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My dd will be 8 next week. She's in 2nd grade. A few months ago she asked me for a bra!
I asked her why she wanted one and she said other girls in her class have them. I was thinking surely not, as none of the kids in her class need a bra yet, at least not the ones she says have them. She wears uniform shirts, red white and blue. The white ones are somewhat see-through and I was thinking this was a modesty issue. I bought her some camis thinking that would solve her need for something with her white shirts. When I brought the camis home she was very disappointed and said she wanted a real bra.

So this week she asked me yet again. She has asked me several times between the cami purchase and now. I asked again who at school was wearing bras and she named a few girls and said they showed her their bras in the bathroom. A few days ago I was cleaning and decluttering and found a sports-bra style training bra that a girl left at our home when she spent the night last year. Dd asked if she could wear and I said sure. She has worn it to school three days this week! She really wants her own bras.

I'm wondering what to do about this. On one hand I really don't see the harm in it. On the other hand, if this is about peer pressure I don't want to participate in that. I'm just not sure what the motivation for wanting the bra really is. She admits she doesn't need one yet for support or modesty. She wants one because her friends have them and I think it makes her feel grown up. I had always imagined I would one day notice her "blooming" and take her bra shopping at that time, certainly not for a couple more years.

Can someone help me out here? What would you do in this situation? I am learning towards letting her have some bras of her own, but my other mom friends are appalled that I would do that and say no way! 2nd grade is way too early.
 

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I think there are bigger battles to fight then weather or not an 8yo wears a sports bra. To me, this is a small issue, and I would get her a couple sports-type bras.

I'm concerned about the peer pressure and the school dynamic that has students showing each other their bras in the school bathroom, though. So while I would buy a couple bras, I would also be checking in with the teacher and the school, and with other parents about creating and maintaining a healthy dynamic for girls in the school.
 

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I don't have an answer but I'm in a similar situation. My 9 yr old dd is just getting breast buds and wants a bra. Not for modesty or even other kids having them, but b/c she's read books about her body and can't wait to wear a real bra. She has a couple of camis (I went this route too) and she loves them and wears them all the time. But for Christmas she's asked for a bra. I haven't decided if I'll get it for her. I like the sports bra idea, I think that's great.
 

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I"d buy them for her, if you do Christmas put them in her stocking. It is something that she may outgrow quickly for another 1-2 years. My 10yo has some sports bras, she doesn't need them but she wears them now & then.

Out of all the peer pressure things this is one I don't mind doing as it's something they'll be wearing sooner than later anyhow & if it helps ease their minds about it, not make them feel so self conscious & open the talks about their bodies & sex I'll take it.

Of course I was in grade 6 & not wearing a bra 1 day to wearing a 32B the next, ended up with the largest breasts in my grade(and one of the largest in our highschool which was 7-12), was the 2nd girl to get AF & that was also in grade 6.
 

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Both of my girls have wanted bras at various times and they are 7 & 4. I say go with the sports bras. I have gotten both of my girls sports type bras/under-roo type things. I don't see the harm in it at all. My girls don't have peer pressure from school but they want them so they can be like mom. I am sure that your daughter has seen your bras before. I think it is perfectly healthy and normal for a kid to want to start growing up. Don't make it into a battle. My mom was a bra monster and somehow managed to shame us.
 

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This would be an issue where I personally would put my foot down. Sexualizing little second grade girls this young is just plain wrong in my opinion. I wouldn't want my second grader to "feel grown-up" in that way.

I would explain that I understand why she wants one and that it's hard not to have something other girls do, but that in our family we don't believe in putting little girls in young women's underwear that they don't need. Obviously others feel like there are bigger battles and wouldn't choose to die on this particular hill. But I would.
 

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This would be an issue where I personally would put my foot down. Sexualizing little second grade girls this young is just plain wrong in my opinion. I wouldn't want my second grader to "feel grown-up" in that way.

I would explain that I understand why she wants one and that it's hard not to have something other girls do, but that in our family we don't believe in putting little girls in young women's underwear that they don't need. Obviously others feel like there are bigger battles and wouldn't choose to die on this particular hill. But I would.
 

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I would let her have one. I still remember trying to discretely change my shirt in gym in 6th grade, hoping nobody would notice I didn't wear a bra. Most of the other girls had bras and I didn't. I can't recall if I really needed one at the time or not. I was much too shy to actually ask my mom, but paid (yes paid) my sister to drop hints to my mom. I prayed for every gift giving occasion (valentines, birthday, xmas, etc) that I would get a bra. For me, it was nothing sexual at all, just wanting to feel grown up. Similar to playing dressup with my mom's heals in early elementary.

I was also picked on quite a bit and always hoped it would help. Of course it didn't, but I at least knew I had done what I could.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
This would be an issue where I personally would put my foot down. Sexualizing little second grade girls this young is just plain wrong in my opinion. I wouldn't want my second grader to "feel grown-up" in that way.

I would explain that I understand why she wants one and that it's hard not to have something other girls do, but that in our family we don't believe in putting little girls in young women's underwear that they don't need. Obviously others feel like there are bigger battles and wouldn't choose to die on this particular hill. But I would.
I guess I don't understand how wearing a bra is sexualizing a child. In our house, breasts are just another body part. My girls see the breasts as a way of nourishing a child since they were all breastfed and have seen their siblings breastfed. There are plenty of sports bras out there that are very appropriate for a young girl. I guess I just don't understand your point of view. I find it disturbing that letting a kid wear a bra is sexualizing them. I guess that is part of the reason that I felt so much shame as a kid. Certain things, like bras and body parts, were sexualized rather than just being a body part or an article of clothing.
 

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I was shocked when the 4 year old down the street showed me her bra the other day. Yes, they do make bras for 4-year-olds. They look just like a bra (not like a sports bra) only of course they are flat with no cup.

Apparently most the girls in her preschool class have them


I guess its the new phase.

I'd get her one if she really wants one. Not permitting it gives it too much power. It doesn't seem to be sexualizing, at least not at these ages.
 

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I clearly remember being teased for not yet wearing bras when the other girls had started. My mom got me some and then I was teased for wearing a bra when I didn't need one. You can't win..but I'm glad my mom didn't object.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
This would be an issue where I personally would put my foot down. Sexualizing little second grade girls this young is just plain wrong in my opinion. I wouldn't want my second grader to "feel grown-up" in that way.

I would explain that I understand why she wants one and that it's hard not to have something other girls do, but that in our family we don't believe in putting little girls in young women's underwear that they don't need. Obviously others feel like there are bigger battles and wouldn't choose to die on this particular hill. But I would.
I'm usually on the side of protecting kids from teasing whenever humanly possible.

However, I have to agree with zinemama here. At what age are we going to say enough is enough - let our kids be kids?

There are girls in my dd's SK class (so ages five and six) who have 'bras' (in quotes because they are not REAL bras) and I think it's disgusting.

Now five and six is younger than eight, but still, I think it's horrible.
 

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How in the world is a bra sexualizing anything? Especially a sports bra, they're nothing more than a short cami. Even moreso for an 8yo when there are 8 & 9yo's getting AF. My 10yo started getting pubic hair before she turned 9. She was in Grade 4, there were kids in her class who had AF.

Letting your kids be kids is fine, but you also need to recognize when they're growing up & in the moments when they want to act older to let them. It is momentary & passes.
 

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I don't think bras are sexual and it wouldn't bother me to get a child a bra before she needed one. Don't they still make "trainer bras" just for that purpose? I was a late bloomer and I was glad for those because they made me look less silly when getting dressed for gym. Anyway, if my daughter wants a bra at 8, I'll just get her one. It's just underclothing.

Edited to add that I won't shop at Victoria's Secret or anything. I'll get a plain, functional looking, sports bra type thing.
 

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I bought my DD a couple bra and underwear sets in her size (8). The bra is more of a halter-sports bra type with tinkerbell undies to match. It is very little girlish, more like a short undershirt, yk?

If she was asking for a lacy padded bra and g-string, I would have said no. But what I bought fulfilled her want for a bra. She only wears one every so often, when she wears the matching underwear.
 

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I remember asking my mom for a bra when I was 9. She laughed and said I had nothing to put in it
but she bought me a couple of horrible training bras anyway. I think I wore them for about a week and then they sat in my dresser drawer until grade 6.

DSD has a few of those thin cotton bras - they're kind of like a sports bra but really there's nothing to them, they're so thin. But they come with cute printed patterns, much more fun than the one beige, one white itchy training bras I had. Her mom thinks they will help with the sore nipples she's getting as she starts to develop... which I doubt, but if she wants to wear them it's fine with me!
 

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OMG. i can sooooooo relate. i was ur kid. and my mom bought me the bra.

oh i cant tell you how proud i was. i still remember that moment. i went and showed off to my favourite people. oh it was wonderful.

my dd is 6. she totally wants to be so much like me. she wanted a bra just like mommy. she loved it. bought some of those camisole kinda thingys and then found bras at a dollar store. my dd was in heaven. made a big deal out of it for about a month. and now they sit in a corner in her drawer.

i think i did the same thing. i can tottally describe the details of my first bra. once the novelty wore off i was done with them.

about peer pressure. for me some things are ok - even if it is peer pressure. not all of peer pressure is bad.

another thing to note too is ur child's personality. for me - though hse is only 6 - no makes it a bigger issue. i can thougth relate to the peer pressure thing. i recall one thing from my youth though. peer pressure is healthy. i recall understanding the pressure when i did it to ape them and found i didnt really like it at all. so when my parents allowed me to make the decision it actaully ultimately took the peer presssure off of me. kwim. while others were drinking and smoking - whether they liked it or not, i just wasnt interested in it at all. i had discovered all that they hold 'holy' werent 'holy' in my books.
 
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