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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, it seems xh is dating -- last night on the phone dd gave him an innocent third degree about why he was cleaning his house and which friend was coming over. He scraped her off the phone without telling her (yay). I was freaked for about a half hour -- I can only imagine what sort of woman he's attracting. The last Match profile of his I saw talked about how he's wicked bright and then wandered on about psych issues (though it was an improvement over the original, which began by listing psych conditions you can't have if you want to date him). And then...reality set in, and the memories of what it was like, living with him. I feel for the woman already and am just glad to be well out of it.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Ten bucks says he'll ask me to switch custodial schedules around to accommodate his dating schedule, though.
 

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My XH told me he was dating by basically lecturing me about how he would like to know when I start dating. Um, I'm not going to for a while! He was talking all about how I should keep it seperate and stuff. He has already done more than I would do, DD has already met his girlfriend, and she barely gets to spend time alone with her dad.<br><br>
In fact, I was pleasantly surprised because he said he needed to talk to me about something and I assumed that he had someone pregnant and DDs child support would change. I was glad he just wanted to tell me he was dating. He has already been dating her for almost a year, its not like a secret or anything, sheesh.<br><br>
Anyway, I had the same feeling you did, Have fun with him! And relief that its not me!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mama41</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11596371"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Ten bucks says he'll ask me to switch custodial schedules around to accommodate his dating schedule, though.</div>
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I hope you're not serious! That's horrible. Kids come first. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Anytime children are involved, all I can say is, I hope she (or any woman he may date) will have a positive affect on him and his life.
 

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Absolutely no btdt thoughts.<br><br>
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.<br><br>
Hope whoever it is is a positive influence!<br><br>
M
 

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well my ex started dating 4 months back and now i get dd pretty much when i want as he's eager to spend time iwth his gf. sad how that changes a man but not much i can do. if i complain then i'm labeled jealous. if i bring up a concern than he gets defensive and comes up with excuses...all we can do is cope...
 

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I'm curious...why are you looking at his Match.com profile?<br><br>
I've been divorced from ex-dh for a few years now and never once even thought or cared about if he has a Match.com (or any other) dating profile.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mama41</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11596371"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Ten bucks says he'll ask me to switch custodial schedules around to accommodate his dating schedule, though.</div>
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Girlfriend, you said it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I've been divorced for 5 years and my ex just got married six weeks ago. He's forever sending emails listing ALL the times HE will have the children for the next YEAR and then adding "But I'm sure if something comes up we can switch things around...." Don't get me wrong, we do get along well now, but for a while it was battle of the weekends for who got to go on dates. I have a steady boyfriend of nearly 3 years so its pretty much evened out, but still.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MsChatsAlot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11599118"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Anytime children are involved, all I can say is, I hope she (or any woman he may date) will have a positive affect on him and his life.</div>
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Right. At least I know that ex-dh's new wife is great with the kids and good for ex-dh.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>eccomama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11602241"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">well my ex started dating 4 months back and now i get dd pretty much when i want as he's eager to spend time iwth his gf.</div>
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Gee, and that's what I'm hoping for!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks, guys. MCA, I sure hope so too. My WonderDreamGirlfriend is kind, patient, persevering but not blazingly ambitious, steady, sane, solvent, and just deeply appreciative of dd for herself.<br><br>
SkiMama, I think if this had been a more normal split I probably wouldn't do the checking-up; I never thought to do it on old bfs. An unfortunate feature of being tied to someone with a serious mental illness, though, is that if you're not paying attention, every so often you'll get walloped by some unimaginable situation. I mean truly, you'd never be able to make this stuff up. So every few months I google him and see what comes up.<br><br>
Actually it hadn't occurred to me that he'd be trying online dating, but a couple years back, my neighbor let me know he had a profile up and that it was...odd, so I went and had a look. I was glad I saw it, because it led to a) the "have you thought about how you'll handle dd and dating" talk (he hadn't, and figured it'd be OK to let dd carry the news back here); b) the recognition that he'd been looking for women, using a photo of himself and dd, while I was knocking myself out finding psych services for him and holding the family together. That one went into the "potential custody suit" folder.
 

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Ah, that makes a little more sense then. My ex is a great dad and we get along fine (lol, now!) and mental illness was never even a blip on our radar, so I get why you check up on your ex. I'd do the same in the same sitch.
 

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Mama41,<br><br>
when my ex and i split 2 years ago (he dumped me 2 months before our wedding without any warning-we had been together for 4 yrs and just bought a house), i got kind of stalkly because i was so hurt and confused.<br><br>
i knew how to get into his email and found out by that, that he had a match.com profile up A WEEK AFTER WE BROKE UP. i went psycho on him and them to pay him back, i put up my own profile and then dated like there was no tomorrow...women get A LOT of attention of match. at least here in my area....it was fun and liberating to get some male attention.<br><br>
just sharing my story...not proud of my actions, but i'm human!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dharmagrlpa</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11611379"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">i knew how to get into his email and found out by that, that he had a match.com profile up A WEEK AFTER WE BROKE UP. i went psycho on him and them to pay him back, i put up my own profile and then dated like there was no tomorrow...women get A LOT of attention of match.</div>
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yow -- talk about cutting off your nose to spite someone else's face! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> j/k.<br><br>
I really don't know why men feel the need to run out and look for female attention 0.00327 milliseconds after a breakup, but I don't believe anymore that it has to do with "getting over" the last woman. I suspect it's a combination of face-saving, freedom to go get sex, and need to have someone take care of them. And in some ways I don't blame them. If I'd had a wife, I'd be looking to replace the wife pronto, same way as I posted an ad for another nanny the same day I let the first nanny go.
 

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Yeah. My ex and I split up in mid-December, and on Valentine's Day he took a girl out to a really nice restaurant and spent more on that meal than he ever spent on me in our four years of marriage. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> And I know this because I was still getting the credit card bills at that point. It took a few months before he would admit that they were dating. I really couldn't have cared less that he was seeing someone, but I was mildly ticked for a while that he wouldn't admit it. As it turns out, they split up within a couple of weeks of him telling me about it, but I really don't particularly care either way, as long as he's not introducing her to the kids (which he understands and says he won't).
 
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