[kellyjeangee]

<p>I am 8 months pregnant, and man oh man my husband has me going non stop, anyone have a hard time elaborating how hard it is to constantly be moving and going places when we are as big as we are? He gets so upset....and irritable, esp at night, which worries me because babies are up all night long, and god forbid he doesnt get 12 hours of sleep, he freaks........what to do and is anyone in this situation, or been in this situation?</p>

 

[Sihaya]

I'm not in the exact situation, as I am having trouble getting my husband to get off the couch/out of bed. He is sleeping 12+ hours a day (sometimes up to 18) and complaining constantly about how sore and exhausted he is. It is driving me crazy because I need <i>extra</i> help right now and he's helping out with the boys and the house <i>even less</i> than usual. No advice for you, but lots of commiseration!

 

[Becky Wheeler]

<p>Whenever I've encountered this dilemma with friends, they only found a solution in someone professional telling them that it's not all about them, that there are two other people to consider now. You and the baby. Some guys just don't get it until a therapist, doctor or midwife tells them the way they're acting isn't reasonable.</p>

 

[synepona]

<p>Sometimes the solution is that the baby arrives. Men aren't pregnant -- they don't have the same 9mth 'built in' adjustment, and even the most empathetic cannot really understand what it's like to have someone completely 100% relying on you, living off your 'resources', sapping your strength & energy, constantly beating up your insides ... Some dads try, and do really well, but some just cannot 'see' how demanding pregnancy is, and do not really 'get it' until they can see the baby after it's born. Some never get it and do need an intervention from a professional or a 'BTDT' dad ... better someone that they already know & respect than your BFF's husband who you recruit to 'shake some sense' into them! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometimes, they're terrified, and denial seems the best coping strategy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Do you have any friends or people in your social circle or extended family that have toddlers? Those are the people who can often give a realistic view of newborn days, they're close enough to remember it, but not right in the middle of it.</p>

 

[dawncayden]

<p>Have you been honest with him on what your needs are?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dh works nights and has since we've had kids, so he sleeps in on a regular basis. It often gets out of hand and he starts sleeping longer and longer. Then I have a freak out and tell him I need more help, I need a massage, I need support, and he's totally helpful and apologetic for a month or so.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I find he needs reminders to help out around the house. Every night I try to ask him for a massage, just so he's used to 'giving'. I also complain to him a lot <img alt=":lol" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/lol.gif" style=""> so I guess he's used to knowing I'm uncomfortable and he needs to help because he has it pretty easy.</p>