Mothering Forum banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,771 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Okay, that was a confusing title! But I have these 2 families right now that do NOT get along. I won't go into much detail, but it's basically the older girl is being encouraged to not like any toddler boys (well, they're really anti-boy altogether, but it seems mostly aimed at 2yo's). So the toddler boy that was on the same day as her just moved, and is actually being replaced with another boy the exact same age. The parents of the last boy took it all in stride, and were very good at just rolling their eyes at all the sh*t she would dish.<br><br>
But the new family is not taking it so well. They actually know the girl's family already and see them at a playgroup, and now this is building up MAJOR tension. (girl blames everything on boy - girl goes home, tells parents how awful this boy treats her, parents encourage the hate, get upset at the other parents, get upset at me, very passive agressive - even sending messages to me and other parents through their daughter <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> ).<br><br>
So, my question is - when do I step in? They actually get along quite well together at my house, so she's really making up things for her parents. Both parents are thinking of switching days to avoid each other, but I really can't accomodate that, and I wouldn't be heartbroken about losing the girl ('s family). I just hate being wrapped up in the drama, really!!<br><br>
Should I say something? Should I just tell the girl's family not to come anymore? The new boy's family is going home crying about this, and it makes me feel awful. Any thoughts? Was this all just rambling or did any of it make sense??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
I am a home daycare provider as well. In all honesty I can say that if this little girl and her family are always the thorn in someone else's side and it is affecting your business I would terminate with the family. There is absolutely no excuse for this family or the little girl to choose to not like another child or to make up stories or cast blame where none is needed. It is even worse that her parents appear to support her behaviour and facilitate it.<br><br>
Yes, I would terminate in a heartbeat. I would type up a letter and let them know that they have 2 weeks notice as their is conflict between them and your business goals - which is to serve EVERY family you have in you care.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,338 Posts
Wow! That sucks. I can't say that I've ever had a situation quite like that. You mentioned that they play together well during the day? I'm assuming you have had informal conversations that didn't make a dent?<br><br>
My suggestion would be a formal parent conference. Not like - you did a, b & c wrong but more I'd like to see things handled this way... or sending messages through children is never appropriate. But then give them a chance to speak and also think about what you've put out. Then throw the ball back to them and say this is our home and how we live. If this isn't an environment that you want or want to help to reinforce in our caregiving relationship I can give you references to other providers who might be a better fit for your family.<br><br>
Be prepared for them to leave though. I think it also drives home to them that a peaceful home is really the best place for children to grow and learn, maybe it will get them in line?<br><br>
Upon further thought - if it isn't too bad yet (maybe I injected some emotion into the post that isn't there?) You can take pix of the kids playing cooperatively and include in your daily notes home some fun thing they did together to expose the parents more to the positives?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,771 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I wish I could just write a letter and be done with it, but they come twice a week, so that'd be weird! I'll just have to tell them face-to-face. I've emailed the mom with the little boy because I heard there was a confrontation at their playgroup, so I need to know if any threatening things were said from the girl's mom, if so - then that'll end it right there.<br><br>
I'd love to sit down and have an honest talk with them, but they just don't seem to get it. (edited out exact details, but - ). There's really not much rational thinking going on there, IMO. I think I'll just as nicely as I can pull the plug.<br><br>
Which brings me to, have you guys ever fired someone??? I never have, people just phase in and out, but I've never had to up and let them go. Not quite sure how to go about it ... but Melissa, your words sound actually just right, so I'll probably use those!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>root*children</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6448674"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I wish I could just write a letter and be done with it, but they come twice a week, so that'd be weird! I'll just have to tell them face-to-face. I've emailed the mom with the little boy because I heard there was a confrontation at their playgroup, so I need to know if any threatening things were said from the girl's mom, if so - then that'll end it right there.<br><br>
!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
I meant to type up a letter to hand to them at pick up one day. It is just good to have it all in writing as it states your reasons and is very professional. I have let a family go before. It is not something any provider takes lightly but in some cases you just have to work in the best interest of the other kids you care for. I actually have a clause in my contract about parents being verbally abusing or offensive and terminating due to that reason.<br><br>
Your business comes first and if this family is causing you to lose other children then they need to go. A hard lesson learned but maybe they will get the point and stop the finger pointing toward other children.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,771 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Thanks so much for the thoughts!! It's good to bouce ideas off of other childcare mamas! I don't know any others IRL, so it's just friends who fill their responses with lots of emotion and that really doesn't help. Anyhow, I've been doing childcare for years, but I'm very thankful for these boards <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,771 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Okay, I think that's a great idea to type a letter and hand it to them. I typed one, and since I'm new at the terminating thing, wondering if any of you childcare mamas could read through it really quick through PM, and see if it sounds right. Thanks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>root*children</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6453125"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Okay, I think that's a great idea to type a letter and hand it to them. I typed one, and since I'm new at the terminating thing, wondering if any of you childcare mamas could read through it really quick through PM, and see if it sounds right. Thanks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Sure, you can send it to me if you want. Do you have a contract with these parents? Do you have a termination clause in it? I just like to copy and paste the clause into the letter so they can see that they knew and broke the rules and the termination is a result.<br><br>
Hope it helps!<br><br>
On a side note...I have terminated before and I will tell you once it was all over it was such a load off of my mind. I don't think we realize how much negative things like this affect us on a daily basis. It isn't until we deal with it and no longer have it hanging over our heads that we realize how bad it actually made us feel.<br><br>
I hope things get less stressful for you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,771 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Well... I did it. Not the happiest moment of my week, that's for sure! The dad dropped her off, i told him, he acted very confused like he had no idea, this was very inconvenient for him, and whisked her out the door (slamming it behind him, and screeching his car away from the house!). So much for 2 weeks! That's pretty much how I thought it would go - them not wanting any blame, them not taking advantage of the 2 week notice and just huffing away. I feel mostly relieved, but am sort of expecting an angry phone call from the mom.<br><br>
Thanks for all the tips and advice. I'm very glad I went ahead and got it over with and have that stress out of my life! I'm also glad I did the letter thing, as that made it much smoother and more professional, I felt. Anyhow...<br>
WHEW!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
Well, all I can say is that his reaction to the news should speak for itself. Yes, he is upset but calm questions about what he misunderstands would be more appropriate. He also just cut himself out of care for his child for the next two weeks and I assume that they both work. It would have been more beneficial for everyone had he just taken the letter and the opportunity of two weeks to find alternate care. Now he has burned his bridges.<br><br>
I think you did the right thing. From what you said they were unfairly targeting other children. This is just not acceptable on any level. And, obviously his child was mirroring the parents behaviour.<br><br>
I have always said that the problems of kids are really problems of the parents. You can always correct or change the behaviour of a child if everyone (the parents) are on board. However, you will only fight an uphill battle if you aren't all on the same page.<br><br>
I hope a lesson was learned from all of this. Perhaps they will now show their child that mean-spiritedness toward others is not nice. Their child can only benefit by their realization that their actions were wrong. I hope it all works out for the little girl.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
383 Posts
Good for you! Some times it is really hard to just do it. I have not let any of my families go either, but I imagine it is hard for many reasons.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top