A little freaked out

814 Views 9 Replies 9 Participants Last post by CherryBomb, Jun 2, 2005

ewe+lamb

Discussion Starter · Jun 1, 2005

OK so I have two things that have freaked me out -
1. DH agreed with me that we wouldn't find out the sex - we confirmed it again last night, then as soon as we went in for the scan he changed his mind - stayed behind and found out the sex. He knows that I feel quite strongly that I didn't want us to find out and wait till baby arrives - but no - then he phones his Mum on the bus (ok they speak in a different language, but I can get the gist of what he's saying) I'm really disappointed that he did it and even although he knew my feelings - just went ahead and did what he wanted - Is that really selfish? Should I not be that bothered? I don't know how to feel!

2. Baby at 33 weeks is weighing 4.4 lbs so the guy that does the scan says that I'll probably be induced because the baby is already to big, I said to him that I would discuss it with my dr, "yes but it will happen", he says so I replied that I would decide with the dr seeing as it is my body and I have the final word - "ah but not here in France" he says. I really don't want to be induced - I was with my dd and ended up with a dreadful c-section, it was just the typical attitude over here that you have no option and no say in what happens to you across here, the dr is all powerful and knows best and I am insignificant and know nothing. Just to add another gripe on - he was really abit ticked off because he couldn't see all the baby's face as babe is in a great position for me, but not for him - just his whole attitude was awful and dh staying on at the end really has upset me.

I was really looking forward to today and now I feel it's all been a disaster.

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MilkOnDemand

· #2 · Jun 1, 2005

I'd be ticked at your dh for sharing the information about the baby's gender, but not for finding out. Yes, you had agreed, however it isn't the end of the world if he knows and you don't...maybe he saw some great very cute outfit for the baby and wanted to get it?

I don't think that 4.4lbs at 34 weeks is a giant baby, nor will a tech be able to detirmine whether or not induction will be the right protocol for you.

Sorry you are having a rough day (((HUG)))

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Pom

· #3 · Jun 1, 2005

Oh, Ewe, that stinks. Now, please understand I love things French. I speak French (well, did), I was an exchange student there. Love the food, the art, film, the clothes, the people...but MAN! The FRENCH!! That tech sounds so typical. So frustrating. So sorry you're dealing with it all!

And yeah, I'd be po'ed at my DH -- like NM said, more for sharing, than knowing. But even that's a breech of trust last minute like that! And French is not that difficult to "get" words like girl or boy or whatever. Did you end up figuring out what you're having??

Assuming your DH is French speaking, but is it anythign else?

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bri276

· #4 · Jun 1, 2005

I think 4.4 lbs sound normal for 33 wks??!! I love how u/s techs can think they're real docs. Ridiculous.
Personally I would have felt betrayed by DH if he found out. We still don't know and we definitely had the agreement from the beginning that neither of us would know. but to tell his mother? I would be furious. I don't want my MIL knowing more about my baby than I do! if I were you I'd have to know now. but that's just me!
sorry the day sucked!

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soccerchic21

· #5 · Jun 1, 2005

I would complain to your dr about the tech. Also it is your body and you should have the ultimate last say. And remember ultrasounds are not definite on weights. They are still an assumption. They could be a pound off either way I thought. And how the heck does he know if your baby is going to fit coming out? A woman's body does amazing things while birthing.

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ewe+lamb

Discussion Starter · #6 · Jun 1, 2005

Thanks for your kind words.
My husband was speaking a dialect of Arabic but we've been around each other for over 12 years so I have got the gist and yes I now know the sex of our baby - but I can't even bring myself to say what it is yet - it's taking a while to sink in - I am really disappointed - the fact that we agreed last night that we would stick to our decision and not find out, gave me more confidence today and then my bubble was burst and then to top it all the tech being such a pain in the ass about saying how costeau my baby is etc I thought I was doing really well and have only put on 4lbs since being pregnant and second babes are normally bigger than 1st it's all just brought me back down to earth with a big bump, I feel that they should tell a woman when you're not having the same tech each time - I've had three u/s and they've all been different people. Just a horrible day really - and even worse when I was looking forward to it all so much - dh never managed to dd's u/s and this one was the first time for us.

I love dh so much but feel really let down by what he did today.

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Shanana

· #7 · Jun 1, 2005

Oh, Ewe ... so sorry you're having such a rough day.

I think where dh really messed up is that you two had an agreement that you wouldn't find out the sex, and he violated the agreement. I can understand if he changed his mind and wanted to know, but he should have re-opened the conversation with you, since he wanted to back out of the agreement. And telling his mom was a definite no-no ... even worse that he did it in front of you and you could hear and understand. Sometimes guys do the stupidest things ...

That tech sounds like a complete idiot, so don't listen to him!!! You did a great job of sticking up for yourself, and making it clear that YOU are in charge.

I hope you're feeling less blue soon, and are able to talk things out with dh.

Shana
EDD 7/29/05

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IAmAMamaToLogan

· #8 · Jun 2, 2005

(((((((((Ewe))))))))) I would be pretty upset with my DH too.

As it is, I'm ticked that my DH wants to tell everyone the baby's name just because our son has told a couple of people.

As for the tech...WHATEVER!!! 4.4lbs at 33 weeks doesn't sound big at all! How big was your first? To 'me', 4.4lbs at 33 weeks would = 7 1/2-8lbs at birth. Logan was 5.5lbs at 35 weeks and was born 8lbs6oz a week late. I wouldn't trust that measurement at all and I wouldn't consent to an induction or c-section based on baby's size only. Stick to your guns..it's your body!

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NordicMamma

· #9 · Jun 2, 2005

I am sorry you found out that sex when you didn't want to know. That was very insenstive of your husband!

As for the size of the baby, here is a cautionary tale. When I was pg with ds I had an extra u/s at 33 weeks because my fundus measured so big. The tech said my baby already weighed 6 lbs (more than I did full term!), that he was breech, wouldn't turn on his own, and if by some miracle he did, they would induce me if I reached my due date.

Well, ds turned at 37 weeks, I went into labour on my own and he was born on his due date weighing all of ..... 7 lbs 8 oz.

Those ultrasound predictions on weight can be WAY off. (Besides I don't think 4 lbs is all that big for 33 weeks.) And even in France you can surely turn down an induction. Simply don't turn up for it!

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CherryBomb

· #10 · Jun 2, 2005

4 pounds is NOT big for 33 weeks. A friend of mine had a 33 week premie *exactly 33 weeks) that was 3 lbs 14 oz and was considered an average weight. So 4.4 isn't that big. Also, it's generally accepted that U/S can be off up to 20% either way. So yeah. Don't listen to the tech.

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