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Discussion Starter #1
<p>I've been so busy lately I haven't really paid attention to how many days are left before STBX leaves town. We have our provisional hearing on the 6th, and then he'll be going away! The last 8 days plus tmw he's up visiting his family, so I don't have to see him, and I'm guessing he may make himself scarce for the next week as he tries to be detached from us. Either that, or his lawyer will tell him to put more effort into being near DD.</p>
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<p>But whatever - just 8 more days till he can't just walk into the house whenever he wants to!</p>
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<p>DD is snoring, so I'm gonna get back to laundry. Hope everyone is having a good long weekend, in spite of the joy-squashers in our lives.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #4
<p>Thanks! I feel nervous this morning. Today is the day he will probably get home. I hate not knowing what kind of mood he's going to be in when he gets home. Hopefully all will be calm and he won't get my counter proposal until tmw or Tuesday. Wonder if I'll ever be able to get off this roller coaster. I'm so grateful he's moving away!</p>
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<p>I wish you the best and hope that I am in your place one day. I long for the day my "joy-squasher" is out of my life, or at least out of my house.</p>
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<p>Anyway, I hope things go well for you today and that whatever you are nervous about doesn't come to pass. </p>
 

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<p>Thank you, Sahmmie. I hope you will be too. One thing I've recognized today is how much friendships mean to me now, and how much good it does my heart to be around loving caring people, especially the cheerful kind. I went to church, chatted with some friends, and went out to lunch with an older couple who were a lot of fun. It kind of insulates my heart from the crud STBX is likely to dump on me tmw. Today I've been told that I'm beautiful, intelligent, fun, and a good catch. What a huge emotional buffer that is. I hope you have some good people in your life who tell you you're worth more than what your H treats you as.</p>
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<p>STBX isn't home yet. I'm hoping he'll stay away as long as he can.</p>
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<p>Going to change a diaper and try to get back to cleaning the house with some Christmas music.</p>
 

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<p>Yeah, I could use some positive stokes too! I do have wonderful friends, and that helps a lot. Glad to hear you're doing okay and he's not home yet. Hopefully you won't have to see much of him.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #8
<p>Yay! He's still not home! I'm going to throw on my pjs, wash up and crawl into bed with some diapers and wipes (and DD). That way, if he comes home, I can just turn my light off and "play dead", and if DD wakes up wet I can change her without encountering him. One more week! Please pray he doesn't ask his command for an extension to stay here. He is totally going to flip out tmw when he gets my counter proposal, and he knows I'm gone all day on Mondays. That means I'll be coming home to an angry crazy man. I was talking to a friend and she says I ought to make him pay me the money I brought into our marriage that ended up going into fixing up the house...since I had some savings and now I have none, whereas he still has everything and more that he brought into the marriage. He also cleared out our joint bank account of a couple thousand when we reconciled last March (after he'd filed for divorce and come back). He said I owed it to him since I had cost him thousands in lawyers fees.</p>
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<p>Anyway, I better hurry and get to bed. I keep "hearing" his truck drive up and looking out the window and he's not there...driving me nuts.</p>
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<p>Sahmmie, if you ever want to chat, just PM me and send me your #. I'd be happy to call you and tell you what an awesome mom and gal you are.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #9
<p>Huh. Still no sign of him. I'm so glad I'll be gone all day. The suspense is killing me. It's no surprise, but geez what about his daughter. He's leaving in a week and doesn't seem to give a crap about seeing her or how she's doing. Oh well. More of her for me. This is going to be so helpful in court if we end up in front of a judge.</p>
 

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<p>Good luck! I hope the leaving process goes smoothly. Keep surrounding yourself with sane, positive people, and detach, detach, detach. Keep us posted.</p>
 

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<p>Hopefully this will be construed as abandonment when the custody portion of your divorce comes up.  cuz that would just be, like, to perfect right?  In the meantime, GOOD LUCK!</p>
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<p><span><img alt="grouphug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="width:41px;height:25px;"></span></p>
 

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<p>Hooray!!!  Can't wait til he's gone for good!!  :)</p>
 

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<p>Still no word from him and he hasn't come home! I don't get what his game is, but it would be great if the court sees it as abandonment. This makes 10 days that he could have spent with his daughter that he's been gone. I can't imagine how he must be rationalizing this to himself and his family.</p>
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<p>One week to go!!</p>
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<p>As crappy as I'm sure it feels, if you're dealing with the type of abusive narcissist who can just disappear -- like the proverbial guy with a wife and three kids who goes out for a gallon of milk one day and never comes home...well, that sucks. But it's a whole hell of a lot better than the type of abusive narcissist who fights tooth and nail to derail the divorce because he thinks of you as his property. I hope the divorce goes fast and easy for you.</p>
<p>If he does come home, and you feel like you're in danger, or even if he's just being horrible to be around, please remember that you can go to a friend's house or something. Be safe, okay?</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #15
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>*MamaJen*</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282050/8-more-days#post_16081128"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>As crappy as I'm sure it feels, if you're dealing with the type of abusive narcissist who can just disappear -- like the proverbial guy with a wife and three kids who goes out for a gallon of milk one day and never comes home...well, that sucks. But it's a whole hell of a lot better than the type of abusive narcissist who fights tooth and nail to derail the divorce because he thinks of you as his property. I hope the divorce goes fast and easy for you.</p>
<p>If he does come home, and you feel like you're in danger, or even if he's just being horrible to be around, please remember that you can go to a friend's house or something. Be safe, okay?</p>
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<br><br><p>Time will tell. I think he's probably the type to disappear, because I sense he sees me more as a dead weight than anything else. He probably sees DD as his property but knows that there is no way in hell that he would get primary physical custody. I've had so many health problems while we've been married that I haven't been the trophy wife he thought he was getting, which really irritates him to the point that he probably hates me.</p>
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<p>One of my good friends (a fellow Navy wife, incidentally) gave me the garage door opener to her house so I can hide out there if I ever need to. She's one of the few people who really GETS IT that he is mentally ill, abusive, and therefore potentially physically dangerous. I keep finding myself wondering if he's going to lose his last screw and kill me and/or himself if he feels like he's not winning in the divorce settlement. He hasn't done anything in the past that was super violent, but he is an "all or nothing" type person, and is obviously not mentally/emotionally stable. I hope he is just drinking himself into oblivion and coping that way.</p>
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<p>On a bright note, he's probably convinced himself and his family that I am super controlling, manipulative, deceitful, and abusive, so maybe they've all counseled him to stay the hell away from me, since he's probably told them how he can barely keep his temper under control around me. That would fit well into his superiority complex, since he would have to "rise above" my manipulation tactics. LOL</p>
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<p>The truth about how I feel is that I am so happy to be rid of him! I've only put up with his treating me like crap for as long as I couldn't physically take care of myself. It's stressful, but when he's gone, I don't feel hurt, I just feel free and alive again. Now my only concern in leaving him is financial, and I know I'm in a good community, so I am not worried about it. If my SSDI case gets approved in the next year, that will be enough to live on regardless of what he pays me.</p>
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Discussion Starter #16
<p>Oh boy, is he ridiculous!!!!!!</p>
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<p>He came home finally after sending me an email stating he plans to be home for this last week that he's in town to "spend time" with DD. He came home as I was leaving earlier, and he did interact with her a little bit, but was chatting with me and flipping through a magazine by the time I left. Um. He got some movies to watch with me. Hah. He just left to go tutor some kid in math, and told me he'll be back TOMORROW. Huh?? I asked him if that meant he was living somewhere else. "No," he said, with a twinkle in his eye, "I still live here. I just don't spend a lot of time here."</p>
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<p>UM. And I'm a unicorn. What does he think he's accomplishing? Does he not think it matters what he does? Only what he says? Is he misunderstanding what his lawyer is telling him? He does get his mail here...but the rest of his stuff is gone. Not a stitch of his clothing is here, or personal belongings.</p>
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<p>He got my counter proposal today and didn't get mad, which is a good sign, I think. He also didn't bring any alcohol into the house. He was asleep on the couch when I got home around 6pm, but I didn't smell anything on him. Well, he's been wearing cologne, so it's a little harder to tell, but I think I'd know. We watched some TV, and he held DD for about half an hour before she fussed and wanted me. He did actually say goodbye to her before he left.</p>
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<p>I'm glad he's gone for the night, though! I don't have to wonder if he'll be walking in any minute.</p>
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<p>Tmw I should be getting his next counter-proposal, I'm guessing. Wonder what he's got up his sleeve. He seemed so calm and confident today.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #17
<p>GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!</p>
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<p>He is such an UAV!!!! What the hell does he think it means to be a dad? I asked him to watch DD so I can fill out some paperwork for my disability case, as I have a medical exam tmw morning, since he wrote me that he was planning to spend time with her anyway and since he's actually here (and since I couldn't find a babysitter to come over tonight), and he had the nerve to say NO! THEN he has the NERVE to ask if I want to watch a DVD!! I said "No, I have a lot of paperwork to do, and she has been driving me nuts because she cries if I'm not holding her or playing with her, so I need someone to watch her." "No," he says. "I already have plans. Unless you want to watch some Desperate Housewives."</p>
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<p>UM. Huh?!! Just tell me! HOW does lightning NOT reach out and strike him dead on the spot? Or at least jolt him a little??? He's leaving town probably on Monday, for good, and he won't freaking play with his daughter for one little hour so I can work on getting myself financially independent. He must be absolutely soft in the head.</p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="eyesroll.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/eyesroll.gif">  That is crazy.  Maybe a few prayers to the god of lightning are in order, although it's likely he'd need more than one jolt of sense.  And what's up with wanting to watch Desperate Housewives?  I'm so glad that he will be gone soon.  And good luck on your appt tomorrow.  I am also on disability and know how intense that process can be.  </span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></p>
 

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Discussion Starter #19
<p>He got into Desperate Housewives when he was trying desperately to get me to drop the divorce back in October. I told him he had to watch it to get a clue about what women (i.e. me) want out of life. Once he started watching, he really liked it. It's the one thing we can still enjoy together. So weird. But he can't spend an hour with his daughter unless he has to be in the house anyway.</p>
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<p>I am so glad she's not going to have to deal with that kind of behavior day in and day out. I can only imagine how rejected she would feel. It's one thing to grow up with dad being busy and far away. Did I mention we met online and had a long distance relationship until he reeled me in with a quick engagement. Things were pretty good when he was far away - I mean that I felt loved. It was when I got married and moved in with him that he was instantly bored with spending time with me.</p>
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<p>Please pray our hearing ends with him leaving town on Monday. I don't think I can deal with him in and out of the house whenever he wants. This has got to stop. I asked him if he thinks we'll be able to work things out on paper, and he said he had no idea, which means no. Yay for going in front of a judge. I'm pretty sure they're going to see him for what he really is.</p>
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<p>As for the disability thing, I hope it doesn't get too stressful. I don't think I can handle anything more, and I'm really counting on this. :(</p>
 

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<p>ugh mama, this totally sucks. You only have a few more days of this. I'm praying with you that he leaves town on Monday for good.</p>
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<p><span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif" style="width:38px;height:16px;"></span></p>
 
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