[normajean]

Hi ladies!

I'm feeling a little sad lately. I really really want a homebirth. I've read everything I can get my hands on, and I don't know how to describe it except that I know *this* is how I am "supposed" to do it.

My sweet, ultra conservative, traditional, DH thinks I am turning into a retro hippie-cloth diapering, BF'ing hippie, but he is supportive. However homebirth is one thing he has reservations about.

He told me I can have a homebirth if I can find someone experienced to attend the birth. We live in rural NV. There is one hospital--they do not follow birth plans--you can pick drugs or no drugs, but you are automatically on IV drip, pitocin "if necessary" labor on bed, etc. No eating/drinking during labor, and no early release fromthe hospital. My friend wasn't even allowed to see her baby (via c-section) until 30hours after delivery b/c the nurse wouldn't wheel her over to the window to look in the nursery window at him.

There are no doctors who will attend a HB here. I asked my doctor about it, and he said "Having a Dr at your birth in an insurance policy. Everything will probably be fine, but if its not, I'm there to step in. I'm not much good without the hospital though. Your DH can deliver the baby at home if thats what you prefer."

So he's semi-supportive, and realizes he's not completely necessary, but he won't attend. There are *no* midwives here. The closest are 2 hours away, and will only attend Hospital births.

The baby is due in October. I could go to Utah or Oregon and have the baby at a relatives home, but I am not comfortable around my parents or brother even to have a baby there. And DH wouldn't be able to be there either, he has to work during october, and you never know when the baby is coming.

There is a birthing center of sorts in Reno, 2.5 hours away, but labor with my son was short 9 hours only--and I know 3 people who have delivered in the car or on the side of the road, and I do not want that.

DH will not support me in a UC. I don't know if I have the confidence to do UC without a MW present.

So I'm disappointed. I've been trying to "accept" the idea of a hospital birth, and just anticipate the worst, thinking its one day, and then the baby will be here....but I just can't "get over it." Like that.

DH won't read anything about HB, and acts creeped out when I tried to show him Laura Shanleys site. I know he is worried about my safety and the baby's safety, I know he is a product of the way he was raised--his parents have a very much "the medical world knows EVERYTHING" attitude. I can tell them I have a headache and they say, "What did the dr. say about it?"

*sigh*

I just wish there was a way I could make this work!

 

[Breathe]

Hey normajean, Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time working this out. I really feel badly for you that you don't have more HB options -- or even just natural birth options! But you sound so sure in your intuition that HB is the right thing for you, so I'd like to encourage you to hang on to that. It will definitely require some creative thinking about how to do it, but I believe you have come to the right place! Why don't you rename this thread, "Help me figure out how to have a HB in this unfriendly state!" or something like that? Then all the HB wisdom will start flowing your way and I *know* you can figure this out.

My personal opinion is that having a birth attendant is important,*especially* if your dh is afraid of a UC. But a few things popped into my head . . . Could you pay to fly in a m/w from another state? I know people who've done this. Or go stay in a hotel in Reno where the birth center is? Both of these things could be done around your due date, and then you could do some serious stuff to get labor going . . . acupuncture being a *highly* effective (yet non-invasive) way to induce a full-term baby within a few days. And FWIW, a 2.5 hr drive doesn't sound *that* long to me -- I've known people to drive farther and make it just fine.

Don't give up on this idea, okay? If your heart's in it, you'll figure it out!

Good Luck!

 

[mom2mimi]

Hi! I've never actually posted on here before but I had to reply to you. Where in rural Nevada do you live?? How extensively have you checked out midwives in your area?? I ask because I live in Carson City (not rural, I know!) and my midwife is based out of Reno, she has attended over 800 births and I feel very confident with her. I have also heard of others in Tahoe, Reno, Susanville, and Markleeville. I would be happy to track down some names for you if you'd like.

Julie

 

[cottonwood]

One thing to consider is that they cannot force you into IV, pitocin, laboring in bed, etc. But having to fight about it is awful when you're in the midst of labor. Would your doctor be willing to go to bat for you on these things?

If it were me I wouldn't go anywhere near that hospital, sounds like an awful, dangerous place to give birth. And I wouldn't let your dh off the hook on doing research. If it is so important to him that you give birth in a hospital, the burden of proof should be on him to show that it is indeed the best place for you to be. If he wants a say in this, he should be willing to put as much thought into as you have. Insist, for your sake, (and for the sake of fairness) that he read "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" or "A Good Birth, A Safe Birth". Have him read anything by Marsden Wagner, who is an MD (he was director of women's and children's health for the World Health Organization, and has articles online, just do a search.) It won't be long before he'll begin to understand that obstetrics is not particularly evidence-based and results too often in iatrogenic complications. Does he want you to have an episiotomy that makes sex hurt for a long time? Does he want you to hemorrhage because of the hospital's policy that the placenta be manually extracted if not birthed in a certain period of time? Does he want the bonding between you and your baby adversely affected by separation in the crucial moments after birth? Etc. He needs to think this through before making demands that could potentially hurt you and your baby.

All right, off my soap box. Here are some links to Nevada homebirth midwives:

http://www.nevadamidwife.com/ http://www.lasvegasweekly.com/2002/0...ory_index.html http://www.midwife.nu/ http://www.birthpartners.com/search/...1&pro=1&id=154 http://www.birthpartners.com/search/...1&pro=1&id=411
Call them up and ask them if they can recommend other homebirth midwives for you to interview as well, in the interest of making the best fit. I'll bet there are some who get clients solely through word of mouth (that's how I found my second midwife, who doesn't advertise.)
Here is an email address: [email protected] that might have some info for you too.
Also, ask at your local LLL (if you don't attend meetings, just call an LLL leader) and at natural food co-ops and alternative medicine practices.

Finally, you say that you live rurally -- how far away are you from the hospital? Wouldn't it be prudent to prepare for an unassisted birth even if you don't intend to have one? If you're concerned about laboring that fast... you might not get to the hospital in time anyway!

 

[normajean]

HI ladies, and thank you for the replies....

I am in Winnemucca. The closest midwife is in Elko, and she works only through Elko hospital. I have called HB midwives in Reno & in Las Vegas and no one knows of anyone in the area.

I realize 2.5 hours isn't long, generally speaking, my labor was very short with DS #1, 9 hours start to finish. My water broke--trickled--which sent us to the hospital, but from the time I actually started contracting until he was out was only 3 hours.

I have talked to my doctor about birth plans at the hospital here. He says as long as the baby is safe, I can do whatever I want, drugs/no drugs, episiotomy/no epis, whatever positions I want. The things he does insist on are an IV for fluids--in case of emergency they can start whatever they need to quickly. He says he puts no meds just fluids in unless its an emergency or I request. THe other thing is no eating/drinking in labor, because if I need an emergency C-section the general anethesia tends to make people vomit & if you eat there is a risk of breathing the vomit. He also will not let the father deliver the baby (DH doesn't want to anyway) because of shoulder dystocia he wants to be ready if there is a problem.

WHile I do believe my Dr. is an excellent Dr, and I am even willing to go along with HIS stipulations, its the hospitals track record for not following birth plans that bothers me.

The hospital nurses do NOT follow birth plans. And we all know that your doctor is basically there for about 5 minutes during labor, and then while you push and thats about it. SO while my doctor is supportive, the majority of the nurses are not.

We are about 8 blocks from the hospital, in a non-traffic area. Getting to our local hospital is not a problem. What scares me though is that 2 years ago they lost a patient at this hospital. Not my Dr, the other one who delivers (we only have 2 doctors that deliver babies!!!)

I have talked with DH about the safety of HB versus the safety of hospital births, and he listens to my stats that its safer to have an educated HB than hospital. However, he will not read anything. I have read a few things TO him, and showed him Laura Shanleys site. He's a great listener, he's just not willing to undertake it on his own. He wants someone else here that "knows what they are doing." I think it really scares him to see me in pain.

Mom2mimi-I am sending you a PM.

 

[normajean]

PS-The reason they lost a patient here was b/c she was hemmoraging & the hospital was out of her blood type.

THAT scares the crap out of me!

 

[georgia]

Yes, call or attend LLL and ask to speak "off the record." There's a wealth of info out there between the lines! My mw only takes clients by referral. She operates under the radar, and has been doing so for over 30 years. We live in a state where CPMs are not licensed and are starting to be prosectuted. It does not keep mws from practicing. They are just very careful.

That your dh's has reservations can be positive. I think it's smart to not agree wholeheartedly to something you know nothing about

. Education and information can be critical in finding comfort, for all involved. Location is very important---where YOU feel safest, most comfortable and loved is so important. How many births will we have in a lifetime? You deserve to exhaust all of your options. First, you just need to find out exactly what they are! I'd personally start calling all the places Linda mentioned.

I also agree that living rurally, one should be prepared to have a UC. Heck, I think we all should! I would look at your feelings----your sadness is very real---it's not going to go away without finding some peace. Please keep us posted---hope you can take Julie up on her offer

 

[BoobyJuice]

First,

, I'm sorry. I'm actually in a really similar situation, I posted on a different board Need Info on Hospital Birth. The biggest advice I've been given over there is that you can refuse almost anything and get a doula. If you live anywhere like where I live, there aren't any doulas.

I just saw your thread and wanted to come over and say I'm sorry and that I understand. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do. Good luck.

 

[3_opihi]

Darn, you're in Winnemucca. I am actually from Hawthorne/ Walker lake area originally and I know there is a Reno based midwife who will go to Fallon. Maybe you could call her. Maybe she would go to Winnemucca if you explain your situation and stuff. Also, with all the reservations around I'm sure there is someone doing homebirth out there. I'll see if I can figure something out for you. There's got to be a way to do this.

I don't blame you for not wanting to have your baby in the hospital there. Scary. They aren't even delivering babies in Hawthorne anymore. You have to drive to Fallon.

 

[3_opihi]

"Also, ask at your local LLL (if you don't attend meetings, just call an LLL leader) and at natural food co-ops and alternative medicine practices."

:LOL Sorry blueviolet, don't think you're going to find any of these in rural Nevada. I hope there is no offense taken.

 

[normajean]

Thanks guys! I'm looking into Julie's MW.

We don't have LLL here either. I have asked everyone I know, and there are a few women who have done UC--one had 8 children, but nearly died with the last, and they have all since moved away. No one knows of a CNM or laymidwife even. LOL--natural food co-ops & alternative medicine practices are non existant here as well. We do have 1 organic aisle in raleys. We aren't very progressive here in cowboy country, and anyone who is tends to move to Reno.

I did ask my friend who is a lactation counselor, and she doesn't know of anyone either. She manages a parent education/child enrichment program here and she's never heard of anyone.

My other option is there is a friend of Dh's family who is the head nurse at the hospital. She worked for years as an OB nurse. I don't know what the laws are about this...but I know she is experienced in delivering babies when the doc didn't make it in time. If I can't find a MW who will come here, I will ask D if she will attend. I just don't know what the legal issues are for her. She took care of me after my first m/c and she's a sweetie, and I've worked with her a little in cub scouts. Maybe even if she can't be "medically involved" she could be there to tell me "Hey, this is a problem, you need to go to the hospital" since neither DH or I would know what to look for other than things like the cord coming first or a hand.

 

[lovemygirl]

Amen to everything Linda (blueviolet) said!! :LOL I was just getting ready to type but she said alot of what I was going to say!

If this is what you want why should *you* have to compromise? With my first baby, my dh was like, I am not sure about homebirth, but when I put the info in front of him to read he definitely got it and now knows of all of the crazy stuff done or can be done to you at hospitals. We had a midwife attended homebirth with dd. We have even moved farther away from interventions and attended births, & will give birth to this baby at home--just me and dh. Good luck and follow your heart and those great links above mentioned by the other ladies here.

OH! I just wanted to add that you and dh *could* know what to do if there was a serious problem (unlikely) with just a little research. The book Emergency Childbirth is a great book to have on hand in any event.
Most complications arise FROM attendees at the birth and their interventions... Not being able to be fully relaxed and at ease will cause you to tense up, stress out and not have faith in yourself. That in turn causes fear, fear causes pain. Fear inhibits a perfectly natural, normal birth from taking place....so I would definitely work on your fears, read up (especially on UC stuff--Laura Shanley's book is EXCELLENT!) even if you do not want an UC. Laura's book help put my fears into perspctive, helped me overcome them...I think this is *ESSENTIAL* (getting rid of fear) for ANY laboring women, not just those doing it by themselves.

Good luck!

 

[3_opihi]

Hey

I found this article.

http://www.newsreview.com/issues/ren...5-09/cover.asp

It seems like this would be the midwife to go with. She will even deliver breech and twins!

If she can't attend she would proably at least know someone that will. I think her practice is called Sierra Midwifery Services. Good Luck and I'll keep looking.

 

[doctorjen]

Just wanted to add, that in the event you don't manage to have your homebirth, at least negotiate for a saline lock instead of IV fluids running. That way the doc has IV access in case of an emergency, but you aren't tied to an IV, or have to drag it around with you if you want to move.
Also, consider laboring at home as long as possible.
Maybe it will work out some unexpected way. When I had my 2nd baby I was nervous about the group of CNMs I was seeing. Although I knew the hospital was good about following my wishes, I didn't like 2 of the CNMs, and had to take whoever was on call for delivery. (I had a huge argument with one of them about triple screen - she accused me of being irresponsible for declining it. The other one thought I was nuts to ask for no episiotomy unless baby was distressed. She said that most of her patients tear if she doesn't cut. I figured I didn't want her catching!) I planned to labor at home as long as possible, that way they wouldn't be able to do much to me. In the end, I had a prolonged, slow, painless early labor, and just when I'd decided maybe this was turning into real labor, my water broke and the baby was born 25 minutes later, in my living room. So I missed the unliked CNMs altogether! I am convinced that I had an unplanned home delivery because in my mind I was just not comfortable with my planned birthing situation.

 

[Electra375]

I had a little trouble finding a midwife myself b/c midwives for homebirths are alegal and not exactly advertising.
I suggest you go to a La Leche League meeting and ask the other mothers there about homebirths and mw. You might also contact any doulas or Bradley method instructors.
If you hospital is close enough, just do it at home! Or wait until the last possible minute to tell DH it's time to go. Then when you get there less time means less stuff they can do to ya.
best to you,

 

[BoobyJuice]

Quote:

There is one hospital--they do not follow birth plans--you can pick drugs or no drugs, but you are automatically on IV drip, pitocin "if necessary" labor on bed, etc. No eating/drinking during labor, and no early release fromthe hospital. My friend wasn't even allowed to see her baby (via c-section) until 30hours after delivery b/c the nurse wouldn't wheel her over to the window to look in the nursery window at him.

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I too am dealing with this. I know it can be very frustrating. I just wanted to address some of the concerns you mentioned above.

• They can't automatically put you on an IV drip without your permission - you have the right to refuse. If you want to compromise, you can allow them to put in a hep lock, that way you would have a place for the needle if it became necessary but you would not be receiving IV fluids throughout.
• In regards to pitocin, what do they consider "necessary"? That's a very important question. Again, you could always refuse it, but when would they consider your labor "stalled" or "not progressing"?
• I don't know about eating and drinking in labor - don't know if it is something you can refuse I mean. However I certainly would sneak it everytime the nuse was out of the room. That is so antiquated - how do they expect you do have any energy?
• As for no early release from the hospital, hospital's can't keep you once you want to go home. You just sign yourself out. That's it. Sign a form saying you choose to leave AMA (against medical advice) and walk out the door.
• Now your friend that didn't see the baby after a c-section, where was her support? Was there no husband, mother, friend to wheel her over to look? Trust me, she could demand to see that baby and have it brought to her. What if she'd been breastfeeding? Nurses have to bring mother's the babies from the nursery all the time.

I'd call the hospital. Ask to speak to the head ob nurse. Ask questions about your concerns. (Check out all the great questions by klothos. It's your dr that you say wants the IV, so if you like your dr, talk to him about it; it's your dr that won't let you eat or drink, talk about compromise - eating and drinking in early labor for instance, just drinking afterward. It's also your dr that releases you from the hospital.

Give them a call. See what you can find out. Remember almost everything can be refused in a non-emergency situation. Find out what their time limits are, what consititutes an emergency, what standard practices are. And the best advice I can give you, stay home as long as you can. If you show up ready to push most of the stuff you are concerned about will be over.

Good luck

 

[normajean]

HI guys!

Mamamaya-Diane Schuab from the article is the MW Julie recommended. I talked to her yesterday, and unfortunatley she will not travel all the way out here. She is sending me some information, and we are talking about possibly me having the baby in Reno. But, a lot of the appeal of having a HB is being at home in a comfortable environment, so we will see where we go with this.

Diane said when I talked to her that she had heard of a MW out here a while back!!! She said her first name was Vanessa...she's going to see if she can find her number. I'm going to keep asking around, maybe if I have a first name, it will trigger something.

I know that I can refuse any medical care, however, like someone said, its hard to make a stink when you are in labor. A lot of the backward practices of our hopsital are actually getting worse. For instance, VBAC used to be allowed. My friend had a baby naturally, one C-section, one VBAC and is pregnant again. But since her 18 month old was born, the hospital has ceased allowing VBAC. So even though she's already had one, she would have to have another section here. She's going to Utah to have her baby there.

I do absolutely plan to stay home as long as I can. The hospital is literally 8 blocks away, in residential, uncongested streets. I can probably stay home until the baby is on its way out and be ok...and if I can't find a HB MW thats what I plan to do. The longer you are at the hospital, the more stuff they can do, and the more worried they are about how long you are laboring.

I wasn't sure whether to write this part or not, please don't take it wrong. There are a lot of Latina women here, who are very poor. My doctor is the only doctor in town who delivers babies, and I *never* have seen a hispanic woman in his office for prenatal care. Where are they having their babies? I don't know if it means they are just not getting prenatal care, or if they aren't having their babies at the hospital--but I need to find out if they are having HB's who is attending them. Paul knows a few hispanic families, and even offered to call and ask.

 

[Electra375]

Just be careful refusing medical treatment. I refused medical treatment and they refused to treat me! You have rights to refuse and apparently they have the right to refuse you too!!!
I was shocked and that is why I had a homebirth.