Maybe "She prefers to be held by people that she knows well." If it's much younger or much older people that you know well, maybe you could request that they hold her while sitting down and be close by to supervise. My nana always held my boys sitting down and never minded. In fact, she was the one to suggest it.
I totally understand your concern for your baby and the feeling you get when it's asked again and again. who really wants their baby exposed to all those germs and I guess after a while it gets old. let me tell you that one way in which i taught myself to mellow out about it was to accept the beautiful fact that babies are a precious gift to the world. not just you---even if they came to you, but people really connect to the newness and hope and miracle that all babies are and they just want to be closer to it.
:binky :binky :binky :bf :bf :bf
hope sometimes you can remember this and not let it get to you all the time.
Its true that babies bring out tenderness in folks but I definitely have felt protective against strangers who asked to hold my infants and toddlers??? I think people sometimes forget that a baby, even a walking baby, is a person who may or may not want to be held by the stranger with the request. "He/she isn't feeling well" or "isn't himself/herself" or "is in a different mood today" has worked for me. I always ask myself, would I want to be held by this person. I love people, but I do not want everyone or just anyone to hold me.
I agree with lauraess. I dont want to raise my kids to be fearful, secluded, or hostile about interacting with others who share this world with her.
she is social herself, and enjoys being with others. sometimes, i have to hand her to people who look like they want to hold her but dont ask...maybe because they are afraid i will say no???? how sad. if veronica is clearly needing me right then, its a given she is staying in my arms...but why would i deprive her from receiving joy from people other than me??? it takes a village. not everyone is out to kidnap, infect, or inflict harm our kids.
if its a kid that wants her, i tell them to look sharp cuz she jumps and jives and could wiggle away, and stay close till it seems they have control over the situation....
dd was born in mid-winter, so we used the whole, "It's cold and flu season right now, and she's very little...we'd rather not pass her around very much. Thanks for understanding." (With friends and family, we asked everyone to wash their hands well before holding her. ) We got a few snarky looks, but we got used to saying no.
doesn't happen to us much anymore but all the time when dd was littler. One time at a restaurant the waitress "asked" about 6 times! I put "asked" in quotes because what she really said was "let me hold her" while trying to grab her. nope!!!
what i said then, and to the acquaintance at a party who smelled all boozy, and other times was "oh, she's fine", with an oblivious look on my face. No explanations neccessary, in my opinion.
(it was harder when dp's mom wanted to hold her while she was wanting me...but that's an entirely different story!!!)
I generally let people hold her when they ask, unless they creep me out for some reason. People love babies and I see no reason to keep her to myself unless she does not want to go to them, but usually she's up for making a new friend.
edited to say: But if she comes back to me smelling too strongly like someone else, I have to give her a bath!
The only person who has bugged me about wanting to hold ds so far is when MIL wanted to hold him when I was changing him and he was *screaming* his head off because he wanted to eat... she said "Awww let me hold him naked!" while he's crying and gasping for food (I had to change him before giving him a boobie because he had a major blow out). I just looked at her and said "He's hungry" finished changing his diaper and throwing on a onesie, and fed him. I couldn't understand why she'd want to hold him and keep him from eatting when he was freaking out over it... (I had mentioned as I was changing him that he was crying cuz he was hungry).
But I bet I'll have more experiences with strangers as he gets older...
i understand ppl love babies really i do it feels so strange to me the feeling i get inside when i really really dont want anyone to ask me to hold her...it's so weird...
with my friends i have no problem adn family too but it's just 'strangers' even if they are ppl i *see* often but dont really know..
i dont know what it is..i'm very very protective of her and even when i see others' children i ask how old what's his/her name etc. but i dont ask to hold them cuz i just feel the mom might feel like shewants to protect her or snuggle with her and i'm taking that away even if its' just for a moment..
plus so far in my expeirence ppl think it's hilarious for some reaosn to make her cry...they say they think it's so cute to see a baby cry..well thank u very much, it's not cute to have to soothe them after u scared/hurt them...
Well, it's not germs or even distrust of people - I just don't like to let people hold my baby. I don't mean relatives or a few close friends - I can deal with that, and even enjoy it sometimes (but not all the time...). I guess that it will take me awhile longer to get over the fact that I used to be the only one who could feel this baby, and I carried him all the time, 10 months long. This was and is a very intimate relationship, and I just don't feel ready to give it up yet. Which it seems like I would be doing by letting him out of my arms to people I don't know very, very well. I mean, I understand that he is out in the world now and that someday I'll have to let him go off and be without me - and that it will be good for him to interact with lots of different people and learn trust - but right now it feels weird to me to relinquish his little body to other people's arms. Part of it is how much painful love I feel for him, and the other part is how responsible I feel for him.
I know, I know: Everyone tells me that these are "first baby" feelings. And that some day I'll be grateful to anyone who wants to hold my baby! Well, I'm not there yet.
from all the responses so far it does seem to be that the mothering instinct again is strong and alive here to protect the child. AS long as we can honor that and not feel silly or "over-protective" and yet let it go when it is "safe" (moms total judgement call) -than we can go on knowing that our job is not idle and also deeply rooted in the intuitive and instinctual process that is life. how wonderful!
Originally posted by melixxa I know, I know: Everyone tells me that these are "first baby" feelings. And that some day I'll be grateful to anyone who wants to hold my baby! Well, I'm not there yet.
I don't think it's necessarily a first baby thing.. i find i'm much more protective of my 2nd child than i was of my first. Kaeden (1st child) loved going to other people, and i didn't mind them having him, as long as he didn't need to nurse. With Ellia (2nd child), I find I can't stand anyone trying to hold her at all! I agree that it's a very intimate relationship, and I don't feel ready to "share" her yet.
Plus, she has a snuffy nose right now, because people who are sick will try to snatch her away from me!
I just keep her in the sling most of the time, that keeps prying hands away.
I don't mind that they ask, as long as they can take no for an answer. I have confidence in most of my friends, but I don't want to pass my baby around when we're in a big crowd. I said as much to one friend, and she said, "Well, why not?"
I was taken aback, and snapped, "Because he's my baby, he's not a doll!" (We were in a huge crowd, it was during services on the high holidays!)
I really don't mind most people I know holding him, and in good and quiet conditions, I let them. He's a social baby though, and these are all people I've seen do well with babies before.
Don't feel bad about protecting your child from people you don't trust. You are the mom. If they say, "It's just because it's your first baby" or "you are overprotective" tell them they are right! They can always flirt with your baby while she in safe in your arms, my son likes that best.
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.