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<p>My 9 yo DD has to read a book and answer questions about it for next Thursday.  Every time I ask and/or tell her to work on it she asks how long until it's due.  Well she still has 6 days but those 6 days are full of other things.  Do I keep on bringing it up or let her manage it?  When did you leave that stuff to your kids?  TIA.</p>
 

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<p>I'm sure some 9 yo know how to budget out their time, but I'm sure a lot don't. Maybe you could sit down with the calendar and go over what events you have and help her work out some kind of schedule for the next 6 days? Like say she'll read chapters 1 - 4 today, 5- 7 tomorrow, etc. She could make up a checklist to check off each day's work as she did it or something to help keep her on track.</p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="goldfish.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/goldfish.gif"> ooops.</span></p>
 

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<p>Leaving it up to her won't do any good if she doesn't know how to budget her time. Does she have a daily planner? For myself, at the beginning of each semester I write down all the firm due dates in my courses, then pencil in a plan of reading chapters and doing assignments. Ds' school starts getting complicated scheduling-wise in 3rd grade and I know he'll need a planner by then.</p>
 

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<p>I have a 9 year old and have to say that he wouldn't be able to complete that assignment without of help from me in terms of breaking it down into smaller steps. In fact, his reading group teacher (an accelerated reading group with a teacher experienced at teaching up to 8th grade) gives them specific chapters every day to read. Each student was also given a planner this year (4th grade) and they're practicing writing down daily what they need to do.</p>
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<p>So, I would sit down with a calendar and have <em>her</em> list the activities and the times they'll take. Then find a time for her to read the book and have her write it down.</p>
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<p>One thing that works well for our kids is that we've built their reading time into the bedtime routine. They have to do 20-30 minutes of reading a day for school (we have reading logs to sign). So, they read for 10 minutes (dd) or 20 minutes (ds) and then we read a chapter out loud to them (this is a carry over from bedtime stories when they were small, and they both absolutely insist on it, even though they're good independent readers). They usually then continue reading for 15-20 minutes before they fall asleep. So, they probably get more than their required amounts, but we don't time them exactly except for the initial amount. This reading time makes a really good way for them to calm down before bedtime.</p>
 

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<p> </p>
My kids didn't start school until they were 10 & 12. They were immediately responsible for their homework, though I was available to help/sit near them while the did it/ect.<br><br>
The one thing I didn't do was nag. They had to come up with the motivation on their own (or deal with the consequences on their own) I think it's far better to learn this at 9 or 10 when the consequences don't really mean anything than to take responsibility for them now and let them get to an age when the consequences really do matter without having learned to do their work.<br><br>
In others words, you dd might learn more by messing this up by herself than by doing it perfectly with you helping her.
 

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<p>My dd knows if she does not do her work by the due date the teacher will make her do it during recess.She always completes the work on time without me reminding or nagging her.What is the punishment at your dd's school?</p>
 

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<p>Budgeting time and anticipating the time required for a large project is a skill that requires teaching (for most) and practice.  Of my university-level students, I'd say only about half have these skills well in hand, and as such, I find myself teaching this to my 18-24 year old students.  I would certainly not expect my child to be able to do this, particularly if she hasn't been asked to do something like this before.</p>
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<p>I would be surprised, however, if the time management of this project had not been discussed by the teacher.  I'm finding that at least in our school district, a lot of these skills are being taught explicitly.  But even then, I'm finding that DD needs the message reinforced at home independently.</p>
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<p>I'm still waiting on a copy of <em>Smart but Scattered</em> by Dawson and Guare from our library (there's a long line...) that addresses these "executive function skills" as something to be <em>taught</em> that does not come naturally to many kids. </p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Geofizz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291617/9-yo-dd-and-school-work#post_16192171"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Budgeting time and anticipating the time required for a large project is a skill that requires teaching (for most) and practice.  Of my university-level students, I'd say only about half have these skills well in hand, and as such, I find myself teaching this to my 18-24 year old students.</p>
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<p>....I would be surprised, however, if the time management of this project had not been discussed by the teacher.</p>
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But this is EXACTLY why I let my kids take responsibility for themselves!  I can help, I can provide support, but there is a line where the parent is taking responsibility for making sure it gets done, and when they do that, they keep their child from learning to do it themselves.</p>
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<p>I'd so much rather my child figure this out at age 10 than when in college. At age 10, they have one teacher, so only one project as a time, they have few extra curricular activities (and those tend to understand that school work comes first), and they have very little social life. It's only going to get more complex.</p>
 

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<p>To us home work is like any other extracurricular activity. It is scheduled, planned for and is not missed with rare exception.  However that is where my responsibility stops. Personally I don't believe in homework so he either does it or not. His choice. But I do make sure he has the time available to do it and the tools needed to be successful.</p>
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<p>Our son and I set a weekly/monthly calendar.  On its goes his TKD classes, hockey games, any other app'ts (Dr, dentist, play dates, etc) Homework time is scheduled right along with the other app'ts. In the same way he wouldn't skip a hockey game he doesn't skip homework time. If there is big project due we discuss how to break it down into reasonable chunks and that goes on teh schedule too.</p>
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<p>He has a homework space and he has a "homework box" where he keeps whatever he might need-rulers, pens/pencils, calculator, paper etc. There is a good light and lots of space. I make a point of being close by during homework time to answer questions or assist if he needs/wants. But it is *his* homework and not mine. </p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Linda on the move</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291617/9-yo-dd-and-school-work#post_16192502"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Geofizz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291617/9-yo-dd-and-school-work#post_16192171"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Budgeting time and anticipating the time required for a large project is a skill that requires teaching (for most) and practice.  Of my university-level students, I'd say only about half have these skills well in hand, and as such, I find myself teaching this to my 18-24 year old students.</p>
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<p>....I would be surprised, however, if the time management of this project had not been discussed by the teacher.</p>
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But this is EXACTLY why I let my kids take responsibility for themselves!  I can help, I can provide support, but there is a line where the parent is taking responsibility for making sure it gets done, and when they do that, they keep their child from learning to do it themselves.</p>
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<p>I'd so much rather my child figure this out at age 10 than when in college. At age 10, they have one teacher, so only one project as a time, they have few extra curricular activities (and those tend to understand that school work comes first), and they have very little social life. It's only going to get more complex.</p>
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<p>I'm with you:  I'd prefer my children learn this at 10 than at 20.  Some kids can be set up to take responsibility for it themselves and learn from the experience of hitting bumps and falling down a bit.  I know my child well enough that doing this would simply be setting her up for failure, and her personality is such that she would learn little from the experience except maybe that she can't do it.  Some skills simply need to be taught to some children.  I do not think that <em>all</em> kids can do this by simply being told that it's their responsibility.  Teaching this skills does not mean the same thing as taking responsibility for the project as the parent.  Teaching skills of time management and project planning means working with the child to teach the skills so that the child is able to take responsibility for it. </p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Geofizz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291617/9-yo-dd-and-school-work#post_16192709"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> Teaching this skills does not mean the same thing as taking responsibility for the project as the parent.  Teaching skills of time management and project planning means working with the child to teach the skills so that the child is able to take responsibility for it. 
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<p>I totally agree. Talking about time management and project planning is part of my "support package" to my kids. I feel like what I do is give them the tools, but leave the responsibility up to them.</p>
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<p>The OP'er said << Every time I ask and/or tell her to work on it she asks how long until it's due.  Well she still has 6 days but those 6 days are full of other things.  Do I keep on bringing it up or let her manage it?>></p>
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<p>The mom has brought it up, explained, and is now just nagging.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Linda on the move</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291617/9-yo-dd-and-school-work#post_16189463"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><p>The one thing I didn't do was nag. They had to come up with the motivation on their own (or deal with the consequences on their own) I think it's far better to learn this at 9 or 10 when the consequences don't really mean anything than to take responsibility for them now and let them get to an age when the consequences really do matter without having learned to do their work.<br><br>
In others words, you dd might learn more by messing this up by herself than by doing it perfectly with you helping her.</p>
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That's what I'd do.  My son's almost 9 and we give him a set time to do any homework and it's up to him.  This time is when I'm cooking dinner so I'm right there and available to help, but he does it.<br>
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 </p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Linda on the move</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291617/9-yo-dd-and-school-work#post_16192830"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Geofizz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291617/9-yo-dd-and-school-work#post_16192709"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> Teaching this skills does not mean the same thing as taking responsibility for the project as the parent.  Teaching skills of time management and project planning means working with the child to teach the skills so that the child is able to take responsibility for it. 
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<p>I totally agree. Talking about time management and project planning is part of my "support package" to my kids. I feel like what I do is give them the tools, but leave the responsibility up to them.</p>
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<p>The OP'er said << Every time I ask and/or tell her to work on it she asks how long until it's due.  Well she still has 6 days but those 6 days are full of other things.  Do I keep on bringing it up or let her manage it?>></p>
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<p>The mom has brought it up, explained, and is now just nagging.</p>
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Ahhh, we read the OP differently, then.  ;) </p>
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<p><< Every time I ask and/or tell her to work on it she asks how long until it's due.  Well she still has 6 days but those 6 days are full of other things.  Do I keep on bringing it up or let her manage it?>></p>
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<p>I interpret this as nagging as well.  But I also interpret the child's reaction as not really knowing how long the project will take and not realizing that there are additional time constraints.</p>
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<p>In my house it would look like:</p>
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<p>"Wow, this is a really interesting project.  You have a long book to read, and when you're done you need to write about it, right?  ....<listen> .... Hmmmm, you've got a week to get it done.  How do you think you're going to get it done in time?  ..... <listen> .....  Well, remember you need to make time for flute practice and yoga class, plus over the weekend we we're planning to go to the zoo. ... <discuss/listen> ....  I wonder if we could work backwards from when it's due.  How long do you think answer these questions will take?  Hmmm, so maybe you should spread that out over two days.  Let's write that in your planner.  Now, if the book needs to be done two days before hand, when do you need to start reading?  Hmmm, yeah, I think you're right that you can get it done if you read 2 chapters a night.  Why don't you work out which chapters you should read which nights and write those in your planner."</p>
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<p>Then, and only then, would I leave it be, because I know that DD already has the skills to look in the planner daily.  Looking in the planner, by the way, was another skill that needed to be taught and learned. ;)</p>
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<p>I would also expect that the conversation would be significantly reduced the second time such an assignment came home with DD more in the lead, weaning off to nothing after a few such assignments.</p>
 

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<p><br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Geofizz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291617/9-yo-dd-and-school-work#post_16193761"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br>
Looking in the planner, by the way, was another skill that needed to be taught and learned. ;)
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ROFL. that was one really great thing about the public  elementary school my kids went to. Every child was issued a planner by the school. Every teacher checked the child's planner at the end of the day, and every parent had to initial the planner every night. I'm not sure what grade this started in -- my DD started there in grade 5. It was GREAT for her. She learned to use her planner at school and look in it every night. What a wonderful life skill.</p>
 
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