[joy_seeker]

Both of my children are very creative, they love to write stories and songs and put on concerts in our house, they make movies and put on plays, they make crafts and just generally love the creative process. I encourage and LOVE every minute of this.

My current issue is that my ds, 10, would really like to take some of these creative endeavors out of the house and to the public. The problem is that he is convinced that he already knows how to do things like play guitar even though he's really just strumming, or write books even though he needs some editing (there are other areas where he is a self proclaimed expert these are just a few examples). I really want to encourage him to pursue his dreams and have tried offering lessons and help with editing but he gets upset and says that I don't like his writing or think he's good. How do I balance encouragement and support with helping him understand that if really wants to pursue these goals there are steps involved in that process?

I am not pressuring him with my ideas of success, I'm happy with what he does for us at home... he WANTS these things to lead to someting more and is disappointed when they his big dreams don't come to fruition. I want to help him but don't know how to do so without hurting his feelings... sometimes being the mom is really really hard.

 

[scoobymummy]

Oh my.....your boy sounds just like mine!! I can see the future.... Mine is a self-proclaimed expert in everything he attempts. He proclaimed after a few swimming lessons that he was going to be an Olympic swimmer in the Penguin stroke. If someone beats him at anything, he crumbles. I love his confidence, but the crumbling part is painful.

 

[Serendipity]

My son does the same things.

What do you mean by taking in out into the public? What does he want to do? Is there a way for him to do that?

Our home school group has a talent show every year. It's pretty...casual.

Nic participated in that last year and really enjoyed it.

Maybe you could find or organize a talent show. Or find/organize a kids music club, writing group, craft club etc. Or just invite some people over to watch a showcase that he puts on. It doesn't have to be lessons, just a share what you already have kind of thing.

I would find a way for him to put it out in the world, in a way that people will understand and be supportive.

 

[joy_seeker]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Serendipity What do you mean by taking in out into the public? What does he want to do? Is there a way for him to do that?

Sorry, I should have been more clear about that... he would like to play guitar with the praise group at church, would like me to help him get his stories published, and just last week was upset that no one wanted his autograph at our neighbor's birthday party- there was a dj, he was dancing up a storm and thought people should have been more impressed. He also doesn't understand why people don't check his blog when he only updates it about every four months, wants to sell everything he makes, and just in general thought he'd be famous by now- he's already in double digits after all!

Really, you've gotta love that enthusiasm but his disappointment is so discouraging to him and heartbreaking for me. One of the things we love about unschooling is the freedom to follow your passions but I feel like he is going to have the desire to try squashed before he's really figured out his passions.

 

[prancie]

that autograph thing is hilarious. I have no idea what you should do, but it sounds like he has quite the personality.

 

[kikidee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by prancie that autograph thing is hilarious. I have no idea what you should do, but it sounds like he has quite the personality.

I agree - he sounds like such a character!!

At our church, I try to get kids music involved at least a few times a year (the little ones are singing this Sunday

). For Christmas eve we did a few kids "performances" with various instruments that the children are learning - and while they weren't all pretty, everyone loved them. I think church would be a wonderful place for your son to get a little experience playing in front of people. He sounds like he really wants to be out there, playing for his fans

-- so maybe ask at church and see if he could play something with the choir ?? Or do a duet with the piano player?? Just something laid back to get him started.

Good luck!! He sounds adorable.

 

[poiyt]

From the music standpoint (from a guitar player) I would say that lessons can sometimes be a hinderance. Lessons teach you how to do things properly, with technique - and if you dont do it the correct way its wrong. For me, that was the worst way to learn the craft. I learnt better through "just strumming", from actually touching the guitar, from figuring out myself where my fingers went and what sounded good when put together.

I think lessons can be beneficial once someone has established a true passion, and an idea of the type of player they want to be (some players want to be classically trained and know the ins and outs - other players are fine with feeling it out). Lessons CAN help - but if your DS is at a place where he just wants to play and learn it on his own and not learn the "correct" way - then I woudle encourage that. The best musicians I know are self taught.

Perhaps encoruage him to do his own "lessons"...could you ask him to compose you a song about whatever and tell you why he thinks it sounds good..maybe you two could research triads and what not together..and then he could experiment with them on his own. I would personally let him self explore - especially with music. Too many kids are forced into lessons and lose the passion and the instinct of music.

As far as writing - yeah..no help there.

 

[Roar]

I would suggest avoiding getting in the position where you are responsible (even in his mind) for the success of these endeavors. Try to connect him with authors or musicians and in time he will be introduced to the idea that it takes work. I don't think that is an idea you need to protect him from.

 

[joy_seeker]

To those who think he is so funny and has a great personality... you have no idea; he is a riot. But I'm glad to know others are as amused by his autograph seeking as I was.

Quote:

Originally Posted by poiyt From the music standpoint (from a guitar player) I would say that lessons can sometimes be a hinderance. Lessons teach you how to do things properly, with technique - and if you dont do it the correct way its wrong. For me, that was the worst way to learn the craft. I learnt better through "just strumming", from actually touching the guitar, from figuring out myself where my fingers went and what sounded good when put together. I think lessons can be beneficial once someone has established a true passion, and an idea of the type of player they want to be (some players want to be classically trained and know the ins and outs - other players are fine with feeling it out). Lessons CAN help - but if your DS is at a place where he just wants to play and learn it on his own and not learn the "correct" way - then I woudle encourage that. The best musicians I know are self taught. Perhaps encoruage him to do his own "lessons"...could you ask him to compose you a song about whatever and tell you why he thinks it sounds good..maybe you two could research triads and what not together..and then he could experiment with them on his own. I would personally let him self explore - especially with music. Too many kids are forced into lessons and lose the passion and the instinct of music. As far as writing - yeah..no help there.

Excellent point! I would hate to squelch his passion. I like the idea of asking him what HE likes about the songs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roar I would suggest avoiding getting in the position where you are responsible (even in his mind) for the success of these endeavors. Try to connect him with authors or musicians and in time he will be introduced to the idea that it takes work. I don't think that is an idea you need to protect him from.

Thanks for that! I absolutely think he needs to learn that these things take work but I also absolutely think that a child's mother should be their cheerleader, not their critic. I like the idea of exposing to others who can gently guide in the direction he needs to go while I am still letting him know that I think he's already fantastic.

 

[Anglyn]

I consider myself a pretty good writter so I took creative writting in college. I had to drop it. Can you imagine the audacity of someone telling me HOW to write? LOL! When I tried to claim "poetic liscense" I was told you only get to do that AFTER you learn the "correct" way and become famous....so I dropped the class. ONe of the best poems I ever wrote came out of that class but was NOT an assignment and the prof never saw it, it came after studying sylvia plath and is still one of my favorites.

Didnt albert einstein say,"imagination if more important than knowledge"? yeah, he did!

I agree with finding outlets that encourage and not making yourself responsible for judging his efforts. Good luck!

 

[lorrielink]

I agree that classes and lesson can be a hinderance if given at the wrong time. I was like that about art, i thought taking art in school was so dumb (now i know it was just they way they taught it). at these ages (till the teens i think) exploration is the key. however i wish i had taken lessons when i was ready, but by then i had just dropped it because i wasnt getting better on my own. the logic of a teen

for being involved in the community i would do a thorough search of all establishments in your area. museums of all types, cafes for children, all ages music venues. theres a great resturant near us that is all about the music for kids and even has open mike night for little ones and teens. maybe just being involved in events would help him feel more attached. theaters always need volunteers. the right theatre group might be just the right thing for him right now, one thats more focused on fun than skills. those can be hard to find.

check the community walls of everywhere you go, the really cool stuff is rarely advertised in a large way.

anyway i would double what someone said about not becoming too responsible for his success at this point, just stay supportive of anything specific that he asks for that he needs help with, like going out into the public.
you might focus more on exposing him to more music and arts for now just so he can soak it up in his brain, let him explore a music store where you can listen to the cds or records and he can pick out his own music, take him to all ages concerts, get videos of concerts (i recommend radiohead) and biographys too. i just got one from the library called 100 famous rock stars or something like that from the kids section. he might obsorb more about how hard it can be to be successful from them talking about it then you, cause he knows your not a rock star mom

for the writing, heres my suggestions off the top of my head. do you make books out of his stories or do they just sort of sit around? there are many easy and cheap ways to make a nice looking handmade book, i can dig out my saved tutorials if you like or you could do a search through blogs. he might get the validation he wants by just making them into something to share with family and friends.
also you might try to find a group/club for kids on the web for sharing his thoughts and stories rather than him doing a blog on his own, sometimes being involved with other people sets up a motivation for being more active in doing something you love.

he sounds like he has a wonderfully active mind, he might just need more stimulation, does he start acting like this when he's bored(with his daytoday stuff) or just whenever? can you tell i have a similar kid?