[rebeccalizzie]

I co slept with DD when she was a baby, up until she was about 4 or so...we didn't officially stop, it just tapered off. She goes to bed much earlier than I do. Lately, she's been learning more about family beds, since her friend's family all sleep together. So she wants us to co sleep again.

I would be fine with this (heck, I would love it) except that our bed is a queen, and much too small for all three of us. DD is a big kid, and she tosses and turns a lot. The times we've all three slept together, I end up moving her to her own bed later. We can't fit another bed, a twin pushed against the bed, or a king sized bed, and we can't afford a new bed anyway even if we could fit it. Our bedroom is small.

Also, DH is not her biological father, and he feels "weird" having all of us together--he says he knows it's stupid for him to feel like that, but it feels close to incestuous for him. He doesn't even like to have his shirt off around DD (or anyone else except me--he's funny about that). So he'd have to sleep fully clothed, and doesn't like doing that. I feel like I should honor his feelings too, and he's really not comfortable with the idea.

I asked if she would want to sleep on our floor next to us, and she said no, it wasn't the same. The only compromise so far is that on Fridays I let her go to sleep in our bed and then I move her to her own bed when DH and I go to bed. Even that is going to have to end soon--I'm not going to be able to carry her much longer, and I can't seem to wake her enough to get her to walk to bed.

WWYD?

 

[swedemom]

well i dont have any first hand mamma advice, but i do remeber this as a child. I loved sleeping with my parents (read my mom) it was cozy, she told us stories before we fell asleep, and i never woke up scared. but i knew it wasnt ok with my dad, he had a more, kids should be seen not heard approach. so when was away, working, we got to sleep in moms bed, it was the best treat, something to look forward to. all other nights they did the walking out to my own bedroom when they went to bed. this continued untill.....i left for college

hehehe
maybe she will get used to being walked into the new room....or you both can lift her together?
im sure that didnt help....just to say, i think its normal to want to sleep with your parents, and i wasnt too torn about the fact that it was a mommy and me activity only.

 

[rebeccalizzie]

Thanks Nancy. I don't mind that she wants to sleep with us, I think it's neat. I just feel badly that I really can't let her do it that often. I'm glad that you were able to be happy with the "sleep with mom as a special treat" thing, that makes me feel better since that's what we do

It would be nice if she could get used to being walked to her room. DH has back problems, so he really hates carrying her unless he has to--he's thrown out his back lifting things that weigh less than she does. I do find it funny though--I'm small and not terribly strong, and *I'm* the one carrying our 70 lb daughter to bed at night!

 

[Alkenny]

We coslept with our older two until they were 4 and 6. (We moved, they got bunkbeds and it was the novelty that transitioned them.) They still come to our room occassionally, most of the time sleeping on the floor.

DH is working 3rd shift, so it's not that big of a deal and DD ended up in bed with me and the babe the other night (she's almost 13). No biggy.

I think that you have to take your husband's feelings into consideration here too, it's not like it's something you did all along. Compromise with the occasional sleep, let her fall asleep in your bed and walk her to her own, or maybe lay down with her in her bed until she falls off would be good compromises.

I think at 9, you should be able to explain to her that it's just too cramped and what does SHE think you should do to compromise.

Good luck!

 

[grace's voice]

First of all, I think it's really sweet that she wants to sleep with you guys

Brings me back to the days when I used to sleep with my grandmother (who raised me). I'm don't think I stopped that until I was at least 16. I like the idea of you going to her bed till she falls asleep, of course not sure how she would feel about it since she seems super in to doing it gung-ho style. My dh is not my dds biological father either, but for some reason it's just not uncomfortable for either of them, everyone is different.

One suggestion...
In our family we have "friday night sleepout." We all camp out in the living room together... we have an air mattress to save our backs. Juels usually sleeps in her little tent. But I was thinking maybe that would pacify her. If dh is uncomfortable he can sleep in bed... you can too. Get up before her and she'll probably never even know. You wouldn't have to worry about moving her at least. Plus, you get in some good family movie and popcorn time.

 

[rebeccalizzie]

Good ideas. I'm going to talk to her tonight and see what she thinks. I don't mind camping out in the living room once a week, but honestly it would just replace what we are already doing on Fridays, which she likes. I think I need to figure out how to get her from my bed to hers on Friday nights--if I can wake her enough to lead her to bed, she can still fall asleep in ours. Her bed is too small for her and I together, it's a twin.

I feel so bad...mostly because I would *love* to have her in bed with us again full time, but it just isn't going to work out. There is nothing like snuggling with a great big 9 year old in the morning when she is all sleepy and cute!

Thanks