First of all, I do NOT want this turned into a fiery debate... please. I am looking for advice.
Ds met up with two friends at one of thier houses down the street yesterday. He was there for two hours. These kids are in his grade. When he came home he told me that they were talking about what it would be like to smoke grass. I am not sure if he knew what "grass" meant. I think he may have but I told him anyway. He said that one of the other boys has admitted that he smokes cigars.I am assuming this to mean that the boy sneaks some from his father and tries them every now and again. Not sure. He told me not to tell his friend that he told me about it. I am very disturbed. I know they are not doing it, but they are obviously curious about what it would feel like to be high. I am also very glad my son was comfortable to come tell me about this conversation. My problem is this.
I told him that I was not sure that I liked the idea of him hanging with these kids anymore. HE told me that they are his only friends and he needs to keep his friends. That is the problem. He does not have many friends. He has social issues and it is hard for him to get friends. He has this nose picking habit for one, that I am working on with him. He also has a smart mouth and talks before thinking. I try to work with him on that too. He sometimes says things and does not really know what they mean.
I feel like I should talk to the moms of these boys, but what do I say to them? Also, I do not want him to lose his friends that he worked hard to make, but I also do not want him running with the wrong crowd and doing things they do to fit in because they are the only group that accepts him. DH and I were both in the situation. So we do know how important it is to feel accepted in school, and we know the pain of rejection and what it is like to do things to fit in with the group. DH even has an alcohol problem. We want better for our boy, but he seems to have alot of the little quirks and characteristics we had as children that made it so hard for us to make friends well. I was shy and very socially awkward. As was dh. I still have trouble finding the right words in many social situations. He is low in the confidence department, I do tno even know waht I can do to boost that. I think my dh's attitude over how boys should behave has alot to do with it. But he will not change. I have even thought a divorce(marital strife in this house big time) would do my boy good. He has often expressed that he thinks his dad is lazy and good for nothing(he often has to watch dd when I am at work on Sundays and dh is playing video games). Dh is often critical. I can hardly beleive he was ever a young boy. I try my best, but ds is getting to where he likes privacy and he is hard to get to open up about things, plus I do not think like a preteen boy and had no brothers growing up with me. My older brother lived with his mom so we only saw him in the summer. And my younger brother is 13 years younger than me. I can't ask for his assistance as he has experimented and probably still does. He would not see this as a big issue.
Sorry this got to be so long. I am sure your eyes are glazed over by now. Lol.
Ds met up with two friends at one of thier houses down the street yesterday. He was there for two hours. These kids are in his grade. When he came home he told me that they were talking about what it would be like to smoke grass. I am not sure if he knew what "grass" meant. I think he may have but I told him anyway. He said that one of the other boys has admitted that he smokes cigars.I am assuming this to mean that the boy sneaks some from his father and tries them every now and again. Not sure. He told me not to tell his friend that he told me about it. I am very disturbed. I know they are not doing it, but they are obviously curious about what it would feel like to be high. I am also very glad my son was comfortable to come tell me about this conversation. My problem is this.
I told him that I was not sure that I liked the idea of him hanging with these kids anymore. HE told me that they are his only friends and he needs to keep his friends. That is the problem. He does not have many friends. He has social issues and it is hard for him to get friends. He has this nose picking habit for one, that I am working on with him. He also has a smart mouth and talks before thinking. I try to work with him on that too. He sometimes says things and does not really know what they mean.
I feel like I should talk to the moms of these boys, but what do I say to them? Also, I do not want him to lose his friends that he worked hard to make, but I also do not want him running with the wrong crowd and doing things they do to fit in because they are the only group that accepts him. DH and I were both in the situation. So we do know how important it is to feel accepted in school, and we know the pain of rejection and what it is like to do things to fit in with the group. DH even has an alcohol problem. We want better for our boy, but he seems to have alot of the little quirks and characteristics we had as children that made it so hard for us to make friends well. I was shy and very socially awkward. As was dh. I still have trouble finding the right words in many social situations. He is low in the confidence department, I do tno even know waht I can do to boost that. I think my dh's attitude over how boys should behave has alot to do with it. But he will not change. I have even thought a divorce(marital strife in this house big time) would do my boy good. He has often expressed that he thinks his dad is lazy and good for nothing(he often has to watch dd when I am at work on Sundays and dh is playing video games). Dh is often critical. I can hardly beleive he was ever a young boy. I try my best, but ds is getting to where he likes privacy and he is hard to get to open up about things, plus I do not think like a preteen boy and had no brothers growing up with me. My older brother lived with his mom so we only saw him in the summer. And my younger brother is 13 years younger than me. I can't ask for his assistance as he has experimented and probably still does. He would not see this as a big issue.
Sorry this got to be so long. I am sure your eyes are glazed over by now. Lol.
