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<a href="http://torontosun.com/Lifestyle/2005/10/13/1260555-sun.html" target="_blank">http://torontosun.com/Lifestyle/2005...60555-sun.html</a><br><br>
Thu, October 13, 2005<br><br>
Mannerly breast feeding<br>
By AP<br><br><br><br><br>
Breast-feeding is natural and helps babies meet their nutritional needs. A "thinking person" also knows it's best to do what you can to put others at ease. That's the case that editor Thomas P. Farley makes in the book Town & Country Modern Manners: The Thinking Person's Guide to Social Graces (Hearst).<br><br>
The suggested "sensitive" guidelines for mothers who choose to breast-feed in public, according to the book:<br><br>
- Wear something that will cover most of your breast. If your baby will take an occasional bottle, try to schedule that bottle at the time of day when you'll be in public.<br><br>
- Choose the best possible place to breast-feed. The ladies lounge of a department store or restaurant is ideal, so is a corner table in a restaurant, where you can face your chair toward the wall.<br><br>
- When with close friends or family, try to anticipate what their reactions might be.<br><br><br>
- Be gracious to people who seem to be having a problem with your public nursing. If you see them squirming, try to face the other way. If they approach you with a complaint, you might respond, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll try to be more discreet."<br><br>
However, your first responsibility is to your baby, and if your baby is hungry, your baby should be fed.
 

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What about manners for the people who always give a negative comment: My mom said, if yuo don't have something nice to say....and it is impolite to stare.<br>
I am glad it said that babies come first.
 

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How the heck is bfing ever gonna be the norm in our society with attitudes like that? Taking a bottle out? sitting facing the wall? Its like we are doing something wrong. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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I happen to think these are excellent guidelines- it doesn't say "if somebody's uncomfortable, go nurse in the public restroom." It says "if somebody's uncomfortable, keep on feeding your baby but face the other way."<br><br>
I've never turned my chair to face the wall, but a corner table still provides the most coverage for NIP- the table covers me from the front, the corners cover me from the sides. And as far as I'm concerned, choosing clothes that are easy to nurse discreetly in is simple common sense!
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">- Choose the best possible place to breast-feed. The ladies lounge of a department store or restaurant is ideal, so is a corner table in a restaurant, where you can face your chair toward the wall.</td>
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Ok when I saw friends and family after this I thought it was going to say to sit in the corner facing a wall while at a family members house.
 

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At least he doesn't suggest a blanket.<br><br>
I wish he'd made some suggestions for the bystanders: if it bothers you, Turn Your Head. If it bothers you, grow up and accept that babies need to eat, just like everyone else. If it bothers you, imagine the baby crying instead of nursing and consider yourself lucky that the crying is only in your imagination.
 

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I think it's rude to begrudge a child a breast in any circumstance, and nothing is more rude than putting your weird hangups above a kid's needs. So :nana:!!!
 

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Wow. I am actually kind of impressed. Those are always the things I take under consideration when I NIP anyway. (Except the bottle thing.) I was actually expecting him to say use a blanket or leave the room.
 

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I try to be discreet when I breastfeed, but face a wall? What, am I being punished and sent to my corner? I'm feeding my baby for cryin' out loud.<br><br>
Just today I was at my parents for a visit and my father got uncomfortable with my breastfeeding DD. I told him to get over it because all I'm doing is feeding my baby. His response was that he didn't like seeing his daughter's boob. To which I replied, it's not sexual, it's natural and it's nourishing my daugther. He claimed he didn't think my breast was sexual, he just didn't want to see it. That seemed like a contradiction to me. If he doesn't find it to be a sexual object, then what are his objections to it? Wouldn't it be no different than a hand? In any event, I kept on feeding and told him to look away if he had a problem. I wasn't even fully exposed. He didn't notice till he leaned over to look at the baby!<br><br>
Seriously, get over it people. I'm sorry you're all salivating dopes who can't look at a breast without falling into the "sex trap", but that ain't my problem. Some people have foot fetishes, should I never walk around either?
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nonconformnmom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The people who need manners instruction are the ones who have a problem with NIP; not the mothers doing it. End of story.</div>
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<br>
Thank you!!<br><br>
Have you heard the news, Mr. Farley? There is no such thing as the Right Not To Be Offended. No one is entitled to have the general public accommodate their personal preferences in order to keep them in their own personal comfort zone at all times. Adults need to learn to take care of their own petty comfort needs instead of thinking someone else should take responsibility for making them feel better when they see something they'd prefer not to.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MrsChicopea</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I try to be discreet when I breastfeed, but face a wall? What, am I being punished and sent to my corner? I'm feeding my baby for cryin' out loud.</div>
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Exactly
 

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One step forward, two steps back. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nonconformnmom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The people who need manners instruction are the ones who have a problem with NIP; not the mothers doing it. End of story.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
The thing is, I do some of the things that he mentioned (except the bottle), but that's for my own comfort, not other people's. But once someone starts telling me I HAVE TO for the benefit of other people, forget it. Makes me want to go sit in the middle of Walmart nursing my toddler. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ruthla</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I happen to think these are excellent guidelines- it doesn't say "if somebody's uncomfortable, go nurse in the public restroom." It says "if somebody's uncomfortable, keep on feeding your baby but face the other way."<br><br>
I've never turned my chair to face the wall, but a corner table still provides the most coverage for NIP- the table covers me from the front, the corners cover me from the sides. And as far as I'm concerned, choosing clothes that are easy to nurse discreetly in is simple common sense!</div>
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Now we need guidelines to breastfeed? it's stupid, plain and simple. Like he** will I face the other way to appease someone who doesn't like it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
Common sense is to nurse your child wherever whenever. Nursing clothing is fine but you don't need that to have sense.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Right Not To Be Offended. No one is entitled to have the general public accommodate their personal preferences in order to keep them in their own personal comfort zone at all times.</td>
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I like this! Do you have an essay or something on this, on your site?<br><br>
Janice
 

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I will definitely be adding these thoughts to what I already have. I've got a rough draft a few paragraphs long.<br><br>
So far the content of the site focuses on the mom, not directed at the offended onlooker, but I do intend to include this because it is another way of fortifying moms when they are confronted with disapproval. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
What really clarified these thoughts in my mind was the posts about the anti-NIP lady on the Dr. Phil show, it struck me that she felt such a strong sense of entitlement that others should be obligated to accomodate her needs (desires, really) and I realized that is a very pervasive attitude these days.
 

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I don't really care for these guidelines, but there's one positive I do see. If a mom who's really concerned about offending others (by feeding her baby!! EEK!) reads these, she may take the attitude that she's doing all she can to be polite, and anybody who overreacts is being rude. (That's my attitude, anyway.)<br><br>
Maybe, must maybe, those guidelines will make the difference between NIP and not NIP for a few women. If so, they have their positive side.
 

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Well it's not as bad as I thought it would be but I am still pretty disappointed. I just wish people would get over it already. It's a breast, it feeds a baby end of discussion. One of the ladies who posts here ( I can't remember who, sorry) always says that she is not responsible for other people's comfort, just her baby's needs. I really love that quote.
 
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