buying multiple guitars, is seriously not cool. I was just trying to give you a perspective on what may be happening inside his head. Also I understand birthday money is a personal thing, but when a man has a family he doesn't really get to have "my personal fun money over here on the side" like a teenager, kwim? I do think you should address it and not let it fester...but when you are calm.
 

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My husband is jealous of your husband. He knows that they would be sold by the time he got home from work, though.
 

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My dh thinks you should smash one of the guitars, and say "now I'm buying a bike and baby trailer". He says it's the "macho male" thing to do.

His second suggestion was to sell a guitar on Ebay and put the money towards a bike.

I don't think either of these are very helpful, but they do make it very clear that you're not "off base" to be bugged by the guitar equipment. Oh - and I disagree that you should be "grateful" that he buys a guitar every few months, but doesn't go to the bar and pick up women. It's not really that he's buying guitars...it's that he's saying "my toys are more important than my family".

Little exercise...substitute "drugs" for "guitars" and "diapers" for "bike with baby trailer". Would you think you were off-base? IMO, it's a matter of degree. I think your dh should be able to have some luxuries, certainly - but eight guitars when you want a bike to take your kids riding??
 

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Wow, I don't really know what to say. My husband plays guitar, he has done so for over 22 years. He was in a band in his early 20's. He isn't the greatest but he knows what he is doing and can play many, many songs. BUT he only has 3 guitars (our oldest son has 2). He also has a piano (keyboard) and electric drums. I have more beef over the piano and drums since he bought those and can't play either one but I don't mind. It gives him something to do something other than watching the financial news on Fox every afternoon.
:

If it's a problem with you, which it sounds like it is, then I'd sit him down and talk to him about it in depth. I don't see why he needs "8" guitars if he can't even play a whole song but I'm just basing my comment on what you've said so far. I know my husband love, love, loves his music so I never tread negatively in that area of his life, hehe. I know better. It's a love he has had for years and years. He taught himself how to play guitar when he was only a kid so I'm proud of him for that. Plus, we have the $$ we need for things so the fact he has some musical equipment wouldn't be an issue for us.

I do hope your DH can come to his senses and atleast compromise with you and maybe get rid of a few of the guitars. If he sells them to the right person he can make a bit of cash for the family that can go towards things you actually NEED right now. If he doesn't agree to sell any of them then make him commit to buying a book or CD on how to learn to play guitar. I know a lot of people that have taught themselves over the years. If he really wants to learn he should atleast do that much.

Btw, my husband had two other guitars a few years ago that he sold on Ebay before buying his newer ones. We made a lot off those guitars. So that's a great way to get rid of them for extra $$.
 

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Oh and I forgot to mention in my last post.

Do you watch Dr. Phil? He had an episode about this on Friday afternoon.
He had a couple on there where the husband went out and bought a jeep against his wife because she had told him she didn't want him to get one and he got one anyway and she wanted him to get rid of it. Dr. Phil agreed that he should sell it because he already had a motorcycle. The book "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil is supposed to have a chapter that goes over that sort of disagreement between couples. Maybe you could read that and get your husband to read it too.
 

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If it is not guitars it is something else!
: When DH and I first got married it was DVDs, cds, and just about anything he wanted. Is he doing it as a control thing or just doesn't see the rational? Not much advice
: , just hugs!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by EastonsMom
If it is not guitars it is something else!
: When DH and I first got married it was DVDs, cds, and just about anything he wanted. Is he doing it as a control thing or just doesn't see the rational? Not much advice
: , just hugs!

******SIGH***** I'm sorry. I can't be of any help BUT I can sympathize.


My husband is an avid gun collector....and not just any guns. Oh no. These are high dollar, rare or hard to find, you name it, it's in our house. I don't complain though because you see...if something ever happens to him....I am going to be VERY, VERY rich....because I am going to have an auction........
If it's just a hobby...is it really a big deal? I mean does it take food out of your mouth and the children's....does it take away from your family time? If not and it's something he wants to do ( meaning: it keeps him out of trouble and happy) is it worth your anger and resentment? For me, it is an issue just not worth fighting about.
 

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I have sympathy for you


My DH and I have had similar issues in the past. DH is not great with money, he sees something shiney and wants to buy it. We've had talks and it's improved tremendously. Like so many things in relationships, it's about balance. I think you both should be able to have things that you enjoy, but neither should be at the expense of the other or the well-being of your family.
 

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I feel for you! Like the last poster, my dh collects guns. I do NOT understand why he needs so many when he can only use one at a time! He says they are different, and I have a bunch of sweaters - that I can only wear one at a time...
Hate it when he has a point!

But my sweaters are less than $50 each, and his guns are many many hundreds of dollars each... Plus I am quite sure he has at least twice as many guns as I have sweaters, and that is a generous estimate. I bet I have eight sweaters, and he has at least 30 guns... So let's see, 8 x $50 = $400 worth of sweaters. 30 x $500 = $15,000 worth of guns... ugh. I will be having a good garage sale if he dies before I do! Actually, I wouldn't do that - not sure how I would get rid of the guns if I could. Would like to just burn 'em.

Like the previous poster, I try not to make it an issue. We can afford it. If we couldn't then it would be a bigger issue for sure. But I can imagine that your situation (where he can barely play and has all those expensive guitars) would make me crazy too.

I think (especially since he can barely play!) that two guitars (one acoustic and one electric) is reasonable. If he gets to the point where he is fairly good and can play for enjoyment (his and other people's) then maybe one or two more - if you can afford - would be ok. I don't think my friends who play guitars in actual BANDS have eight guitars! I will ask them.
 

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Ok so think of the lessons as a fun social thing. who care sif learns anything so long as he is haging a good time. I really feel like if he thinks the lessons are worth it then they are worth it. even if it is just the lesson he thinks is fun.

I don;t see the gutars as a alot of difference then people who have a stash of diapers and covers far and above what they need or who buy expensive yarn etc but rarely finish a project etc

the question is can you afford to have this kind of hobby? you said today you went out and droped $100 plus dollars on a couple of bags. it doesn't sound like you are hirting finacially. and that could have easily gone towards a trailer and bike. can you not just go out and buy a trailer and bike and if there is no money left for guitars then so be it.

i don't think he should have to spend his birthday money on family things. its his and it is nice if he has used it on you in the past but he certainly wouldn't be a jerk for not sharing. although I think he should wait until it come before he goes and spends it. perhaps this is his way of trying to gain some freedom with money. the expectation that even his gifts can't be blown on fun stuff may be getting under his skin.

however if this really is getting in the way of things you need, food, shelter and clothing sort of stuff or if it is driving you into debt this is soemthing you should talk about . try not to insult his hobby. if it brings him pleasure it is worth whatever he is spending so long as the money is there. it doesn't matter what he can play or not. just consider him an instrument collector. the less he plays the better resale value they will have and at least he is into something real. it could be model cars or something . but you can adress it as "how about we set a budget for our hobbies. we each get $150 a month to spend however we se fit." or "we really can't afford lessons and guitar collecting. can you pick one?"

and for perspective, in case your dh is intrested, my cousin has an endorsment from a guitar company (taylor I think? maybe gibson . . . ) and she doesn't have 8 guitars. and she gets them for free.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirsten
I feel for you! Like the last poster, my dh collects guns. I do NOT understand why he needs so many when he can only use one at a time! He says they are different, and I have a bunch of sweaters - that I can only wear one at a time...
Hate it when he has a point!

Yeah but having too many clothes (or guns in my husbands case) is just not possible. You know it's like having too much money or a car that goes too fast (isn't that in a song somewhere?
: ) There's no such thing as too much of a good thing when your the one wanting it....My husband says everytime I buy shoes or a purse "But you have so many already and you can only wear a pair at a time." I say, "Yeah that's true but some people collect silver spoons, some peole collect clocks, and some people collect dolls...I collect shoes and purses and the cuter the better and why are you asking...hey isn't that a new gun?
: " Point made and he leaves me alone.

Find a hobby, something that he can't understand, it will even up the playing field and he will see your point...and you will see his.
 

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OMG I could have written your post!
we need a guitar addicts support group. My Dh is addicted to bases. Always looking for that feel or tone and this will be the "one" well then he sold the "one" and vents about that (even though I told him not to sell the "one"). Men and there obsessions
. Hang in there my DH has been playing for around 10 years now and the obsession goes down but not away
:
 

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I think your dh needs to rephrase his goal: He's not learning how to play guitar, he's collecting them.

OK, so he has a hobby. If he's spending his birthday money on them and not household money, I'd probably let it go. But if I didn't have one already, I'd probably find myself a hobby, too. . . .


Any money dh and I get for birthdays or holiday gifts is ours, respectively, to spend as we wish. Luckily, if my family gives me money for Christmas, for example, they also give him some, and his family works the same way. So it's pretty equal, all things considered. If either one of us has to use our gift cash to pay a household bill, we reimburse ourselves when we can afford it. If one of us wants to get something personal out of household funds, usually the other gets the same amount of money at the same time to spend however we want. It might be a little nitpicky, but for us, it keeps resentment from building up. We don't have a lot of play money, so it's a real treat when we do and we want each other to have the same chance to indulge when the opportunity arises. It also makes it easier to allow the other to enjoy something you're not remotely interested in, because you have the same chance to do something only you are interested in.
 

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Well, I support ya in venting, mama, I really do.

Money issues suck. Just in general, all the time


And it sounds like dh is not working as hard at ABILITY as ACQUISITION. That said, MUSIC is so absolutely necessary, and your kids will reap the benefits of just having those instruments around--access is half the battle. There are cognitive abilites music inherently passes on--patterns that never leave you. A friend of mine just had a stroke & cannot speak or put together a coherent sentence. But, she can still sing songs, those patterns are so deep neurologically. Amazing.

This is a biased opinion from someone who would rather have a Gibson than a $92 wallet tho'...
 

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My husband is obsessed w/music equipment and to a slightly lesser degree, computer equipment. I used to get mad sometimes when he would overspend but then I sat him down and explained new video card = no food for dinner
He still has a hard time with the idea that my "toys" aren't as important as his. But, he understands that I deserve what I want too. Usually we take turns. He gets something new, I get something new (whether there are months between the two, it doesn't matter). Of course sometimes "my" something new is really something for the kids. Ex: I want a double jogging stroller so that I can take the kids with me when I run. That is filed under something for me instead of a baby thing since they don't need it. That gets annoying. But I was in your situation until I insisted on him being fair. Also, I had to get over my sense of "what I want doesn't matter". Once I started being more firm in my wants/needs I noticed that he started respecting that.
 

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my dad has a room just for his guitars. my mom doesn't even try to stop him anymore-she says its our inheritance.


I wanted to add though that my dad does play a lot and is pretty good at it. But he also has a huge drum set and a ton of recording equipment and keyboards and on and on and on....

my dh seems to like collecting boats -so be glad its just guitars my yard looks like a boat graveyardLol!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Wow! Thanks everyone for your replies. Like I said I just had to get it off my chest. DH is a wonderful guy and provides for our family. With his Christmas cash we did pay off our cars. So I am cutting the guy some slack and just going with it. I guess DD will have no choice but to learn guitar!

Well my birthday is coming, so is DD's, and I think DH will be buying us a bike/trailer!
PS- DH is also looking for a new guitar teacher that can teach him to play rock, instead of the folk music the other teacher was teaching.
 

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hey, so he might actually learn to play the silly things
it is so hard to call it quits with one instructor and find another. it just feels like you are breaking up with someone. even though you know the relationship is bad you feel like bad for wanting to move on.

and remember, guitars are an investment. you can always sel them for what you have into them unless he is way overpaying.
 
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