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So I've always wanted a homebirth. But with my history of miscarriage, blood loss, and pre-term labor, the two I contacted were not encouraging. Plus DH wasn't on board... til the other day, where he said he'd thought about it and was excited by the idea. My doula found a MF who says she's fine with the PTL, will medicate me if needed, start me on the right supplements for building my blood, and wants me to see a classical homeopath ahead of time to prevent the PTL. All good stuff! But here's the thing: she's almost an hour away. Not only does that suck for visits (my toddler hates the car with a passion) but what about if things go wrong? PTL started at 32weeks for me last time... I bled throughout the pg and would have to be checked out... I was at the midwife's office *a lot*. Is it a bad idea to have a MW that far away??<br><br>
Guess I'm just thinking out loud. A homebirth is so appealing to me, but I have to be practical too.<br><br>
Thanks for listening to me. My friends all think I'm psycho for wanting a homebirth, and the good Lord knows I can't tell my family!! Just wanted to vent to folks who get it. sigh.
 

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Suz,<br><br>
Hugs!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I really would like a homebirth too, and I had no complications with #1. DH is vehemently opposed to it though and wiill.not.budge. Therefore, it's the hosp. for me.<br><br>
If I had the complications you had, I wouldn't feel comfortable myself. Homebirth sounds like a wonderful experience, but don't beat yourself up for going more towards the medical model in this case. It does not in any way make you less NFL, it makes you human with valid concerns.<br><br>
Just my .02, but I'm sure you'll get differing views!
 

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1h is not very much, in my opinion. Last pregnancy, my midwife group was about 45m away with no traffic. With traffic, lord, could be up to 2h (we were in San Diego)! This time, I'm in a really small town and there isn't a single hb mw here so guess how far away my mw is -- 3 HOURS. Yeah, I'm not thrilled about the drive, with kids or without, and yeah, it can be a pain as far as getting care for issues (recently I was like, "Help, I have this weird rash!" and my mw was like, "Do you want to drive 3h to see me, or do you want to go see your general practitioner?" I picked seeing my general doc) but I want a homebirth and I want this midwife, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes.<br><br>
In my opinion, if your midwife feels safe about you having a homebirth, that says something. I think she sounds proactive about helping you through your pregnancy. Also, I do not think once ptl, always ptl; same with bleeding. However, as I always say, Go ask the birth pros board about that! They are full of great info! I'm just a doula.<br><br>
Second, having a hb is about, in my opinion, being comfortable with your body and your pregnancy. I couldn't have had a hb with my first pregnancy because the twins had TTTS, and with my second, I just didn't feel comfortable with the idea of a homebirth. This time, I'm totally thrilled about learning about my body, trusting my body, and being safe. Ya know? I'm not thrilled about the idea of being in labor (I never found it really *fun* LOL) but I'm totally thrilled about the idea of laboring and birthing at home!<br><br>
hth!
 

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I like what YumaDoula said. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
An hour isn't a terribly long distance. My mother (in 1989) traveled a couple of hours for her mw visits. The mw made it in time for the birth, no problem. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I think what I hear you saying is you are concerned about the wear and tear on you if you end up having to have a lot of mw visits, at three hours per, including transportation, plus having to deal with a kid who hates the car.<br><br>
A couple of thoughts I had while reading your post -<br><br>
Do you have child care you could count on (and afford) for those visits? (keeping in mind that a hb will likely save you a lot of money over a hosp. birth, maybe some of that could go to child care for your mw visits?) And, if so, would that make it doable? Alternatively, would there be a mw or an ob in your area who would be willing to do co-care with your hb mw so that you could do the majority of your appts closer to home, esp. in the event you needed a lot at the end?<br><br>
I hope that you can find a way to make it work for you, if you decide to go for it.
 

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Okay to me an hour IS a long way away. Never mind the inconveneince for appointments. What about the fact that labor (after your first baby) can take like a total of 15 mins before the baby is out? It's not unheard of.<br><br>
I like Dena' s suggestion. And I hope you can find a way to make it work for you, too, <i>if that's what you want without reservation.</i> Don't feel pressured into a HB is all I was saying just because you feel like you will be non-NFL mama if you decide against it and for the hospital (because of some type of "ideal" you feel you must live up to). That's all I meant.
 

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Okay I'm going to play devil's advocate here... now where's my red cape and horns? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Yes, we READ about births that take 15 min, but honestly, who actually HAS one? As a doula, I attend about half primips (first timers) and half multips (2nd or more) and the shortest labor I've ever seen was 1h45m by a 5th time mom. It's not like a mw will be hanging out at a bar far from home and be totally unprepared when you go into labor. I'm *just* a doula and I have a phone glued to my hand and all my crap in my car from the minute a client gets to 38w. Especially under a circumstance where a client is an hour away. I'm sure you and your mw will discuss it and come to some decisions about how to maximaze the opportunity for her to attend. Maybe another professional someone to "labor-sit" who lives closer, or a doula in your town who she knows and trusts.<br><br>
In my current experience, because my mw is 3h away, I've been journaling about my concerns. What if the mw doesn't make it? What if my dh doesn't make it? (he works across the border in Mexico and sometimes the line at the border can be an hour long; making his commute 2h.) What if I don't *want* to drive 6h roundtrip every week when I'm like 36-40w pregnant?<br><br>
Via my journaling I've made a decision that I absolutely MUST be in tune with my body and my mind for this preg. It's not an option just to sit around and be pregnant. I absolutely must be aware when early labor is starting, prior to active labor, so I can call my mw and my dh (if he's at work) and say, hey, leave NOW. I need you here.<br><br>
Now I also live in a small town and I'm the only doula, so I've seen nearly all of the CNMs in town, and heck if I am going to one of them. I will suck it up.<br><br>
So, as you can see, I'm really committed to having a hb.<br><br>
You can also post in the Homebirth forum and see if others are in your situation. I am drooling with envy at the idea of a midwife who is 1h away.<br><br><i>Powered By the Intuitive Auto-Epic Engine</i> <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Wow, lots of good points on both ends. Thanks so much for your perspective, ladies! I don't know if necessarily I've made a decision, but I feel clearer about what DH and I need to discuss.<br><br>
I did talk to the homebirth mw this morning. She's very nice and I asked lots of questions. I think at this point I'm going to get the practical stuff out of the way first: insurance. Mine sucks, and they're not going to make this easy. (They should! Costs them way less to have a hb, right?) Once I hear their verdict, then DH and I will meet with the midwife in person, discuss at home, make a decision.<br><br>
Dena, good pt about childcare. My mom is retiring then end of June, which will be super helpful. She won't be on board about the homebirth... I'm kind of thinking of not telling her. Oy. Anyway, I'll also ask about co-care with a practitioner around here, though I'm thinking that will be a no.<br><br>
Yuma, thanks for the perspective. I'm envious of your surety! I do think you're right about trusting your body and knowing what one is comfortable with. That's part of the reason I want a homebirth. The other part is just not wanting the interference of the hospital. And I don't want the baby given vitamin K infection or eye drops. In NY, they either get them or you get reported to CPS. And since we don't vax, I want to stay off CPS's radar.<br><br>
Julie, I totally agree the more medical model can be the right choice in some cases. I need to sit down with the concerns, the pros/cons, and decide what case I am. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Ok, feeling clearer. Thanks again, all!
 

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As far as $$$, I think usually you pay up front and then fight the ins company for reimbursement. My mw is $4K. It's exactly what we got back in taxes. I'd pay more for a chance to labor and birth at home, where I'm comfortable and safe and happy, and not have to worry about vit K, eye drops, the stupid "going home" outfit, etc etc.
 

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Yuma, thanks for the perspective. I'm envious of your surety! I do think you're right about trusting your body and knowing what one is comfortable with. That's part of the reason I want a homebirth. The other part is just not wanting the interference of the hospital. And I don't want the baby given vitamin K infection or eye drops. In NY, they either get them or you get reported to CPS. And since we don't vax, I want to stay off CPS's radar.<br></div>
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I think you need to post your concerns about this to the vax board. It's awesome.<br>
I'm 100% refusing Vit K, eye drops, & Hep B at birth -- just as I did with DD. No biggie.<br>
And going-home outfits are fun <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br><br>
So are "staying home" outfits.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>knowerofnada</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7986800"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think you need to post your concerns about this to the vax board. It's awesome.<br>
I'm 100% refusing Vit K, eye drops, & Hep B at birth -- just as I did with DD. No biggie.<br>
And going-home outfits are fun <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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Yeah, I've already talked about it there. Great board. LI knows her stuff! Anyway, there's no way of getting around it in this state: it's a law. Your newborn gets vitamin K and eye drops in the hospital or CPS gets called.
 

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lol. I just noticed I wrote "vitamin K infection" instead of "injection". lol. What a slip. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>YumaDoula</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7986644"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'd pay more for a chance to labor and birth at home, where I'm comfortable and safe and happy, and not have to worry about vit K, eye drops, the stupid "going home" outfit, etc etc.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>knowerofnada</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7986800"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think you need to post your concerns about this to the vax board. It's awesome.<br>
I'm 100% refusing Vit K, eye drops, & Hep B at birth -- just as I did with DD. No biggie.<br>
And going-home outfits are fun <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>YumaDoula</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7986958"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br><br>
So are "staying home" outfits.</div>
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Yumadoula, from your tone and choice of words (e.g. "stupid" and <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">), I am getting the distinct impression that you look down on the choice to have a hospital birth. There really is no reason to. Each has its advantages, each has its disadvantages. I've previously stated that I indeed wish I were having a homebirth, so obviously I don't look down on that choice. I respect your choice, please respect others'. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bygones75</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7987141"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yeah, I've already talked about it there. Great board. LI knows her stuff! Anyway, there's no way of getting around it in this state: it's a law. Your newborn gets vitamin K and eye drops in the hospital or CPS gets called.</div>
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Right. But LI also acknowledges that there is really nothing CPS can do about it when it comes down to it. The only way they can do anything about the health care decisions you make for your child is if the child "is in imminent danger" from not receiving said treatment. And the only way that would hold true for the eye drops is if you were STD positive. The Vit. K you would just need documents proving it is medically unnecessary and you're covered. Unless you are circumcising (which I am sure you are not), or the child is going to need some kind of surgery, it likewise is not putting the child in any kind of risk to withold. I can tell you this, if I lived in NY, the threat of CPS being called wouldn't phase me a single bit. I'd be armed with my printed-out research.
 

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Bygones, what about a Freestanding Birth Center (FBC)? That's where I'm having my baby. Mine has a lot of the benefits of a hospital- emergency equipment, certified nurse midwives, etc, but the feel and atmosphere of a home birth (nice bedrooms, tubs for water birth, no drugs, I can eat, I can labor where ever, etc.). Ours is very pro- NFL and AP and we won't have to fight about vaxes or circ. The same two midwives will treat me the entire time and there's a really great community of women there. I am really happy with the choice and it sounds like something like that might be good for you.
 

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Short Labors: My sil had a 2hr 46min labor 2 weeks ago. Her 3rd baby and the shortest labor I've ever known of.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>knowerofnada</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7987644"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Right. But LI also acknowledges that there is really nothing CPS can do about it when it comes down to it. The only way they can do anything about the health care decisions you make for your child is if the child "is in imminent danger" from not receiving said treatment... I can tell you this, if I lived in NY, the threat of CPS being called wouldn't phase me a single bit. I'd be armed with my printed-out research.</div>
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I'm a teacher, and I've had quite a bit of dealing with CPS. And I've seen some scary stuff from that organization; scarier than most can imagine. If I can make sure that homebirth is a safe choice for me, then I'll do that and avoid them at all costs.<br><br>
Trust me. I don't say the above lightly.
 

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Hey Swim,<br><br>
Yes, I like the idea of a birth center... though, they have to follow NYS vit K/eye drop/CPS law as well, I believe. (Someone correct me if I'm wrong!) Ours was shut down a couple years ago due to lack of interest. There's one in CT that my doula used. Ya know, I might ask her about that and their policies, just for the heck of it. Thanks for the idea!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bygones75</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7987869"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm a teacher, and I've had quite a bit of dealing with CPS. And I've seen some scary stuff from that organization; scarier than most can imagine. If I can make sure that homebirth is a safe choice for me, then I'll do that and avoid them at all costs.<br><br>
Trust me. I don't say the above lightly.</div>
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Suz, I am totally with you on this. I am an attorney, and I too have seen more than my share of what CPS can do to wreck families. They are definitely to be avoided if possible. I didn't know some states are actually calling them if you refuse drops and vit. k. Lovely. Hope our wonderful legislature/medical lobby doesn't get wind of that one!<br><br>
I do hope you can work out the best birth for you, whatever that turns out to be!
 
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