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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi mama's,<br>
I had all intentions of nursing my DD (13 months) till she was ready to wean. But there are several issues that have compelled me to wean her now.<br>
First, I am 8 weeks pregnant now and I have never felt such pain in my nipples. when she latches on it literally takes my breath away. Even when I had engorgement issues I never felt such pain.<br>
Second, she wants to nurse all day. I can't even be in a room with her without her screaming at me and pulling my shirt up. It has come to the point that I feel it is affecting our relationship. I just feel like a boob and we can't even just play because she only wants to nurse. I feel that I am beginning to resent her and our nursing.<br>
Third, She still wakes up 2-5 times in the night to nurse and will not go back to sleep on her own. We do not co-sleep, it just did not work for us. So I get up go to her room and nurse her all night long. In the morning I am exhausted and proceed to crawl through my day with eyes half open.<br>
It is all beginning to take it's toll. I just want to enjoy my DD, she is a lively wonderful 13 month old and I desparetely want to have a great relationship with her, but nowadays there are times that I just want to run away from her.<br><br>
Please give me any and all advice that you have. I feel that I really need to wean her soon. But do I start with day or night? Do I give her something else instead to drink. What do i do? Thank you all so very much! Danni<br>
ETA: My Dh will take off a week from work when I am ready and he plans to do the night time stuff when we are ready to night wean.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>zosiasmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9072917"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hi mama's,<br>
I had all intentions of nursing my DD (13 months) till she was ready to wean. But there are several issues that have compelled me to wean her now.<br>
First, I am 8 weeks pregnant now and I have never felt such pain in my nipples. when she latches on it literally takes my breath away. Even when I had engorgement issues I never felt such pain.<br>
Second, she wants to nurse all day. I can't even be in a room with her without her screaming at me and pulling my shirt up. It has come to the point that I feel it is affecting our relationship. I just feel like a boob and we can't even just play because she only wants to nurse. I feel that I am beginning to resent her and our nursing.<br>
Third, She still wakes up 2-5 times in the night to nurse and will not go back to sleep on her own. We do not co-sleep, it just did not work for us. So I get up go to her room and nurse her all night long. In the morning I am exhausted and proceed to crawl through my day with eyes half open.<br>
It is all beginning to take it's toll. I just want to enjoy my DD, she is a lively wonderful 13 month old and I desparetely want to have a great relationship with her, but nowadays there are times that I just want to run away from her.<br><br>
Please give me any and all advice that you have. I feel that I really need to wean her soon. But do I start with day or night? Do I give her something else instead to drink. What do i do? Thank you all so very much! Danni<br>
ETA: My Dh will take off a week from work when I am ready and he plans to do the night time stuff when we are ready to night wean.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I know what you're going through. My daughter is 14 months old, I'm pregnant, we also have sleep issues. We are continuing to nurse, and while I do'nt have any advice on weaning because I've never done it, I can offer some encouragement and suggestions on making nursing go more smoothly for the both of you.<br><br>
First of all, she's wanting to nurse so much because she senses the pregnancy. It's normal behavior. I know it doesn't make it hurt any less to know that it's normal, but at least you can rest assured that it's not uncommon. I think that they sense that another baby is coming, so they're trying to soak up as much Mommy time as they can get. I know that my nipples were SO sore during that time, and they still are a little -- it does get better with time, but still, you need some relief now. What I do is offer a sippy cup with soy milk (she loves it -- you can find something that your daughter loves to drink) before nursing. A lot of times she was just thirsty, and would take a sippy. I would also try to offer a little bit of food, a cracker or some veggies. If she refused, she could nurse, and I wouldn't let her get all tantrumy and upset before I offered the breast, but I do try to give options first. Not all the time, mind you, but at first I would do this a couple of times a day when I knew she didn't need to nurse for comfort and was probably just a little thirsty. It helped us get on the road to setting limits. She still nurses frequently, but we have enough space between nursing sessions that I feel like I can get my sanity back.<br><br>
The nighttime thing -- I know you say your husband is "planning on" helping, but he needs to help NOW. I've discovered that a lot of times, my daughter will go back to sleep without nursing if he gets her, at least that first night waking. When I come in, she wants to nurse, but if it's him, she goes right to sleep. She just wants comfort, and with me she associates comfort with nursing, but with him she can just snuggle and be perfectly happy. Most of the time, if he gets her for that first waking, she'll even sleep longer before she wakes a second time. I'm not sure why it works that way, but it does. By that point I've gotten a little bit of rest so I can get her. Even then, I offer her a drink of water, and then if she still needs to, I nurse her. Sometimes that little sip of water is enough, and then she'll rock to sleep. She always has to nurse at least once a night, and sometimes it's more, but she nurses less at night when my husband gets her at that first waking.<br><br>
Even if you do decide to wean, it's going to have to be a slow process, so these things are a good place to start if you're trying to head that direction. Weaning just isn't an option for me, so I'm stopping where I am, but I would imagine that to start on the road to weaning, you'd first need to set limits and try to cut down on the need to nurse before cutting it out completely. Tell hubby that he needs to start helping with the night wakings now, and when he's home, have him help comfort her when she needs it -- if she is insistent on nursing and you just can't do it right then (I have those moments where it's just unbearable), have him take her for a walk, or go outside and look at the trees and grass and passing cars. It will help tremendously if you are able to take some time to yourself each day, while he entertains her in another room or takes her on an errand. Even five minutes is so refreshing.<br><br>
Hang in there! It will all work out.
 

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My previous kids were weaned at 3+, but due to other issues I weaned my last daughter at 14 months when I was dealing with hyperemesis and kidney stones at the beginning of this pregnancy. When she would come up to me to nurse, I'd be ready with a sippy cup of her favorite drink, or if I was in the middle of puking (LOL) my husband would wisk her away and distract her with something else. She actually handled it very well.<br><br>
I'd start with night, and then for some nursings during the day do the redirect/distraction technique. Though I had to completely go cold turkey because of the prescription drugs, and it worked fine for us.
 

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I'm guessing given your pregnancy that your supply may be lower. If this is the case, it may explain why your DD wants to nurse so frequently. (Perhaps she's just trying to get as much as she used to.) The PP's advice regarding alternatives sounds like good advice. Although he was much older when I started weaning, (2.5 years) my DS would nurse much less frequently if we stayed really busy, especially out of the house. Perhaps that would work for you too.<br><br>
Good Luck!
 

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Call me non-AP, but I'm starting to be interested in cutting down on nursing with my 13 month old. Not totally weaning, but just cutting back. I'm not pregnant, so I can't totally relate, but I can share some things that are working for me:<br><br>
Distraction is HUGE! My dd would nurse every 1/2 hour if it were up to her, and that's not working for me. So, like a pp said, I try to "distract" her with another food or drink, or if she really did just nurse well a 1/2 hour ago I'll take her outside or let her play with paper or something (I usually don't let her cause she'll eat it!) and just keep a close eye on her. Or we'll go for a little walk, or jump in the car and go over to a friends for a few hours to play in the pool. Sometimes we'll just snuggle on the couch, but I won't nurse her. I think a lot of her wanting to "nurse" is boredom or wanting some one-on-one snuggle time.<br><br>
Trying to switch from nursing-to-sleep to nursing-at-bedtime but doing something else before she drifts off, like reading a book or standing up with her in my arms and singing. Then, for her first waking I'm trying to offer her water and a snuggle, but no nursing. Last night she went to bed at 8:30pm and woke up congested at midnight (she has some seasonal allergies) and couldn't nurse cause her nose was stuffy. I ended up giving her benadryl and some water, and she slept until 5:30am without nursing! That has NEVER happened! While that was special circumstances, I'm going to try experimenting with not nursing her at her first waking of the night. She usually wakes 3-5 times, and I can't really deal with her being upset at any other wakings.<br><br>
I understand that some AP parents would disagree with any sort of limits on nursing for a 13 month old. And that's just fine for them and their family. I agree that a baby should be nursed as long as the dyad is happy, but that if one of the partners is unhappy, the relationship needs to change.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Nursing through pregnancy is very tough! I would try to continue nursing her as long as you can, however I also think it is appropriate to set limits. Teething is wicked at this age, my 13 month old is getting his two top teeth right now. Since I went back to college I've had to set limits at night. Unless he is really distressed I will only nurse him once during the night. If he's just using me as a pacifier and not actively nursing, I know he's teething and I will give him clove oil or teething tablets, and that calms him down and he will go back to sleep. Start with nighttime first, but continue during the day for as long as possible.
 

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I totally know what you're going through. I am twelve weeks along, and DD2 is 14 months and still loves boob time. However, i don't enjoy it anymore for all the reasons you stated, but also because I want my body back! I have succeeded in weaning DD2 from nights and mornings, but we do have our cuddle/booby sessions in the afternoons or when the evening are partiicularly stressful. I say absolutely MAKE DH help whenever he can, you're body needs the rest. Good luck.
 

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The advice I really wanted to give you: Don't be hard on yourself if you want to wean now. You have given selflessly of yourself to your babe all this time, take the time ready physically and mentally for a new addition.
 

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You may be able to night wean (put your husband to work on this one!) and continue the daytime nursing... you will get lots more rest that way.<br><br>
I would expect you to night wean your daughter before the baby arrives anyway, to preserve some tiny shred of sanity.<br><br>
You toddler will be fine with night weaning at this age... really!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Sorry you are going through all this momma. If you think it might help to night wean, here is a great, gentle article/plan from Dr Jay Gordon.<br><br><a href="http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp" target="_blank">http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp</a>
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't have advice for you, just empathy. It's good to know other moms are going through this and aren't just doing cio. We're in a similar situation, ds is 13mos and I'm 23wks pg. The night nursing has been tiring, but these last couple of weeks it has just about broken my back with exhaustion. I'm trying to decide about whether to night wean before the new baby arrives. I'm so torn and have stopped telling dh and everyone else about how exhausted I am because all the well-intentioned advice is just too much for my addled brain to take in. I have to say something about why my brain is non-functional, so I just say I'm not sleeping because of the pg. It seems more acceptable to be tired because of that.<br><br>
Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be a tough decision but one that will make life as a family better.<br><br>
pp thank you for the link about how to actually night wean. It seems like a more gentle way of trying than other things I've read.
 

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Can we get an update? How are things going? Any better? I know it's not been long, but I'm just wondering if you've had any luck getting help from hubby or setting boundaries.<br><br>
I told you in my first post here that I'm going through something similar. I wanted to let you know that I've been doing a kind of modified version of Dr. Gordon's nightweaning method, and it appears to be working. She still wakes once or twice a night, but she sleeps for longer stretches and doesn't insist on nursing back to sleep. We've only been doing it for about 4 nights, and already things are getting better. There is hope! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Here is an update from the 5th that I added at DS, sorry I forgot to put it here:<br>
I am feeling so much better thanks to you all! I also posted this on a few other boards and got a few responses, so thank you!<br>
I have completely dropped the evening session and have started to pump the one breast that hurts worse than the other. I looked a few days ago and saw that her tooth had scraped my nipple and that is why the right one is in SOOO much pain. She has taken the pumped milk from a bottle at night fine but in the day doesn't really want it. And I realized by pumping that my supply has dropped so much. I never pumped much, only when her teeth scraped me, but when I did I would get 6 oz easy, in like 5 minutes. But it took me about 20 minutes to get not even 2 oz each time now. So I know that I have a low supply now.<br>
She eats great in the day, she would eat all day if she could, she loves food and even begs for ours after she has finished her huge dinner. So I know that she is getting enough to eat. I also fill her sippy with water 2-4 times a day, so she is getting enough to drink.<br>
Last night my DH went in to try to sooth her back to sleep, since she woke up after only 2 hours (usually 4 hours for the first stretch in the night). He rocked her and she cried and cried and then got calm and her kept it up till he was sure that she was asleep, but as soon as her laid her down she started to cry again. I finally finished pumping the whole 2 oz and gave it to her and she fell right asleep.<br>
I tried to give her cow's milk the other day and she wanted nothing to do with it, so I added a small bit of natural sugar to make it sweeter like mommies milk, but no go. I bought some soy milk yesterday and will try today, my DH is also asking the farmers he knows if any of them have goat's for milk. So we will see. My DH will be able to take a week off at the end of the month to do her night stuff, so I will just keep trying till then.<br><br>
And an update for today:<br>
I have finally had some success with dropping the morning session! I mixed up 1/4 vanilla soy milk with cow's milk and she loves it. I will keep on dropping the amount of soy till she takes just the cow's milk. So now I nurse her before bed and before her 2 naps and an occasional session in the day if she asks...it is really hard to resist when that beautiful face looks up at says "mo-mo?" That is what she calls it.<br>
My DH has gotten up a few time sin the night and tried to get her back down, but to no avail. She even had her first bad dream the other night and was almost sobbing, it was so heartbreaking. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br>
At the end of the month he will be able to take a few days off to do the whole night for several days in a row, so that is our plan for right now.<br>
The pain in my nipples has subsided and it is so much better. So waiting for a bit is not as urgent as it was when I first asked for help.<br>
I feel a bit better about the whole thing and my goal is to have her weaned by about January, I will be about 7 months pregnant then. I will need another c-section due to uterine fibroids that blocked the birth canal during my first and are still present and in the hospitals here they keep you for almost a week. So she will really need to be weaned by then anyways.<br>
Thanks again ladies and bless you for caring! Danni
 

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Remember to keep an open mind about things. Once she's down to 1 or 2 "comfort nursings" a day and getting 99+% of her nutrition from other sources, you may no longer want to wean. It won't be so physically draining at that point and you may find that it's a lot more enjoyable than it is now.<br><br>
It's fine to completely wean her if that's what you want to do, but please don't wean her just because you think you "have to." Even if you're hospitalized for a full week, she can still nurse when she comes to visit you. Plus, some toddlers are able and willing to resume nursing after a short separation from mom.<br><br>
Many moms find that nursing is a great way to reconnect with their toddlers after a several day separation, and many moms find that tandem nursing is a great way to remind themselves that their toddler is still a baby, and helps the toddler not to feel misplaced by the new sibling. Of course, there are other ways to connect with toddlers and tandem nursing doesn't work for everybody, but it is something you might want to keep in mind.
 

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I'm glad things are going better for you! I second Ruthla's advice to keep an open mind -- I know that I personally would LOVE for my daughter to wean right now, because it's just such a trial to nurse her, but I also don't want to force the issue since things are getting better. I find that if you make your mind up that you "have" to do something, it's harder to change your mind -- but if you stay open to the possibilities, then no matter what happens you can be happy.<br><br>
Good luck!
 
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