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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>My STBX has been causing me a lot of stress this week and I need to vent to some people who understand the mind games these guys play.</p>
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<p>In my state the divorce is broken into two "settlements". We have settled on the child care/custody plan and have both signed the documents. We are waiting for confirmation the judge has signed it. This was a huge relief because he signed off on no vaxes in the agreement and this was the part my lawyer said was the biggest risk to me in court (STBX was a stay at home parent). The second settlement is division of the assets and debts... this is what is stressing me out right now.</p>
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<p>Several months ago we came to an agreement. STBX started asking for more and more... saying he would drag it out and go through the courts if I didn't agree. We live in a community property state which means you basically slit anything acquired during the marriage in half. He wanted 100% my jewlery, his paid off car, and some other high priced items. He wanted 50% of my seperate property. I was willing to agree to this in order to get it over with and for him to waive rights to any more compensation. He wasn't taking the full term in alimony so it was something that could end up costing me a lot more in court. When I said enough that is when he wrote me an e-mail saying since you won't cooperate I have no choice but to persue going through the court. I asked him several times to confirm and he said he was through with negotiations. That called and yelled at me when I told our mediator that STBX is refusing mediation.</p>
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<p>Now he illegally sold some of the high dollar items and got himself $10K to live for a while. Now he is almost out of money so he contacted me about trying to work out another settlement. It's the same agreement but an additional 6 months of alimony. Again he is asking for more and more. I had to remind him he is asking for more month than I make (and he knows this since he used to pay the bills). He wrote me this e-mail which I didn't respond to:</p>
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<div><span style="font-family:Calibri;">"I'm leaving in an hour and I need a confirmation from you. You insisted on getting this agreement underway and I need an answer before I leave so I can proceed with the options available to me."</span></div>
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<p>When the house was up I received this:</p>
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<div>"Since I haven't heard back from you... Below is the revised Divorce agreement.</div>
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<div>If this isn't emailed to <our mediation attorney> by the end of the day and CC'd to me that it has been emailed with the request to draw it up, all communication from this point forward will be handled through my lawyer. As a precaution I have had my lawyer draw up all necessary documents to set a court date requesting both spousal and child support immediately along with any back support owed to me. I hope to avoid this step as you seemed willing to proceed with the agreement we have been working on for several months but the lack of response and sense of urgency on your part has left me with no choice but to move forward."</div>
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<p>The only reason this wasn't sent to the attorney 2 weeks ago was because he wanted to get payments in December. I have told him I won't pay a thing without the agreements in place. My attorney says I am under no obligation to pay anything unless I sign a settlement or he files for support in court. He cannot collect back support in my state.</p>
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<p>All the tantrums, pressure tactics, and bluffing is really stressing me out. I just want this over with - both the settlement and the alimony. Even though I am cut off from him physically, all the e-mails have been stressing me. This is on top of dealing 100% with a house in escrow (selling), a bad car accident, buying a new car, work deadlines, and having to find a new place to live.</p>
 

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<p>i'm sorry.  can you forward all his emails to your lawyer without reading them, with instructions to only inform you of things you need to know?</p>
 

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<p>What does your lawyer say about it? To what extend was your ex a stay at home dad, and to what extent was he a deadbeat loser drunk who couldn't hold down a job, and you wound up supporting him while doing all the doctors appointments, house work, etc on top of your job? I hate the thought of you paying alimony in that situation. How long is he asking you to pay alimony? You're getting custody, right?</p>
<p>He's still being an abusive bully. You need to document all that, and respond only through your attorney. How is your attorney, by the way? Does s/he understand fully that you're leaving an abusive relationship? Do you feel like your attorney is advocating for you?</p>
<p>Good luck, and don't let him bully you into signing an agreement that will cost you for years and years.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<p>I have a meeting scheduled with my attorney this afternoon to discuss a strategy. I feel like out of all the lawyers I spoke with she was the best at using the law to build upon strategies. She told me in my state it would be difficult for me with the limited proof I had. My HX was really good at hiding his issues from friends and family so I have no witnesses. Most of the proof I can't obtain due to laws like HIPPA. In my state abuse really only comes into play on the financial side if there is a conviction. Of course XH is saying he sacraficed his career for mine and that is why he deserves alimony. In reality I am much more educated and had some opportunities and took them to pay off the debt he incurred from his failed business ventures.</p>
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<p>Personally I am just happy he chose to bully me on the financial side rather than with our dd. Fighting over dd would have been much more emotional for me. I feel the only costly areas would be alimony and legal fees. I could legally take all the other assets. I really just needed to vent a little. People I speak with don't realize how manipulative my XH is. I was having a little break down because my lawyer was being slow to respond to me and HX was being so demanding with his timelines. I really just want this over with and I am prepared to spend a little more to get things over with quickly. But I won't let him take advantage of the situation either.</p>
 
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