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I found out a few days ago that my husband was cheating on me and he's been cheating for a goood part of our marriage. Right now I fell so lOst anD betrayed I dont know why I had children whith this man, right now I think made a mistake having chidren at all in this horrible world full of pain, I'm just so hurt, wish I could take everything back, of course I love my girls and if it werent for them I have no reason to fight for, but really I'm so in a low point right now I need all your good thoughts I barely can bring myself to tYpe this and now I have to tell all my family why we are separating THIS IS NOT HOW ITS SUPOSSED TO BE.
 

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Oh! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Momma!!! I'm so sorry for this happening to you. I wish there was something I could say to make it better. I will definately be sending good thoughts in your direction.
 

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I'm so sorry.<br><br>
I found out a year and a half ago that my husband had been cheating on me. It was awful.<br><br>
We're working through it via marital counseling and things are much better, though I'm not sure the trust will every be the same. The point is, though, that your marriage can be saved if *both* of you want it and if your husband is willing to take responsibility for his actions, make amends, and work with you to regain your trust. If he's not willing or able to do that, there's not much hope.<br><br><a href="http://www.survivinginfidelity.com" target="_blank">www.survivinginfidelity.com</a><br><br>
It helped me *so* very much. Please take a look at it.<br><br>
Hang in there and post as often as necessary. A lot of us have been where you are now.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
i don't have any advice, but didn't want to read w/o responding.<br><br>
listen to your heart. you'll know what to do.
 

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*huge hugs* I am so sorry Sweetheart. That is so sad to hear. You deserve so much better than this.<br><br>
Please remember that this is not your fault. People can be very deceptive, your not realizing that he was capable of this is not a flaw on your part. I say that because of the way you phrased your post. Know that his actions are HIS fault. I hope you will find the very best way through this to peace.<br><br>
Bright Blessings.
 

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I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to offer support. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I feel so silly now i dont usually vent on the net or IRL but oh well but the last 24 hours were the more strefull sleep deprived time in my life I just got the results of the std HIV test and everything is good I was already thinking on too many what ifs since my husband cheated with many partners participated in orgies and even slept with men all of this with people he met online some times i hate the internet but today is a better day now just need to move forward thank you for your good thoughts.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> Mama! Thinking of you and your girls.
 

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I am so sorry. I am going through some of your emotions as well. It is a "roller coaster" isn't it. Please know I am sending healing thoughts your way.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself and remember that the pain will eventually fade.
 

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I'm sorry. Nothing to add but wanted to give you support.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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So sorry this is happening to you.<br><br>
Know that you are a strong women even if sometimes you might think otherwise. You will get through this<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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take it one day at a time. The sun will rise tomorrow. That is what I had to tell myself when I was in a similar situation.<br><br><br>
Take it one day at a time, and the hardest part to accept is to move on. Just move on and away and it will get better for you.... I promise.<br><br><br>
I found that writing things down helped for me.... Don't go back and read them though, just write them and burn them or write them and store them away, never go back and read them because you will bring back the feelings you are writing away.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>DariusMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7946165"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm so sorry.<br><br>
I found out a year and a half ago that my husband had been cheating on me. It was awful.<br><br>
We're working through it via marital counseling and things are much better, though I'm not sure the trust will every be the same. The point is, though, that your marriage can be saved if *both* of you want it and if your husband is willing to take responsibility for his actions, make amends, and work with you to regain your trust. If he's not willing or able to do that, there's not much hope.<br><br><a href="http://www.survivinginfidelity.com" target="_blank">www.survivinginfidelity.com</a><br><br>
It helped me *so* very much. Please take a look at it.<br><br>
Hang in there and post as often as necessary. A lot of us have been where you are now.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Ditto to everything she said.<br><br><b>GO TO SURVIVINGINFIDELITY.COM</b><br><br>
It's a sanity saver, whatever you decide to do.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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Hi mama, first, HUGS! I'm so sorry to hear what you've been subjected to...honestly, infidelity is a huge emotional abuse in my book, it hurts you to your core, disrupts your faith in yourself, life, relationships, and takes a long time to get passed. I've been there and back (and no way could we recover from it...my ex never even acknowledged that there was something wrong with his actions).<br><br>
First, seek counseling! It's so helpful to have a safe place to talk, cry, vent, explore normalcy again. To have both your feelings and reactions verified, to have his actions examined for what they are: his own problems. That is not to say it doesn't have a huge impact on you, it does, but the amazingly wonderful thing about affairs, when you get over the shock, the anger, frustration, basically all the stages of grief, is that it's totally on him. Nothing compelled his actions but his own issues. I actually was able to find a lot of peace in that.<br><br>
Finally...there is life after a marriage fails. It hurts, it's hard to think about now, but one day, you may look back and say that discovering his infidelity wsa the best thing that ever happened to you. Knowing that this hidden problem has been destroying your life without your knowledge, you can get passed it. Really. I never ever believed I'd be able to, I never really thought it would happen (in part because my mom's marriage ended with basically the same thing, my dad ended up marrying his 17yo girlfriend/my babysitter, and mom never really moved passed it). And WHOA! I still get a little shocked at how amazing life is now. Not just my new relationship with my honest-to-god other half, not only the way I was able to get my life on track, dig out of the whole I'd been in as a slavish partner in a destructive relationship, but I've also found the young woman I used to be: resourceful, motivated, involved in the world. And even though you're in so much pain right now, you have so much opportunity to grow...beautiful flowers can grow out of the stinkiest sh!t.<br><br>
(And my kids have grown a lot, too. My first still has major trust issues, probably will her whole life, but I can't do anything about that other than keep talking to her and try to get her to understand that it's okay to be hesistant to trust and to require people to really earn her trust. My youngest, born after our separation, not even met by her dad until she was 12 weeks old, actually has a good relationship with him and looks forward to seeing him. And he's actually become a much better dad, believe it or not. Now he's married to his mistress, and it'll be their problem to deal with in the future, rarely do those who cheat or those who entice married people do it just once...)<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">, lots of love and support...give yourself time to grieve, and eventually you'll get passed this. Oh, one last thing, it really helped me at the beginning to just think of him as dead, to acknowledge that the man I thought I knew was dead. HArder to give up on that idea of him than it was to realize who he was.
 

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I left my husband after finding out about an affair ... but I most certainly would not recommend that for everyone. Each situation is so different, and I have seen where you can work through this issue with counseling, etc.<br><br>
In my situation, the affair opened my eyes to just how awful I was being treated in so many ways, we'd been together almost 10 years and it was like I'd just grown accustomed to being treated like crap. We separated, it was my sincere hope that he would miss us, want his family back, and go to counseling with me ... but while he wanted me back, he also kept dating on the side and lying to me ... I had my answer right there.<br><br>
It's been several years ago now, our divorce was final back in 2004. I've got a DP that is the most amazing man, ever. I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be in a relationship with mutual respect, honestly and open communication.<br><br>
Only you know your husband, and your situation. You can move on past an affair if you are BOTH willing to work on it. That was not the case in my situation, I was married to a liar and no matter how much I loved him, he would never change because he didn't want to. Can you have an open and honest talk with your husband?<br><br>
Whatever you decide to to, remember that you WILL be ok. I know exactly how badly you hurt right now, and my heart aches for you. But you will get past this one way or another. If you need to PM me, please do. I'll be happy to talk with you anytime and give you support. I've been where you are and I know how hard this is.
 

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"Finally...there is life after a marriage fails. It hurts, it's hard to think about now, but one day, you may look back and say that discovering his infidelity wsa the best thing that ever happened to you. Knowing that this hidden problem has been destroying your life without your knowledge, you can get passed it. Really. I never ever believed I'd be able to, I never really thought it would happen (in part because my mom's marriage ended with basically the same thing, my dad ended up marrying his 17yo girlfriend/my babysitter, and mom never really moved passed it). And WHOA! I still get a little shocked at how amazing life is now. Not just my new relationship with my honest-to-god other half, not only the way I was able to get my life on track, dig out of the whole I'd been in as a slavish partner in a destructive relationship, but I've also found the young woman I used to be: resourceful, motivated, involved in the world. And even though you're in so much pain right now, you have so much opportunity to grow...beautiful flowers can grow out of the stinkiest sh!t. "<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/truedat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Truedat"><br><br><br>
She is sooo right. I feel 100% the same way .. after my divorce I ended up meeting the most wonderful partner, someone who I thank God for every single day, someone who loves me and my son and puts us as his top priority every waking moment, someone who would never lie or do anything to hurt us. We've been together over 2 years now, and I still get all giddy thinking about him and how wonderful he is.<br><br>
I began to get my sense of self back, and took control of my life. I followed my life long dream to get my real estate license and work as a Realtor. I moved to a new, larger city (with my DP), enrolled my son in the Waldorf school I dreamed of sending him to, and began a new career. It's been about 9 months, and everything is falling into place perfectly.<br><br>
Divorce may not be the answer for you, but if you DO come to that conclusion, I whole heartedly agree there is life after divorce. Mine is a much better life than I EVER would have had with my x .. and I thank God all the time for that affair that made me leave him.
 
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